Anyone's parent ask them to move out of the house after college? How did they say it?

[Anonymous]

My parents moved my senior year of college. Packed my things up. I didn’t have a room in the new house. I was, of course, welcome to visit. But it was treated as a visit- not coming home.

[Anonymous]

One of the biggest parenting failures I notice is the tendency to revert back to what you experienced at that age. The old adage of ..”back when I was…and I was fine..” is just inherently flawed. The world changes. The economy, cost of living, employment environment, societal norms are so different than they were 30-40 years ago. As most GenX parents were older than their boomer parents, the time gap between when they were in their early twenties and there adult children in their twenties is much larger so the effect is more extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We let our son live at home for 2 1/2 years after graduation and he saved more than $100k. We did not charge rent. Great start for him. Do not regret it at all.

DS graduated December 2023, and already has plans to move out by the end of the year. He did save a lot to.

[Anonymous]

MY DD will be moving out this month
she's works as teacher and its hard to find a place she can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We let our son live at home for 2 1/2 years after graduation and he saved more than $100k. We did not charge rent. Great start for him. Do not regret it at all.

One of my friends parents did this, it depends on the adult child how this goes. As soon as they moved out and got their own place they spent all the money their parents encouraged them to save while living at home.

So this approach may backfire, if the child themselves is not motivated to save for some reason, or becomes to accustomed to not paying for daily living expenses.

[Anonymous]

I would've been okay if my kids didn't moved out. Some people will never moved out at have over 1,000,000 dollars once they reach 50 years old. By then they could retire and if their parents are no longer they will be on their own.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked at the economy and the hell that has headed our way when the Big Beautiful Bull**** kicks in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not right out of college, when? How old were you. I have a junior in college who is dependent time. I have been hinting that she MUST find a job in her senior year so she can begin her life and so that she can live the way she wants and afford her type lifestyle. I am hoping the job market will be better next year.

I'm just seeing this thread now and I realize you posted in April. I don't quite understand the "dependent time." But you speak about her needed to live the way she wants and afford her type of lifestyle. I could be wrong, but this sounds more like you are still paying for upscale things that you wouldn't normally purchase for yourselves? But you do for her? Or maybe the transition to living with another adult hasn't gone well. Respecting household rules, etc. Those are different things to me, which can be addressed while still allowing your adult child to live with you.

My son is very materialistic and he wants super nice stuff. I've eased him out of it (he's 20) by saying I will pay for the necessary things. Gas to get to school (he commutes), typical clothing/shoes/haircuts, food, etc. But the nicer stuff? He needs to buy that with his money. He's still in college, but when he graduates and gets a job, I will charge some modest rent. Not market rent. And I will save it for him, to give back when he moves out.

Additionally, I set ground rules for how we coexist in the house as adults. I have framed it that first and foremost, he needs to be courteous to those he lives with. Right now it's his parents. If he typically gets home around midnight but one night feels he will stay out to 2 or 3, just give us a courtesy text letting us know. I am not trying to control his social life or activities, but it's part of living together, knowing when someone is expected home in the late hours. (I didn't realize this until I had roomates in college and beyond.)

In my house, which we pay for, I don't want any illegal activity or drugs, no smoking of any kind, no underage drinking. As long as we pay for his car and insure it, those rules extend to the car as well. I'm always available to pick him up, or will reimburse for uber for safety purposes, but he is not to drive when he isn't able to drive. That type of thing. It has worked out well for us so far. He feels he has his independence and I feel I have the courtesy and safety I need. However, if he were truly abusing these things, he knows we could and would ask him to leave.

He works a lot, too, to make the money to buy the things he cares about, like a very expensive watch and Arcteryx coat that I never would have spent money on. He's actually gotten very responsible over the past few years. He was a bit of a mess in high school. It's not perfect, but we do have enjoyable time together still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the biggest parenting failures I notice is the tendency to revert back to what you experienced at that age. The old adage of ..”back when I was…and I was fine..” is just inherently flawed. The world changes. The economy, cost of living, employment environment, societal norms are so different than they were 30-40 years ago. As most GenX parents were older than their boomer parents, the time gap between when they were in their early twenties and there adult children in their twenties is much larger so the effect is more extreme.

That is not always true as older generations had more kids. My mom was 40 last kid and both my grandmothers around 45.

They were both older and younger parents

Can’t have 8 kids like my grandmother and be a young mom on kid 8

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If not right out of college, when? How old were you. I have a junior in college who is dependent time. I have been hinting that she MUST find a job in her senior year so she can begin her life and so that she can live the way she wants and afford her type lifestyle. I am hoping the job market will be better next year.

I'm just seeing this thread now and I realize you posted in April. I don't quite understand the "dependent time." But you speak about her needed to live the way she wants and afford her type of lifestyle. I could be wrong, but this sounds more like you are still paying for upscale things that you wouldn't normally purchase for yourselves? But you do for her? Or maybe the transition to living with another adult hasn't gone well. Respecting household rules, etc. Those are different things to me, which can be addressed while still allowing your adult child to live with you.

My son is very materialistic and he wants super nice stuff. I've eased him out of it (he's 20) by saying I will pay for the necessary things. Gas to get to school (he commutes), typical clothing/shoes/haircuts, food, etc. But the nicer stuff? He needs to buy that with his money. He's still in college, but when he graduates and gets a job, I will charge some modest rent. Not market rent. And I will save it for him, to give back when he moves out.

Additionally, I set ground rules for how we coexist in the house as adults. I have framed it that first and foremost, he needs to be courteous to those he lives with. Right now it's his parents. If he typically gets home around midnight but one night feels he will stay out to 2 or 3, just give us a courtesy text letting us know. I am not trying to control his social life or activities, but it's part of living together, knowing when someone is expected home in the late hours. (I didn't realize this until I had roomates in college and beyond.)

In my house, which we pay for, I don't want any illegal activity or drugs, no smoking of any kind, no underage drinking. As long as we pay for his car and insure it, those rules extend to the car as well. I'm always available to pick him up, or will reimburse for uber for safety purposes, but he is not to drive when he isn't able to drive. That type of thing. It has worked out well for us so far. He feels he has his independence and I feel I have the courtesy and safety I need. However, if he were truly abusing these things, he knows we could and would ask him to leave.

He works a lot, too, to make the money to buy the things he cares about, like a very expensive watch and Arcteryx coat that I never would have spent money on. He's actually gotten very responsible over the past few years. He was a bit of a mess in high school. It's not perfect, but we do have enjoyable time together still.

This sounds like a parenting issue that should have been addressed years ago. You are allowing him to buy expensive things while you pay for other things and not teaching him responsibility and finances. I don't get this. It needs to be taught early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let our son live at home for 2 1/2 years after graduation and he saved more than $100k. We did not charge rent. Great start for him. Do not regret it at all.

One of my friends parents did this, it depends on the adult child how this goes. As soon as they moved out and got their own place they spent all the money their parents encouraged them to save while living at home.

So this approach may backfire, if the child themselves is not motivated to save for some reason, or becomes to accustomed to not paying for daily living expenses.

One would assume they are paying other living expenses and saving so they understand the responsibilty.