Hookup Culture

[Anonymous]

My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

[Anonymous]

Encourage safe sex and only being with people who are interested in the same things she's interested in. Don't aim for a ONS with a guy who is sensitive, a virgin, and wants a LTR, for example.

[Anonymous]

make sure she is careful about drinking, consent and hooking up. also, make sure she's good about communicating expectations - important for both parties so one side's feelings don't get hurt.

[Anonymous]

I think it would help for you to identify what you're worried about. I sound a lot like your daughter. No STDs, no pregnancy scares, no regrets. Have been very happily married to DH for 17 years.

You may need to tell her not to share so much with you. I can't imagine sharing my hookups with my mom like I did my girlfriends. Talk to her about consent and alcohol. And being safe. Not going off with a guy without her friends knowing. It's better for her to bring a guy to her place. But if it's at the point where you're starting to change your view on her (and thinking of your daughter as a slut is exactly that), I really do think you need to set a boundary with her about hearing about her sexual conquests in college.

[Anonymous]

MOM! I told you those things in confidence!

[Anonymous]

Since she is so OPEN, what has she told you so far?

[Anonymous]

Just encourage her to be safe, don’t be judgmental (at least not aloud to her), and she will eventually find someone she wants a long(er) term relationship with. Also a good idea for her to become an established patient with a local gynaecologist- from a preventative well check point of view, but also in case something comes up. Going to planned parenthood or the community heath care clinic isn’t ideal.

[Anonymous]

I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

I don't know. I have nothing against an occasional hookup, but the folks I knew in college who hooked up every weekend all seemed to have issues of some sort, whether it was drinking issues or confidence issues or body issues. It was weird that they didn't want a relationship. But I also married my college sweetheart, so I lean towards finding your person and not playing the field.

[Anonymous]

You raised her to be open alright…

[Anonymous]

To be honest we're you to tell her y ou disapprove or worse, call her a slut, you'd just destroy your relationship with her. She's an adult, she's going to do her own thing. Encourage her to be safe, of course, but past that it's simply ineffective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

They’ll all date, few will want to marry her.

[Anonymous]

Man, I miss those days!

[Anonymous]

Do daughters generally have these open of talks With their parents. I didn't like my mom so I certainly didn't talk to her. But I can't imagine an 18-year-old calling up Mom talking that specifically about sex. I think the fact you know how often she gets laid and with whom is more of an issue than her doing it.