Hookup Culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do UVA students hookup more than W&M?

Anecdotal evidence from earlier posts would seem to indicate yes. W&M kids to busy being quirky to hookup.

Quirky kids could hookup too unless they are not sexually active. Does that mean UVA students are more mature if they are ready to hookup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do UVA students hookup more than W&M?

Anecdotal evidence from earlier posts would seem to indicate yes. W&M kids to busy being quirky to hookup.

W&M, UVA, the very small college I went to 30 years ago... this is college life now. It's been this way for a long time. Why are you all so shocked?

OP, FWIW, my DD hooked up a fair amount freshman year. I don't know how often -- we're very close but have healthy boundaries. She definitely got over it by the spring and in the fall of sophomore year met a great person she has been with ever since.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like now is a good time to teach your daughter about how the patriarchy has successfully brainwashed women and girls that being promiscuous and being overly sexual catering to male sexual desire is “empowering”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like now is a good time to teach your daughter about how the patriarchy has successfully brainwashed women and girls that being promiscuous and being overly sexual catering to male sexual desire is “empowering”.

Okay Karen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people (men and women) who make that choice have low self esteem.

Would she consider counseling, just to work on herself generally?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like now is a good time to teach your daughter about how the patriarchy has successfully brainwashed women and girls that being promiscuous and being overly sexual catering to male sexual desire is “empowering”.

+1 well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

They’ll all date, few will want to marry her.

I'm the PP who said I was probably a lot like her daughter. I, along with most of my friends who also happily hooked up a lot in college, are all happily married with families now. Not sure why people always post that they won't be able to have relationships when they want them. None of us had trouble getting boyfriends when we actually wanted to settle down in a relationship.

That depends on how honest you are, and how early in the relationship.

This. I’m yet to meet a reasonable decent man that would knowingly want to marry a girl who has lived it up with 30+ guys in college…

Because how many men a woman has slept with in the past isn’t anyone’s business- including whoever she is dating/married to

Honestly, from a medical standpoint this just isn’t true. It’s very important to talk about number of partners with doctor and partner, and downplaying the seriousness of disease and medical complications just isn’t cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

They’ll all date, few will want to marry her.

I'm the PP who said I was probably a lot like her daughter. I, along with most of my friends who also happily hooked up a lot in college, are all happily married with families now. Not sure why people always post that they won't be able to have relationships when they want them. None of us had trouble getting boyfriends when we actually wanted to settle down in a relationship.

That depends on how honest you are, and how early in the relationship.

This. I’m yet to meet a reasonable decent man that would knowingly want to marry a girl who has lived it up with 30+ guys in college…

Because how many men a woman has slept with in the past isn’t anyone’s business- including whoever she is dating/married to

Honestly, from a medical standpoint this just isn’t true. It’s very important to talk about number of partners with doctor and partner, and downplaying the seriousness of disease and medical complications just isn’t cool.

What if she lost count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the fence on this. I feel most of us would not care if our son was hooking up every weekend, so why care that a daughter is? Women should also embrace their sexuality. On the other hand, there is still a societal bias and many guys will not want to date her when she is ready for a relationship. Personally, I would just encourage her to be safe and leave it at that.

Why wouldn’t a guy want to date her? She isn’t obligated to tell him “her number” and any guy that would ask this and demand to know isn’t worth dating.

They’ll all date, few will want to marry her.

I'm the PP who said I was probably a lot like her daughter. I, along with most of my friends who also happily hooked up a lot in college, are all happily married with families now. Not sure why people always post that they won't be able to have relationships when they want them. None of us had trouble getting boyfriends when we actually wanted to settle down in a relationship.

That depends on how honest you are, and how early in the relationship.

This. I’m yet to meet a reasonable decent man that would knowingly want to marry a girl who has lived it up with 30+ guys in college…

Because how many men a woman has slept with in the past isn’t anyone’s business- including whoever she is dating/married to

Honestly, from a medical standpoint this just isn’t true. It’s very important to talk about number of partners with doctor and partner, and downplaying the seriousness of disease and medical complications just isn’t cool.

+1

[Anonymous]

A lot of pearl clutches in denial on this thread about how hookups work in college.

[Anonymous]

I am a physician and have had two go through UVA and my work colleagues have current students at UVA as well as William and Mary and VT, males and females. None of them have students who have a different sexual partner every weekend nor do their friends. Most have been in relationships for months or years during college, but definitely not having sex with people they have not been dating/barely know. The ones on their freshman halls who did were in the minority and most of those matured and stopped by the end of the first semester. The behavior caused concern among the other students it was not viewed as healthy nor desirable.
Dressing in what appears to be lingerie tops and going to parties and drinking with the girls yes, having sex with other students they just met no not common at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a physician and have had two go through UVA and my work colleagues have current students at UVA as well as William and Mary and VT, males and females. None of them have students who have a different sexual partner every weekend nor do their friends. Most have been in relationships for months or years during college, but definitely not having sex with people they have not been dating/barely know. The ones on their freshman halls who did were in the minority and most of those matured and stopped by the end of the first semester. The behavior caused concern among the other students it was not viewed as healthy nor desirable.
Dressing in what appears to be lingerie tops and going to parties and drinking with the girls yes, having sex with other students they just met no not common at all.

+1. Maybe it’s the older folks chiming in that it’s ok, the “About last night” era, pre-HIV/AIDS epidemic that brought awareness to the multitude of emotional and medical dangers that lurk in this behavior.
Those of us younger than Demi Moore and Rob Lowe have a different take. Of course we all know those people who do it, but we can agree they are generally troubled and it’s not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

+100 Let them have fun in college