late bloomer--no dating in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal now.

Nobody's in a hurry to get on the job-marriage-kids grindset.

+1 I think a lot of girls in particular don’t want any obstacles getting in the way of their education, and relationships tend to be that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal now.

Nobody's in a hurry to get on the job-marriage-kids grindset.

Yup, this is fairly typical of this generation now. There was an article in the Atlantic about how Gen Z is avoiding relationships/romance:

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/03/teen-dating-milestone-decline/681971/

[Anonymous]

Dating in high school is so not necessary! Who has time for that? Plus at that stage, kids should focus just on friendships and family. There's plenty of time left for romance. Would not give it any more thought as it seems to be more the norm now. Probably a good trend!

[Anonymous]

Teens at competitive college prep schools no loner have the time our generation did to invest the time you need to put in with relationships with romantic partners.

Now they just hang with friends, and have casual hook up culture at parties that really is not a time sink.

I don't think this is a great development, but it seems to be the norm for most teens now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating in high school is so not necessary! Who has time for that? Plus at that stage, kids should focus just on friendships and family. There's plenty of time left for romance. Would not give it any more thought as it seems to be more the norm now. Probably a good trend!

+1. Dating in HS is fine if you want to but it's only "important" to people with TV-based nostalgia about the 1950s-1980s. And most people expect to have the chance to meet and date post-HS when everybody's more mature.

[Anonymous]

My 16yo DD says many of the not popular but also not super nerdy girls don’t date because they either aren’t interested or because they don’t feel close enough to any of the boys to ask if they like them. Some of the girls in my daughter’s group of friends have male friends who they have crushes on but are scared of “ruining the friendship” if they confess. My DD says it is much more likely for the popular or nerdier kids to date because they spend more time hanging out with the opposite gender. My daughter says that her girl friends didn’t start hanging out with guys until this year but that the popular/nerdier kids have been hanging out as a coed group since middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do boys start texting girls and asking them out in college? what changes with them?

They start to look like men.

[Anonymous]

They just hook up now. Casual sex is the thing now, even non hetrosexual casual sex is common now, instead of relationships or dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They just hook up now. Casual sex is the thing now, even non hetrosexual casual sex is common now, instead of relationships or dating.

Uhhh, no. Only those who get talked about do..and not in a good way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My 16yo DD says many of the not popular but also not super nerdy girls don’t date because they either aren’t interested or because they don’t feel close enough to any of the boys to ask if they like them. Some of the girls in my daughter’s group of friends have male friends who they have crushes on but are scared of “ruining the friendship” if they confess. My DD says it is much more likely for the popular or nerdier kids to date because they spend more time hanging out with the opposite gender. My daughter says that her girl friends didn’t start hanging out with guys until this year but that the popular/nerdier kids have been hanging out as a coed group since middle school.

Yes I’d say it’s definitely true that the co Ed friend groups of all types date earlier. The all guy and all girl groups of all coolness levels tend to not be dating

[Anonymous]

I didn't really date until college, dated a bit in college before I met my spouse junior year and we got married relatively young a couple years after graduating college. A lot of my friends actually were.similar, didn't date much until college but then dated and partnered up by then.

Gen Z is actually statistically having less sex with fewer partners than previous generations, even boomers, so hookups definitely aren't the reason here. Internet and isolation probably play a role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids - DS and DD - were focussed on their studies and EC activities. Popular kids (public magnet HS, public in-state flagship college) who had many circle of friends from their various activities. Most of their friends were not dating because they had packed schedules. They did go as a group on trips, proms, homecoming, international travel, scholastic competitions etc. Not shy kids but not into the dating and romance scene.

What happened in college? They had a vast social network and they also dated casually (at least a coffee date or going to an event together kind of date) extensively. Eventually, they did get together with their SOs after knowing them as friends for a couple years.

I think majority of the kids are comfortable not being in a relationship and are focussed on their career path.

But, if they are balanced people - career focussed, mentally ok, emotionally whole, pleasant and attractive - their chance of a supportive and positive romantic connection increases in college.

I would suggest to parents that they need to focus on the mental and emotional well being of their children. Get them the therapy that they need.

And doing well in studies and having a well-illuminated career path and way to earn a decent livelihood also plays a role in the mental well-being of your children.

How would you know what happened when your kids were in college. Coffee dates, huh? Is that what they told you? The “popular “ kids had coffee dates on their weekends?

There are all types of groups in college. Some will find their forever person. Some will have a lot of fun with various hookups. For all you know your daughter was at the frat parties black out drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a rich white lady thing to be worried about. Most kids don't date around in high school, OP.

Sadly that's true now. Just a hookup culture now. Casual sex.

Maybe where you live, not where my kid went to school. There's always some kids who do this but this is not the normal here in NOVA ime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal now.

Nobody's in a hurry to get on the job-marriage-kids grindset.

+1. Maybe some want that grindset, but no dating in HS is very normal now.

[Anonymous]

Parents on here who talk a lot about their kids accomplishments and how busy and important they are, usually have kids who know not to share anything real with their parents.