Anyone's parent ask them to move out of the house after college? How did they say it?

[Anonymous]

I got a job as a teacher, so I moved home from May to August. I’m thankful to my parents for letting me save money for a few months. I had to put a security deposit down, and pay expenses for the first month before I got my paycheck. Living at home that summer allowed me to do that without going into credit cards debt. I’m thankful.

If you don’t want your children moving home, you need to explicitly state that, at a time when you can be friendly and neutral.

“Larla, we would prefer that you move into your own place after graduation. You’ll need money for a security deposit and expenses until you get your first paycheck. Makes sure you have that in savings.”

Don’t be passive aggressive about it. Make sure your tone caring. You’re not required to pay for anything after graduation. That’s fine. But you need to clearly inform your kid of the deadline, whatever it is.

[Anonymous]

My parents let us know that we and our spouses/kids will have food and shelter for free at their house forever.

I have the best family of origin in the world. We all are close knit and we help each other out.

[Anonymous]

The rule should be you have 60 days to find a job and pay rent or be enrolled in school full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rule should be you have 60 days to find a job and pay rent or be enrolled in school full time.

And then when they move out I will give it back to them. I wouldn't charge much.

[Anonymous]

My DC stayed at home for free until marriage and then moved to another state for employment. We encouraged them to save all the money they earned. So, mainly house, car, food, utilities, college etc was free for several years. We also paid for the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I'd love it if my adult children wanted to live at home for a while. If they were like me though, they'll be out at 18.

[Anonymous]

As immigrants that live in multi-generational joint families, there is zero pressure from us on my kids to move out of the house.

Why?

It does not cost us anything extra (or significantly) to continue to let our kids stay in our house for free. But, it will make a severe impact financially for my kids if they have to pay for shelter, food, utilities and other assets that they use at home for free - for example doing their laundry or using the family car etc.

As parents we pay completely for all education and enrichment, let them be on our medical insurance till they are 25, their first car, their wedding, downpayment to their first home etc - so that they can save their money and grow their wealth through the power of compounding. If we do not have the money to give college, car, wedding to them for free, letting them stay for free at our home is the least we can do for them.

[Anonymous]

My DS graduated in May 2024 from UVA with a degree in CS; however, he always wanted to pursue a career in music/acting, and because he is our only child, we do have the financial resources to support his dream. DW told him that he had a five-year runway to make it happen. After that, he would need to get a real job if the music/acting career does not work out. We give him a 10k/month limit, but he only uses about 4K/month. Music/acting is a very tough business, and DS understands it. You Only Live Once.

We encourage DS to take many risks while he is still single. Bottom line, if you have the financial resources to do it, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a job as a teacher, so I moved home from May to August. I’m thankful to my parents for letting me save money for a few months. I had to put a security deposit down, and pay expenses for the first month before I got my paycheck. Living at home that summer allowed me to do that without going into credit cards debt. I’m thankful.

If you don’t want your children moving home, you need to explicitly state that, at a time when you can be friendly and neutral.

“Larla, we would prefer that you move into your own place after graduation. You’ll need money for a security deposit and expenses until you get your first paycheck. Makes sure you have that in savings.”

Don’t be passive aggressive about it. Make sure your tone caring. You’re not required to pay for anything after graduation. That’s fine. But you need to clearly inform your kid of the deadline, whatever it is.

Does that count though? I also got a teaching job before graduating college and it would have been really weird for my parents to boot me out before my job (in a totally different location) started.

[Anonymous]

I do think charging rent helps. I lived my mom for 2 years post college. After the first year, she started charging me rent. It was not market rate, but a few hundred dollars. It helped me get used to paying it! Then I found an apartment with a friend that was only a few hundred more dollars and I never looked back.

But I did always know I *could* live with her if I really needed or wanted to. She never kicked me out. That type of safety net is incredible. I also had $10k in savings before I moved out, which I never needed to touch but was invaluable for life lessons (like a surprise $1500 car maintenance).

I guess it depends on the personalities involved. I do think encouraging your young adult kids to live on their own is a good idea. But to give them a few years to work and save money is really priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As immigrants that live in multi-generational joint families, there is zero pressure from us on my kids to move out of the house.

Why?

It does not cost us anything extra (or significantly) to continue to let our kids stay in our house for free. But, it will make a severe impact financially for my kids if they have to pay for shelter, food, utilities and other assets that they use at home for free - for example doing their laundry or using the family car etc.

As parents we pay completely for all education and enrichment, let them be on our medical insurance till they are 25, their first car, their wedding, downpayment to their first home etc - so that they can save their money and grow their wealth through the power of compounding. If we do not have the money to give college, car, wedding to them for free, letting them stay for free at our home is the least we can do for them.

We're not immigrants (although my mother was and all of my grandparents were) and we are the same as the PP above. We are high income, enjoy our kids and want to set them up for success so letting them live at home is a no-brainer. It's gratifying to watch them live their independent lives while also saving $$ for retirement and down payments on houses.

DH and I couldn't wait to get out of the towns we grew up in so accumulating wealth was a lot harder for us. Our kids on the other hand love the DC metro area and will be in much better place financially in their late 20s than we ever were.

[Anonymous]

What us average rent for 1 bedrooom these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you start charging rent, it is less desirable for them to stay. many parents will give the rent back once kids moves out.

This. Charge rent to give them a taste of adult responsibility. Especially covering their part of utilities and phone. Break it down for them. Save the money to give them later, when they move out, if you can.

[Anonymous]

american parents throw their kids out into the garbage to they can live their selfish lives acting like boomers

[Anonymous]

If you establish house rules like my parents had, you can probably avoid telling them they can't live with you forever:

1. Curfew is 10 pm (they can't help but worry if we're out later)
2. No alcohol or drugs in their house
3. No loud music
4. No boyfriends or girlfriends over in our rooms with the doors closed
5. If you leave things out in public space (on a counter, in the washer or dryer, sometimes even clothes left on a bedroom floor), my mom would gather it all in a trash bag and put it in the shed for us to find them later.
6. My dad wakes up at 5 am and makes quite a bit of noise between the news and making his coffee.

None of this made me love my parents any less. I respected their boundaries. They were always a safety net, but living with them would only work in a crisis.