Hookup Culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

is this in the South? no surprise that women like the BMOCs/jocks, but it is somewhat disheartening that women are acting this way. Personally would not want my athlete sons going to a school where the women are not looking to get to know them as people, not objects - hard pass imo

PP here. They are both at UVA.

Who the hell brags about their sons getting their dicks wet, AND names the school? 2 brothers, both athletes at UVA? I bet I could find who they are easily. Not sure they’d be happy about mommy bragging about their sexual exploits on the internet.

+1 really weird thing to be bragging about. I have news for you UVA athlete mom/dad, it may all be fun and games right now but I have a fourth year Dd at UVA and no one goes near those guys anymore. Yeah the girls AND the guys go a little crazy first year but you better believe that as they get older, it’s not only the girls who end up with a bad reputation. My Dd has a friend who is a football player who was all that first year and now no normal (not drunk) girls will go near him. He even acknowledges and regrets that he created a terrible reputation for himself. Now that he wants a relationship, no one trusts him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

If you're not going to tell her, who will? You need to tell your daughter that she's being slutty and she will regret it. The girls I went to college with who were promiscuous like that for the most part did not have healthy relationships.

You call it slutty. I call it my version of being a healthy young adult.

Yes, I had healthy relationships along the way, too. And I now have a wonderful 19+ year marriage that looks nothing like the miserable complaint-fests I often see on this site and hear from from others.

You do you. But to be clear, I had no regrets at the time and have no regrets now!!

Hooking up with a different person every weekend is considered healthy now? Alrighty then—we’re clearly not running in the same circles. Back in the ’90s at Penn State, I had a few friends who lived that lifestyle. Three stand out. One ended up with herpes and everyone found out. Another got pregnant and dropped out, never got married. The third had an affair with a married guy—she married him later, and now they’re divorced. I’ve shared these stories with my kids, and thankfully, they value themselves enough to steer clear of that path. By the way, even OP is calling her daughter's behavior slutty.

We clearly have different definitions of “hook up culture.”

For me, it does not necessarily mean a different person every weekend. Nor does it necessarily mean sex. There are lots of different ways for young adults to connect and explore in this space, all captured under the umbrella of “hooking up.”

If sharing those three specific stories with your kids has been helpful, that’s great!

My stories are quite different. And no, I’m not sharing any of them with my kids because that doesn’t fit within our family’s boundaries.

But I do approach these conversations with a flexible mindset while also focusing on many of the same things you probably do, too: self-respect, empathy for others, choice, safety, consent, health, growth, risk awareness etc. But perhaps with less of a black-and-white / absolutist approach? Different strokes for different folks.

Stay on topic please. We are discussing OP's concern that her daughter is hooking up with a different guy every weekend. And the way she talks about it doesn't sound like she's just flirting with or kissing random boys. Yes, for most people, hooking up means some type of sexual encounter.

Agree. DS, now a junior, talks about a wide constellation of different types of “hook ups” that happen, but there is no shortage of casual sex happening. There are some things that are typically reserved for long term relationships though, like anal.

Is anal popular?

[Anonymous]

Oh and also adding color as a UVA parent, first and second you are about hookups but that dies down and turns more into relationships third and fourth from what I hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

+1000

Women don't have to be transparent about how many guys deposited their DNA in her, and yet they want guys to be transparent about their finances before getting into a serious relationship, right?

Any guys with good look, status, money, and options will NOT take a woman who had 25 guys DNA in her. He does not want to be #26.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

is this in the South? no surprise that women like the BMOCs/jocks, but it is somewhat disheartening that women are acting this way. Personally would not want my athlete sons going to a school where the women are not looking to get to know them as people, not objects - hard pass imo

PP here. They are both at UVA.

Who the hell brags about their sons getting their dicks wet, AND names the school? 2 brothers, both athletes at UVA? I bet I could find who they are easily. Not sure they’d be happy about mommy bragging about their sexual exploits on the internet.

+1 really weird thing to be bragging about. I have news for you UVA athlete mom/dad, it may all be fun and games right now but I have a fourth year Dd at UVA and no one goes near those guys anymore. Yeah the girls AND the guys go a little crazy first year but you better believe that as they get older, it’s not only the girls who end up with a bad reputation. My Dd has a friend who is a football player who was all that first year and now no normal (not drunk) girls will go near him. He even acknowledges and regrets that he created a terrible reputation for himself. Now that he wants a relationship, no one trusts him.

LOL.... Last time I checked, John Mayer still can get just about any women he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

+1000

Women don't have to be transparent about how many guys deposited their DNA in her, and yet they want guys to be transparent about their finances before getting into a serious relationship, right?

Any guys with good look, status, money, and options will NOT take a woman who had 25 guys DNA in her. He does not want to be #26.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

is this in the South? no surprise that women like the BMOCs/jocks, but it is somewhat disheartening that women are acting this way. Personally would not want my athlete sons going to a school where the women are not looking to get to know them as people, not objects - hard pass imo

PP here. They are both at UVA.

Who the hell brags about their sons getting their dicks wet, AND names the school? 2 brothers, both athletes at UVA? I bet I could find who they are easily. Not sure they’d be happy about mommy bragging about their sexual exploits on the internet.

+1 really weird thing to be bragging about. I have news for you UVA athlete mom/dad, it may all be fun and games right now but I have a fourth year Dd at UVA and no one goes near those guys anymore. Yeah the girls AND the guys go a little crazy first year but you better believe that as they get older, it’s not only the girls who end up with a bad reputation. My Dd has a friend who is a football player who was all that first year and now no normal (not drunk) girls will go near him. He even acknowledges and regrets that he created a terrible reputation for himself. Now that he wants a relationship, no one trusts him.

LOL.... Last time I checked, John Mayer still can get just about any women he wants.

And hate to break it to you but your son and millions of others ain't no John Mayer and won't have that benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

+1000

Women don't have to be transparent about how many guys deposited their DNA in her, and yet they want guys to be transparent about their finances before getting into a serious relationship, right?

Any guys with good look, status, money, and options will NOT take a woman who had 25 guys DNA in her. He does not want to be #26.

+100

I couldn’t care less what my wife did in college. I feel bad for folks that appear to be tormented by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here:
Any guy that has an issue with a womans number is just insecure. It’s not a good look for you.

+1000

Women don't have to be transparent about how many guys deposited their DNA in her, and yet they want guys to be transparent about their finances before getting into a serious relationship, right?

Any guys with good look, status, money, and options will NOT take a woman who had 25 guys DNA in her. He does not want to be #26.

+100

I couldn’t care less what my wife did in college. I feel bad for folks that appear to be tormented by this.

Not tormented at all. I get it. Some people have bare minimum standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

is this in the South? no surprise that women like the BMOCs/jocks, but it is somewhat disheartening that women are acting this way. Personally would not want my athlete sons going to a school where the women are not looking to get to know them as people, not objects - hard pass imo

PP here. They are both at UVA.

Who the hell brags about their sons getting their dicks wet, AND names the school? 2 brothers, both athletes at UVA? I bet I could find who they are easily. Not sure they’d be happy about mommy bragging about their sexual exploits on the internet.

+1 really weird thing to be bragging about. I have news for you UVA athlete mom/dad, it may all be fun and games right now but I have a fourth year Dd at UVA and no one goes near those guys anymore. Yeah the girls AND the guys go a little crazy first year but you better believe that as they get older, it’s not only the girls who end up with a bad reputation. My Dd has a friend who is a football player who was all that first year and now no normal (not drunk) girls will go near him. He even acknowledges and regrets that he created a terrible reputation for himself. Now that he wants a relationship, no one trusts him.

DS was a D1 lacrosse player. We didn’t encourage it, but it was clear he had benefits that never seemed to expire throughout undergrad. Inexplicably, he seems to have the same powers as a single guy in ny. Wife starting to get increasingly annoyed but letting him do his thing for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hooking up with a different guy every weekend? as in FULL hookup?

gross!

I have two college sons who are D1 athletes at P4 schools. They told me that they are sleeping with different women every few days because women want them. Many of these women get passed around by athletes. My sons told me they will sleep with these women, but no serious relationship with them because of their sexual activities.

is this in the South? no surprise that women like the BMOCs/jocks, but it is somewhat disheartening that women are acting this way. Personally would not want my athlete sons going to a school where the women are not looking to get to know them as people, not objects - hard pass imo

PP here. They are both at UVA.

Who the hell brags about their sons getting their dicks wet, AND names the school? 2 brothers, both athletes at UVA? I bet I could find who they are easily. Not sure they’d be happy about mommy bragging about their sexual exploits on the internet.

+1 really weird thing to be bragging about. I have news for you UVA athlete mom/dad, it may all be fun and games right now but I have a fourth year Dd at UVA and no one goes near those guys anymore. Yeah the girls AND the guys go a little crazy first year but you better believe that as they get older, it’s not only the girls who end up with a bad reputation. My Dd has a friend who is a football player who was all that first year and now no normal (not drunk) girls will go near him. He even acknowledges and regrets that he created a terrible reputation for himself. Now that he wants a relationship, no one trusts him.

DS was a D1 lacrosse player. We didn’t encourage it, but it was clear he had benefits that never seemed to expire throughout undergrad. Inexplicably, he seems to have the same powers as a single guy in ny. Wife starting to get increasingly annoyed but letting him do his thing for now.

Smart girls will stay away from him and he won't marry any of his hookups.

[Anonymous]

For all the guys out there imposing arbitrary thresholds for female body counts…you do realize you we give you…”approximate” numbers when you ask? As in divide real number by favorite prime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the guys out there imposing arbitrary thresholds for female body counts…you do realize you we give you…”approximate” numbers when you ask? As in divide real number by favorite prime?

Not the same as it used to be. Word gets around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the guys out there imposing arbitrary thresholds for female body counts…you do realize you we give you…”approximate” numbers when you ask? As in divide real number by favorite prime?

I am going to immediately erase this from my brain and go for a run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has always been very open with me, which has continued through her 1st year of college. Throughout high school, she was mostly about her friends, but she did have a boyfriend for most of her senior year, including prom. Over the summer, they decided to go their separate ways so that they could both enjoy college in different states.

I feel like my daughter is hooking up with a new guy every weekend and loving the "freedom" she has. I try not to be too critical as I want her to continue to trust me and confide in me, but I am also starting to see my own daughter as a slut. I know, I know, the word is horrible. But I just mean she is looser than I am comfortable with but I am pretending to be okay with it.

Anyone else feel similarly? Do you try to get your daughter to stop? Slow down? Or just continue to encourage her to be safe? I feel very lost on how to parent her- especially now that she is an adult and over 600 miles away!

As the mother of three daughters, I can understand wanting to sustain communications with your DD but I don't think you need to pretend to be completely okay with this. I am not suggesting you condemn her actions but encourage her to be safe, physically and emotionally. Intimacy should be reserved for people you trust; and it doesn't sound based on the frequency and the number of new guys involved there has been much time for that.

My concern, beyond the health risks involved in this situation, is what from what you wrote is a lack of self-respect. She thinks this is all fun and games now but it seems like someone who is eager for attention, even if it isn't all that positive. I obviously don't know her but you do. Go with your gut but don't be afraid to offer an honest opinion. Maybe talk to her about what she wants out of college and life beyond that.