late bloomer--no dating in high school?

[Anonymous]

I’m Gen X and it was normal for my teenage friends and I to date and have sex, but also to drive several hours and across state lines away by ourselves to go to a concert, smoke cigarettes in a restaurant, have a part time job after school that would allow you to buy your own car, etc. For many of us, our parents related to us like we were basically adults who happened to still live at home. Teenagers today are really closer to being kids in terms of the role they play in family and society, and they have many structural demands on their time. Which is why they don’t date.

[Anonymous]

true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Gen X and it was normal for my teenage friends and I to date and have sex, but also to drive several hours and across state lines away by ourselves to go to a concert, smoke cigarettes in a restaurant, have a part time job after school that would allow you to buy your own car, etc. For many of us, our parents related to us like we were basically adults who happened to still live at home. Teenagers today are really closer to being kids in terms of the role they play in family and society, and they have many structural demands on their time. Which is why they don’t date.

I disagree with this.. My kids have far more freedom than I ever had. They have driven themselves from DC to NYC many times before age 18, they have travelled overseas by themselves on more than one occasion, they have gone to a myriad of concerts from age 14 and on (with no adult), they have had summer jobs for years.
And yet, my daughter has not dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Gen X and it was normal for my teenage friends and I to date and have sex, but also to drive several hours and across state lines away by ourselves to go to a concert, smoke cigarettes in a restaurant, have a part time job after school that would allow you to buy your own car, etc. For many of us, our parents related to us like we were basically adults who happened to still live at home. Teenagers today are really closer to being kids in terms of the role they play in family and society, and they have many structural demands on their time. Which is why they don’t date.

I disagree with this.. My kids have far more freedom than I ever had. They have driven themselves from DC to NYC many times before age 18, they have travelled overseas by themselves on more than one occasion, they have gone to a myriad of concerts from age 14 and on (with no adult), they have had summer jobs for years.
And yet, my daughter has not dated.

Maybe she is gay and scared to tell you, or really shy? Or else just doesn't share her sex life with her parents, which is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not dating in high school is not normal for the older generations, but it is becoming more common for later generations.

True but doesn't mean that it's healthy. Sometimes what is common is very unhealthy.

But teen pregnancy has declined a lot.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t date in high school or college, and my brother did. I’m 40 and married with kids, he’s 37 and hasn’t been in a relationship in nearly 20 years. I think at a certain point the real question is (1) whether someone is interested in being married and having a family—not everyone is and that’s okay, and (2) whether that person is presenting themselves as marriage material, which is not a question of physical attractiveness but more a commitment to living in a relationship with another person (which involves making a lot of compromises) and potentially taking on the responsibility of caring for children. I never thought of myself as very attractive, but out of nearly all my close friends I’m one of the few who married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Gen X and it was normal for my teenage friends and I to date and have sex, but also to drive several hours and across state lines away by ourselves to go to a concert, smoke cigarettes in a restaurant, have a part time job after school that would allow you to buy your own car, etc. For many of us, our parents related to us like we were basically adults who happened to still live at home. Teenagers today are really closer to being kids in terms of the role they play in family and society, and they have many structural demands on their time. Which is why they don’t date.

I disagree with this.. My kids have far more freedom than I ever had. They have driven themselves from DC to NYC many times before age 18, they have travelled overseas by themselves on more than one occasion, they have gone to a myriad of concerts from age 14 and on (with no adult), they have had summer jobs for years.
And yet, my daughter has not dated.

DP. There’s less social pressure to date, and that’s wonderful.

[Anonymous]

There’s a very strong correlation between teens not dating and their parents disapproving of it.

That may be true, but the contrary (parents approving of it and kids not dating) also exists. My son has two close female friends, in addition to several male ones, but as a rising junior, has never been on a date or had a girlfriend. I am fine with him dating. However, all of his activities skew male (sports teams, clubs, volunteering with a soccer organization). I don't think he is meeting a pool of eligible girls beyond the two platonic female friends he already has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Gen X and it was normal for my teenage friends and I to date and have sex, but also to drive several hours and across state lines away by ourselves to go to a concert, smoke cigarettes in a restaurant, have a part time job after school that would allow you to buy your own car, etc. For many of us, our parents related to us like we were basically adults who happened to still live at home. Teenagers today are really closer to being kids in terms of the role they play in family and society, and they have many structural demands on their time. Which is why they don’t date.

I disagree with this.. My kids have far more freedom than I ever had. They have driven themselves from DC to NYC many times before age 18, they have travelled overseas by themselves on more than one occasion, they have gone to a myriad of concerts from age 14 and on (with no adult), they have had summer jobs for years.
And yet, my daughter has not dated.

I think that’s pretty unusual though - the level of freedom. I also give my kids a lot of freedom and it doesn’t seem typical with her friends.

However I was like this too, and never dated. I was mature in some ways (responsibility) but socially immature in others like dating.

I think kids tend to do what their friends do. So if you are in a friend group where no one is dating, you don’t either. It does take a lot of effort to get past the “talking stage” as they say and if you are busy with other things and it’s not a focus of your peer group you probably won’t engage in it enough to date.