late bloomer--no dating in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do boys start texting girls and asking them out in college? what changes with them?

They start to look like men.

This definitely changes. I didn't date in HS at all. Lots of guys were twerpy. I was asked out on my second day at college and dated pretty consistently after that, with a couple of relationships before meeting my husband.

Which is why most HS girls date Jrs/Srs or college guys.

From what I am hearing, think this is the case for most high school kids these days. It’s harder for them to connect organically because of social media. Especially because Covid stunted these teens social growth during critical middle school years end. They would have been figuring out initial flirting. Kids today missed that window and now many of them prefer staying home on their electronics. It’s what they know and feel comfortable with.

Seems like that would make it easier. I've met tons of people as friends, not dating, via social media apps that I would have never met "organically", to hook up for events and common interests, work, etc.

This is true if their in person social skills were already appropriately developed. But they are often not. I know many teens and I hear regularly that they “meet” people on social media and then when they finally meet up in person that person is totally different - often awkward or strange or just not the same person. Their online communication skills become overly developed and it causes issues.

Makes sense.
Smart phones are ruining generations of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do boys start texting girls and asking them out in college? what changes with them?

They start to look like men.

This definitely changes. I didn't date in HS at all. Lots of guys were twerpy. I was asked out on my second day at college and dated pretty consistently after that, with a couple of relationships before meeting my husband.

Which is why most HS girls date Jrs/Srs or college guys.

From what I am hearing, think this is the case for most high school kids these days. It’s harder for them to connect organically because of social media. Especially because Covid stunted these teens social growth during critical middle school years end. They would have been figuring out initial flirting. Kids today missed that window and now many of them prefer staying home on their electronics. It’s what they know and feel comfortable with.

Seems like that would make it easier. I've met tons of people as friends, not dating, via social media apps that I would have never met "organically", to hook up for events and common interests, work, etc.

Nah, they spend all their time “snapping”each other on Snapchat usually showing just a piece of hair (no face) to get their “snap Score” up. That’s their social currency but it rarely ends in face to face meetings. They don’t hook up through that. That usually happens in small friend groups. Very few date one person like we did.

About half of my rising seniors friends are in relationships so I don’t know about that?

I have noticed that the early dating side is very noncommittal compared to what I remember - but once they commit to being bf/gf (or gf/gf or whatever) their relationships last forever way longer than how it used to be most of the time. I think teens nowadays take relationships more seriously so would rather hook up than get caught up committed to someone they barely know and aren’t compatible with. Kinda smart really

[Anonymous]

I’m a bit late to posting but OP, I found it interesting that you stated that your DS had no dating in high school and then listed the “exception” as the date she had to prom that she attended with a group of people. Doesn’t that count as a date?

My DD and friends (brainy, friendly, and objectively attractive) actually had zero dates with zero exceptions. no texting with guys, no hang outs, and when prom or homecoming rolled around they just gathered in girl groups and went out together and took photos and had dinner and generally behaved as though guys didn’t exist at all. They even made their own flower bouquets.

My GenX mind is so confused by this new normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a bit late to posting but OP, I found it interesting that you stated that your DS had no dating in high school and then listed the “exception” as the date she had to prom that she attended with a group of people. Doesn’t that count as a date?

My DD and friends (brainy, friendly, and objectively attractive) actually had zero dates with zero exceptions. no texting with guys, no hang outs, and when prom or homecoming rolled around they just gathered in girl groups and went out together and took photos and had dinner and generally behaved as though guys didn’t exist at all. They even made their own flower bouquets.

My GenX mind is so confused by this new normal.

The prom invites are a single Snap "do you want to go to prom with me?" an then a reply "sure!" and then that's it. There is no dialogue or anything until they arrange how to meet the night of and then they spend the night talking to their friends and not the date.
Sure, this is a "date' but I haven't observed it being fueled by any interest or spark or flirting if that makes sense. And there is no further interaction the next day going forward.
This is what i mean by "no dating" except for prom or homecoming.
My GenX mind is also confused. Girls I know (outside of a few) seem to have little ability to flirt or relate to the opposite sex. You wouldn't believe it if you saw them--they are as you put it: "friendly and objectively attractive." I say girls because I have girls-I'm not sure how it is with guys.

[Anonymous]

The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

You're super weird.

I'm very confident that this behavior -not dating in HS- is normal. FWIW, my DC had a significant other during the senior year but broke up at the end as they are going sep ways. But very few of my kid's friend have had a GF/BF and even fewer had one that was serious. These are smart, good-looking, "normal" kids. They are enjoying their youth w/o the baggage and pressure of a relationship. t

That's not abnormal or socially stunted. In fact, sleeping around and dating a lot is mostly "normal" in those small, middle-of-nowhere towns (like the one I grew up in) where girls are having babies at 15. I'll take the status quo here over that.

And, I'm pretty sure those other posts were reported (if what you say is even true) b/c they are nasty and calling children names. And for that reason, they should be taken down. Now, you're an a$$hole. But as an adult, hopefully this one will stay up. Plus, if you can dish it, you should take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal.

Yep, seems more the norm than not these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

You're super weird.

I'm very confident that this behavior -not dating in HS- is normal. FWIW, my DC had a significant other during the senior year but broke up at the end as they are going sep ways. But very few of my kid's friend have had a GF/BF and even fewer had one that was serious. These are smart, good-looking, "normal" kids. They are enjoying their youth w/o the baggage and pressure of a relationship. t

That's not abnormal or socially stunted. In fact, sleeping around and dating a lot is mostly "normal" in those small, middle-of-nowhere towns (like the one I grew up in) where girls are having babies at 15. I'll take the status quo here over that.

And, I'm pretty sure those other posts were reported (if what you say is even true) b/c they are nasty and calling children names. And for that reason, they should be taken down. Now, you're an a$$hole. But as an adult, hopefully this one will stay up. Plus, if you can dish it, you should take it.

An adult man or woman learning to kiss when they're in college because they literally never dated anyone is not normal. It is arrested development; delayed developmental milestones. But carry on with your echo chamber and lie to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

You're super weird.

I'm very confident that this behavior -not dating in HS- is normal. FWIW, my DC had a significant other during the senior year but broke up at the end as they are going sep ways. But very few of my kid's friend have had a GF/BF and even fewer had one that was serious. These are smart, good-looking, "normal" kids. They are enjoying their youth w/o the baggage and pressure of a relationship. t

That's not abnormal or socially stunted. In fact, sleeping around and dating a lot is mostly "normal" in those small, middle-of-nowhere towns (like the one I grew up in) where girls are having babies at 15. I'll take the status quo here over that.

And, I'm pretty sure those other posts were reported (if what you say is even true) b/c they are nasty and calling children names. And for that reason, they should be taken down. Now, you're an a$$hole. But as an adult, hopefully this one will stay up. Plus, if you can dish it, you should take it.

An adult man or woman learning to kiss when they're in college because they literally never dated anyone is not normal. It is arrested development; delayed developmental milestones. But carry on with your echo chamber and lie to each other.

What's your obsession with "echo chamber"? Weirdo.

I don't need a chamber or to lie. I have a high schooler who just graduated and I am telling you what I see first-hand. You're pretty arrogant to think you know more than me what I'm seeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a bit late to posting but OP, I found it interesting that you stated that your DS had no dating in high school and then listed the “exception” as the date she had to prom that she attended with a group of people. Doesn’t that count as a date?

My DD and friends (brainy, friendly, and objectively attractive) actually had zero dates with zero exceptions. no texting with guys, no hang outs, and when prom or homecoming rolled around they just gathered in girl groups and went out together and took photos and had dinner and generally behaved as though guys didn’t exist at all. They even made their own flower bouquets.

My GenX mind is so confused by this new normal.

There have always been girls doing that, that either didn't have bf's or couldn't get dates. Even a few boys would do that, called "going stag" for them. Usually the rowdies that did that. The nerdy types would just not go to prom unless their mom forced them.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal, was normal 30 years ago too. I took dates to dances (all girls school) but only went on 1-2 group date. I was really focused on my sport and grades and had several awesome groups of friends. I started dating in college had boyfriends soph-senior years and other dates etc in between.

My kid is entering high school she is starting to distance from friends who are hyper focused on boys. She asked me to pick her and a friend up early from a get together because they were bored that the others were just trying to get the boys to pay attention to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

You're super weird.

I'm very confident that this behavior -not dating in HS- is normal. FWIW, my DC had a significant other during the senior year but broke up at the end as they are going sep ways. But very few of my kid's friend have had a GF/BF and even fewer had one that was serious. These are smart, good-looking, "normal" kids. They are enjoying their youth w/o the baggage and pressure of a relationship. t

That's not abnormal or socially stunted. In fact, sleeping around and dating a lot is mostly "normal" in those small, middle-of-nowhere towns (like the one I grew up in) where girls are having babies at 15. I'll take the status quo here over that.

And, I'm pretty sure those other posts were reported (if what you say is even true) b/c they are nasty and calling children names. And for that reason, they should be taken down. Now, you're an a$$hole. But as an adult, hopefully this one will stay up. Plus, if you can dish it, you should take it.

An adult man or woman learning to kiss when they're in college because they literally never dated anyone is not normal. It is arrested development; delayed developmental milestones.

Quite true. But it does happen for various reasons.

I'd say almost 10-20% of kids these days are like this. Certainly much more than in the past.

[Anonymous]

It’s not normal. We are talking about no 1:1 contact whatsoever. No text, no call, no conversation etc. Curious how anyone can manage to have it happen without explicitly being forbidden by the parents. How do you do extracurriculars, b-day parties, school events like proms, dances, field trips etc. You’d have to be extremely antisocial to avoid it all together or you don’t do it because parents banned it and there are consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

You're super weird.

I'm very confident that this behavior -not dating in HS- is normal. FWIW, my DC had a significant other during the senior year but broke up at the end as they are going sep ways. But very few of my kid's friend have had a GF/BF and even fewer had one that was serious. These are smart, good-looking, "normal" kids. They are enjoying their youth w/o the baggage and pressure of a relationship. t

That's not abnormal or socially stunted. In fact, sleeping around and dating a lot is mostly "normal" in those small, middle-of-nowhere towns (like the one I grew up in) where girls are having babies at 15. I'll take the status quo here over that.

And, I'm pretty sure those other posts were reported (if what you say is even true) b/c they are nasty and calling children names. And for that reason, they should be taken down. Now, you're an a$$hole. But as an adult, hopefully this one will stay up. Plus, if you can dish it, you should take it.

You can’t deny the interest in other gender exists and starts to manifest in the early teenage years. It’s not like teens are asexual organisms until mommy says it’s ok.

I really doubt you have any idea about the sex life of your kids friends, kinda bizarre to make this claim. Even more weird is your assumption that a relationship entails baggage and pressure. Just because that’s what you personally experienced, it doesn’t mean everybody perceives it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The echo chamber here are so confident this is normal that they're... reporting posts by users who say actually, this is abnormal, socially stunted behavior.

You're super weird.

I'm very confident that this behavior -not dating in HS- is normal. FWIW, my DC had a significant other during the senior year but broke up at the end as they are going sep ways. But very few of my kid's friend have had a GF/BF and even fewer had one that was serious. These are smart, good-looking, "normal" kids. They are enjoying their youth w/o the baggage and pressure of a relationship. t

That's not abnormal or socially stunted. In fact, sleeping around and dating a lot is mostly "normal" in those small, middle-of-nowhere towns (like the one I grew up in) where girls are having babies at 15. I'll take the status quo here over that.

And, I'm pretty sure those other posts were reported (if what you say is even true) b/c they are nasty and calling children names. And for that reason, they should be taken down. Now, you're an a$$hole. But as an adult, hopefully this one will stay up. Plus, if you can dish it, you should take it.

You can’t deny the interest in other gender exists and starts to manifest in the early teenage years. It’s not like teens are asexual organisms until mommy says it’s ok.

I really doubt you have any idea about the sex life of your kids friends, kinda bizarre to make this claim. Even more weird is your assumption that a relationship entails baggage and pressure. Just because that’s what you personally experienced, it doesn’t mean everybody perceives it that way.

You're moving the goalposts. I never said that "the interest in other genders doesn't exist or doesn't start to manifest in the early teenage years." I also never said teens are asexual and certainly never indicated parent approval was needed. So, let's start there. You're lying about what is being said.

Second, you are pretty arrogant to think you're in a better position to know what I know. So, you have zero credibility here.

Third, This comes down to kids these days making different decisions as to relationships. It has nothing to do with "baggage" (seriously, did you even read any of the posts; no one said that) or pressure. It's that they have more important things to do and they realize they aren't ready for dating.

Lastly I never said "everybody perceives it that way." More lying. Again, ALL kids are not this way but many are. Certainly the majority around where I live in Virginia. And that is def not stunted, abnormal, or anything else negative but kids making different choices that I did when I was in HS.

You want to have a serious argument? Understand what you're arguing and ditch the lies and hyperbole.