Reply to Anyone's parent ask them to move out of the house after college? How did they say it?

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Reply to "Anyone's parent ask them to move out of the house after college? How did they say it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If not right out of college, when?  How old were you.  I have a junior in college who is dependent time. I have been hinting that she MUST find a job in her senior year so she can begin her life and so that she can live the way she wants and afford her type lifestyle. I am hoping the job market will be better next year.[/quote]

I'm just seeing this thread now and I realize you posted in April.  I don't quite understand the "dependent time." But you speak about her needed to live the way she wants and afford her type of lifestyle.  I could be wrong, but this sounds more like you are still paying for upscale things that you wouldn't normally purchase for yourselves? But you do for her? Or maybe the transition to living with another adult hasn't gone well.  Respecting household rules, etc.  Those are different things to me, which can be addressed while still allowing your adult child to live with you.

My son is very materialistic and he wants super nice stuff. I've eased him out of it (he's 20) by saying I will pay for the necessary things. Gas to get to school (he commutes), typical clothing/shoes/haircuts, food, etc. But the nicer stuff? He needs to buy that with his money. He's still in college, but when he graduates and gets a job, I will charge some modest rent.  Not market rent.  And I will save it for him, to give back when he moves out.

Additionally, I set ground rules for how we coexist in the house as adults. I have framed it that first and foremost, he needs to be courteous to those he lives with. Right now it's his parents. If he typically gets home around midnight but one night feels he will stay out to 2 or 3, just give us a courtesy text letting us know. I am not trying to control his social life or activities, but it's part of living together, knowing when someone is expected home in the late hours.  (I didn't realize this until I had roomates in college and beyond.)

In my house, which we pay for, I don't want any illegal activity or drugs, no smoking of any kind, no underage drinking. As long as we pay for his car and insure it, those rules extend to the car as well. I'm always available to pick him up, or will reimburse for uber for safety purposes, but he is not to drive when he isn't able to drive.   That type of thing. It has worked out well for us so far. He feels he has his independence and I feel I have the courtesy and safety I need.  However, if he were truly abusing these things, he knows we could and would ask him to leave.

He works a lot, too, to make the money to buy the things he cares about, like a very expensive watch and Arcteryx coat that I never would have spent money on. He's actually gotten very responsible over the past few years.  He was a bit of a mess in high school.  It's not perfect, but we do have enjoyable time together still.  [/quote]

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