Anyone's parent ask them to move out of the house after college? How did they say it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:american parents throw their kids out into the garbage to they can live their selfish lives acting like boomers

No one on any of these boards is advocating throwing their kids in the garbage, but many of us are careful not to give so much economic outpatient care (EOC) to our adult children that we cause them harm by creating a dependency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted out after high school. I moved to another continent and put myself through school while working.
Not sure why anyone wants to stay with parents after college. No need to say anything.

Because every one is different? There are many ways to launch into adulthood and yours is not the only way!

[Anonymous]

The whole multigenerational living thing people praise usually revolves around a woman sacrificing and catering to all the people under that roof, still cleaning, still doing laundry, still cooking for 40+ years after the kids are grown. Sure, sometimes some household members "help" but she is still the center of it all, and there's this assumption it's such a duty and she should like it and want to do it. It's okay for women to not want to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole multigenerational living thing people praise usually revolves around a woman sacrificing and catering to all the people under that roof, still cleaning, still doing laundry, still cooking for 40+ years after the kids are grown. Sure, sometimes some household members "help" but she is still the center of it all, and there's this assumption it's such a duty and she should like it and want to do it. It's okay for women to not want to do this.

There's a great Willa Cather short story about this called Old Mrs. Harris. It covers the cultural expectation differences between one of these multi-generational families and their neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole multigenerational living thing people praise usually revolves around a woman sacrificing and catering to all the people under that roof, still cleaning, still doing laundry, still cooking for 40+ years after the kids are grown. Sure, sometimes some household members "help" but she is still the center of it all, and there's this assumption it's such a duty and she should like it and want to do it. It's okay for women to not want to do this.

There's a great Willa Cather short story about this called Old Mrs. Harris. It covers the cultural expectation differences between one of these multi-generational families and their neighbors.

Love Willa Cather and I must read this. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What us average rent for 1 bedrooom these days?

$1500

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole multigenerational living thing people praise usually revolves around a woman sacrificing and catering to all the people under that roof, still cleaning, still doing laundry, still cooking for 40+ years after the kids are grown. Sure, sometimes some household members "help" but she is still the center of it all, and there's this assumption it's such a duty and she should like it and want to do it. It's okay for women to not want to do this.

+100

It has really been eye opening to me in the last several years to realize how much of our society is built on the unpaid labor of women.

Eldercare (going to sh&t now that unpaid women are not doing it), childcare/afterschool care, all the "extra" school and community events and activities...

[Anonymous]

I think you are really out of touch with how housing costs have increased. I’m GenX. When I graduated from college rents in DC were around $500 a month for nice buildings. Two bedrooms were 650-900. Renting a house with five bedrooms was around 2000. You could easily have your own bedroom for between 200-500 a month. In the burbs but walking to metro was even cheaper. Grad school at GW was $700 a credit hour so about $2100 a class and GW was by far the most expensive one. First year salaries were 40K for gov, non profits, etc. First year law positions at mid sized firms were 90K.

We live in area far more expensive than DC. A one bedroom is at least 2 - 3 K and probably a crappy building or backyard ADU. Group houses do not exist because a tear down lot is at least 2.5 K. Tech salaries are higher but every other position or job is not. Yes wages have risen but not 4-6 fold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are really out of touch with how housing costs have increased. I’m GenX. When I graduated from college rents in DC were around $500 a month for nice buildings. Two bedrooms were 650-900. Renting a house with five bedrooms was around 2000. You could easily have your own bedroom for between 200-500 a month. In the burbs but walking to metro was even cheaper. Grad school at GW was $700 a credit hour so about $2100 a class and GW was by far the most expensive one. First year salaries were 40K for gov, non profits, etc. First year law positions at mid sized firms were 90K.

We live in area far more expensive than DC. A one bedroom is at least 2 - 3 K and probably a crappy building or backyard ADU. Group houses do not exist because a tear down lot is at least 2.5 K. Tech salaries are higher but every other position or job is not. Yes wages have risen but not 4-6 fold.

This is true, but I’d rather help with rent than have my kids move back. I’d really encourage a low cost of living area move and buying over this though.

[Anonymous]

Our parents told us straight up our whole lives once you are in college you are on your own or if you have to live here you will pay rent.

[Anonymous]

We'll see a lot more multi-generational houses in the upcoming Trump recession. Everyone can pitch in like Americans used to.

[Anonymous]

They practice by finding a summer job. That pays their bills. Perhaps elsewhere in the country, if necessary. They research what it costs to live there. Try it out. The learn what skills are in demand. They choose classes with an emphasis on having those skills. Likely they have entered into leases, have experience, before graduating from college.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a multigenerational home, and yes, my mom was the organizer - she worked, volunteered, got us to the pediatrician, took care of her parents. But my dad worked, and cleaned and made dinner. I moved back in after college and it was a gift. Was it always easy? No. But it worked for us. We always knew that you contribute to the running of a house. I didn't pay rent - and rent and student loans were nothing compared to today. I drove my parents to appts and ran errands for them, worked and went to school. I saved on rent and car insurance. Every family is different, but it's weird to me that kids don't come home...not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a job as a teacher, so I moved home from May to August. I’m thankful to my parents for letting me save money for a few months. I had to put a security deposit down, and pay expenses for the first month before I got my paycheck. Living at home that summer allowed me to do that without going into credit cards debt. I’m thankful.

If you don’t want your children moving home, you need to explicitly state that, at a time when you can be friendly and neutral.

“Larla, we would prefer that you move into your own place after graduation. You’ll need money for a security deposit and expenses until you get your first paycheck. Makes sure you have that in savings.”

Don’t be passive aggressive about it. Make sure your tone caring. You’re not required to pay for anything after graduation. That’s fine. But you need to clearly inform your kid of the deadline, whatever it is.

Does that count though? I also got a teaching job before graduating college and it would have been really weird for my parents to boot me out before my job (in a totally different location) started.

NP here. I don't think it counts.

[Anonymous]

Are you the step parent?