Hookup Culture

[Anonymous]

Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

[Anonymous]

By the way, why are some of you assuming that “hook up culture” automatically means college students are having sex?

“Hook up” means different things to different people. I hooked up with a lot of guys in college. But only had sex with a few. But others may define it differently. As long as they’re happy, intentional, and safe, I don’t see any problems. (I’m the “no regrets” poster above.)

Also, why are people assuming “hook up culture” means hooking up with different kids each weekend or strangers/kids they don’t know and never see again? A lot of campus hook up culture is a step below (or leading to) dating - repeat encounters with fewer expectations and less of a commitment than dating.

In other words, it’s not always drunken, random sex with a stranger. Nor is it always regret-inducing. I genuinely think a lot of people on this thread are talking past each other because they’re talking about different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

+100 Let them have fun in college

Let them grow up, whatever that means to them.

I truly think many of you (and your kids) would be better off with better boundaries. No one should be talking with their parents about their college “hook ups” as they’re happening.

[Anonymous]

I know two boys who were falsely accused (they say) of sexually assaulting women. I don't usually believe guys tbh, but there was a school investigation and I saw the texts btw the guy/girl. I know the parents.

Anywho, in both accusations, the guys were expelled or asked to leave the college. T20 colleges.

And boy guys were involved in hookup culture.

All this to say, D1 athlete parent, at some point, there may be a girl who has the wrong idea. Or is mentally not stable. Or whatever. And in a he said, she said and if there was any drinking or drugs involved, you best get ready to have a school administrator say, time for you to play for another school. We dont need this hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

Well yes, naturally low status men are inclined to endorse female promiscuity as it increases their chances to gain sexual access to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

Hooking up with a different person every weekend is considered healthy now? Alrighty then—we’re clearly not running in the same circles. Back in the ’90s at Penn State, I had a few friends who lived that lifestyle. Three stand out. One ended up with herpes and everyone found out. Another got pregnant and dropped out, never got married. The third had an affair with a married guy—she married him later, and now they’re divorced. I’ve shared these stories with my kids, and thankfully, they value themselves enough to steer clear of that path. By the way, even OP is calling her daughter's behavior slutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

Hooking up with a different person every weekend is considered healthy now? Alrighty then—we’re clearly not running in the same circles. Back in the ’90s at Penn State, I had a few friends who lived that lifestyle. Three stand out. One ended up with herpes and everyone found out. Another got pregnant and dropped out, never got married. The third had an affair with a married guy—she married him later, and now they’re divorced. I’ve shared these stories with my kids, and thankfully, they value themselves enough to steer clear of that path. By the way, even OP is calling her daughter's behavior slutty.

We clearly have different definitions of “hook up culture.”

For me, it does not necessarily mean a different person every weekend. Nor does it necessarily mean sex. There are lots of different ways for young adults to connect and explore in this space, all captured under the umbrella of “hooking up.”

If sharing those three specific stories with your kids has been helpful, that’s great!

My stories are quite different. And no, I’m not sharing any of them with my kids because that doesn’t fit within our family’s boundaries.

But I do approach these conversations with a flexible mindset while also focusing on many of the same things you probably do, too: self-respect, empathy for others, choice, safety, consent, health, growth, risk awareness etc. But perhaps with less of a black-and-white / absolutist approach? Different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

Hooking up with a different person every weekend is considered healthy now? Alrighty then—we’re clearly not running in the same circles. Back in the ’90s at Penn State, I had a few friends who lived that lifestyle. Three stand out. One ended up with herpes and everyone found out. Another got pregnant and dropped out, never got married. The third had an affair with a married guy—she married him later, and now they’re divorced. I’ve shared these stories with my kids, and thankfully, they value themselves enough to steer clear of that path. By the way, even OP is calling her daughter's behavior slutty.

We clearly have different definitions of “hook up culture.”

For me, it does not necessarily mean a different person every weekend. Nor does it necessarily mean sex. There are lots of different ways for young adults to connect and explore in this space, all captured under the umbrella of “hooking up.”

If sharing those three specific stories with your kids has been helpful, that’s great!

My stories are quite different. And no, I’m not sharing any of them with my kids because that doesn’t fit within our family’s boundaries.

But I do approach these conversations with a flexible mindset while also focusing on many of the same things you probably do, too: self-respect, empathy for others, choice, safety, consent, health, growth, risk awareness etc. But perhaps with less of a black-and-white / absolutist approach? Different strokes for different folks.

Also, I did not go to Penn State. I went to a T-10 private university.

So maybe that helps explain why we seem to have different definitions, examples, and experiences with “hook up culture.” Our frames of reference - and classmates - were apparently quite different. No judgment. Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

lol. This thread is hilarious! My ex and her sorority sisters were lectured about the hook up culture anger campus on day one. They were told about the shot at the clinic with an infamous name for curing the hook up culture side affects. I thank them for that eye opening lecture, it kept my Dr and most of her friends off of the hook up culture band wagon. The ones who succumbed I’ve sadly watched their self esteem plummet. This should not be celebrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the way, why are some of you assuming that “hook up culture” automatically means college students are having sex?

“Hook up” means different things to different people. I hooked up with a lot of guys in college. But only had sex with a few. But others may define it differently. As long as they’re happy, intentional, and safe, I don’t see any problems. (I’m the “no regrets” poster above.)

Also, why are people assuming “hook up culture” means hooking up with different kids each weekend or strangers/kids they don’t know and never see again? A lot of campus hook up culture is a step below (or leading to) dating - repeat encounters with fewer expectations and less of a commitment than dating.

In other words, it’s not always drunken, random sex with a stranger. Nor is it always regret-inducing. I genuinely think a lot of people on this thread are talking past each other because they’re talking about different things.

Because this is what the OP is talking about! Her DD is hooking up with a different person every weekend. Most of us are talking about the actual topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like now is a good time to teach your daughter about how the patriarchy has successfully brainwashed women and girls that being promiscuous and being overly sexual catering to male sexual desire is “empowering”.

Maybe put that on hold for an few years? DS is a high school junior…&…you know…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

Hooking up with a different person every weekend is considered healthy now? Alrighty then—we’re clearly not running in the same circles. Back in the ’90s at Penn State, I had a few friends who lived that lifestyle. Three stand out. One ended up with herpes and everyone found out. Another got pregnant and dropped out, never got married. The third had an affair with a married guy—she married him later, and now they’re divorced. I’ve shared these stories with my kids, and thankfully, they value themselves enough to steer clear of that path. By the way, even OP is calling her daughter's behavior slutty.

We clearly have different definitions of “hook up culture.”

For me, it does not necessarily mean a different person every weekend. Nor does it necessarily mean sex. There are lots of different ways for young adults to connect and explore in this space, all captured under the umbrella of “hooking up.”

If sharing those three specific stories with your kids has been helpful, that’s great!

My stories are quite different. And no, I’m not sharing any of them with my kids because that doesn’t fit within our family’s boundaries.

But I do approach these conversations with a flexible mindset while also focusing on many of the same things you probably do, too: self-respect, empathy for others, choice, safety, consent, health, growth, risk awareness etc. But perhaps with less of a black-and-white / absolutist approach? Different strokes for different folks.

Stay on topic please. We are discussing OP's concern that her daughter is hooking up with a different guy every weekend. And the way she talks about it doesn't sound like she's just flirting with or kissing random boys. Yes, for most people, hooking up means some type of sexual encounter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do daughters generally have these open of talks With their parents. I didn't like my mom so I certainly didn't talk to her. But I can't imagine an 18-year-old calling up Mom talking that specifically about sex. I think the fact you know how often she gets laid and with whom is more of an issue than her doing it.

+1 OP’s a cool mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

Hooking up with a different person every weekend is considered healthy now? Alrighty then—we’re clearly not running in the same circles. Back in the ’90s at Penn State, I had a few friends who lived that lifestyle. Three stand out. One ended up with herpes and everyone found out. Another got pregnant and dropped out, never got married. The third had an affair with a married guy—she married him later, and now they’re divorced. I’ve shared these stories with my kids, and thankfully, they value themselves enough to steer clear of that path. By the way, even OP is calling her daughter's behavior slutty.

We clearly have different definitions of “hook up culture.”

For me, it does not necessarily mean a different person every weekend. Nor does it necessarily mean sex. There are lots of different ways for young adults to connect and explore in this space, all captured under the umbrella of “hooking up.”

If sharing those three specific stories with your kids has been helpful, that’s great!

My stories are quite different. And no, I’m not sharing any of them with my kids because that doesn’t fit within our family’s boundaries.

But I do approach these conversations with a flexible mindset while also focusing on many of the same things you probably do, too: self-respect, empathy for others, choice, safety, consent, health, growth, risk awareness etc. But perhaps with less of a black-and-white / absolutist approach? Different strokes for different folks.

Stay on topic please. We are discussing OP's concern that her daughter is hooking up with a different guy every weekend. And the way she talks about it doesn't sound like she's just flirting with or kissing random boys. Yes, for most people, hooking up means some type of sexual encounter.

Agree. DS, now a junior, talks about a wide constellation of different types of “hook ups” that happen, but there is no shortage of casual sex happening. There are some things that are typically reserved for long term relationships though, like anal.