Anyone's parent ask them to move out of the house after college? How did they say it?
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Anonymous
| My parents never said this to any of us. We all spent some time at home after college for various reasons but we all had jobs and moved out when it was right for us. I’m so grateful that we were never pressured or felt like we were a burden to them, and it felt like they were happy to have us around. I feel the same way about them now that they are older, and they come and stay with us. I will do the same thing with my kids. |
Anonymous
I do not parent in black and white rules. How long DC stays will depend on a lot of factors. FTR, mine is just starting college. But kids graduating now are in for a difficult job market. Shaming them for not having a job and punishing them for not having the means to live on their own is not helpful. |
Anonymous
I know it's hard to believe, but not everyone believes that you have to do this just to "launch" according to some arbitrary timeline. |
Anonymous
| My teen DS and I live in a small 1bd. I don’t think I’ll ever need to kick him out. I’m prepared to have him stay though and live elsewhere for months (I have an option). He’ll objectively need to contribute to rent though as I just won’t have enough money once the child support ends. I may ramp up but not right away. |
Anonymous
Identical to what my parents did. I still wish I’d had a grace period though. I scored a great job straight out of college that paid well but I had to wait on my top secret clearance to come through. Took months. My parents were very harsh about it. It was a big transition period in my mind and I have forever wished I could have that time back to relax. |
Anonymous
When I was 18, my mother was recently divorced, addicted, unemployed and losing the two bedroom home we lived in. My reasonably well off father hated my guts with every fiber of my being and I had no relationship with him. To him, I was for the entirety of my existence nothing more than a fat dumb and lazy loser. I had to move out. My mother was moving in with my grandmother. I was a very good student and a national level athlete. I left home in August after my senior year of high school to attend a very good university at 18 on athletic scholarship. I never went back. I hustled at union jobs in the summer. After graduating from university and having done well, I entered a top law school and did well there too, about as well as one could do. I again hustled, using returns from trading futures to avoid all loans. It was not easy, and I was more frightened than I really like to admit. I had an ego and bravado which masked the anxiety. No so tough in reality. However, I also had absolute freedom, and learned if I used it wisely things would work out for me. I have been far more successful professionally and financially than I could have imagined. My mother passed away a few years ago and she always felt badly about her role as a parent. I treated her kindly, and she was a very nice person who found life difficult. I know she wished things could have been better. No hard feelings towards her and no regrets. She was horribly abused and just keeping her alive was a miracle. My father also passed away around the same time, although I did not know it until informed much later. I talked to him two or three times over the decades, the last time he again reminding me that I was a fat dumb and lazy loser.. I felt badly for him as he never could let go of his massive insecurity. Never met his grandchildren, great kids who are wildly successful. Lots of sorrow for him. My twin brother endured similar treatment - and was successful beyond measure in athletics, education, and his profession. He became extraordinarily well off. He too passed away last year, paying for his maniacal intensity to have a better life with his health and life. He always told me that I would survive all of us intuiting that my less intense personality than his would serve me well. He was right. Nothing touches my heart more than friends and young people with good and caring parents. Such a great thing. We tend to separate in various degrees in our mid to late twenties. My brother and I did so in our late teens, It was a bond we shared together, and I don't think I would have preferred it any other way. |
Anonymous
You should have called 911 and had then arrested for unlawful eviction. Your parents are evil. |
Anonymous
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"you can come home to visit but not to stay"
I went to college far across the country so my visits already felt like visits, and there was little expectation that I would go back to the small town where my parents lived. So it wasn't much of a conversation but I do remember my mom saying the above at some point. |
Anonymous
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My parents had a conversation with me in my sophomore year of college, I think, where my mom said something like, "Of course you'll move back home after college," and I laughed in her face until I realized she seriously expected me to move home. I graduated in 2010 during the recession, but only moved back home for a couple months before finding a crappy job and moving out. Doing great now.
My husband's dad told him in high school that he was expected to move out after college. In the end, if he hadn't found a job, but was actively looking, he could have lived at home for a while, but the expectation was set early that he would be independent. |
Anonymous
I’ve thought of something like this but would never let DC live at home for free and not require they save what would be rent. Being at home in that case would be their safety net for those first couple of years to allow them to save as much as possible. |
Anonymous
| My parents were always very forthcoming about the fact that we were not welcome to live at home after summer after graduation. We 5 kids used to joke about it. |
Anonymous
You have described someone with a job- different than the just moving back in no job, not looking for job…. |
Anonymous
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My mom preferred me to be in my own apartment with a job but made it clear they would help with emergencies. My brother and I had very low incomes our first years out of college so we lived together in an apartment and tried to help each other when times got tight. I did stay with my dad for six months after passing the bar while working my first legal job and interviewing for a better one. It was understood that iot was temporary since I had already lived on my own before graduating law school
I left once I had a full time job that paid enough for my loans and an apartment. |
Anonymous
I feel exactly the same way. I come from an immigrant family where I would have been welcomed home after college as long as I was a functioning member of society and had a job, etc. The only reason I did not was because my job was located in a different city. If it was in the same city as my parents, I 100% would have lived at home for free for a couple of years to save money for a down payment. Everyone in our family has never had a problem "launching" and being self-sufficient as adults. |
Anonymous
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My DS saved $ and moved out organically after buying a condo.
I had to give my DD a year to leave after several years at home and not saving. Both were provided home rent free as long as they saved. Both got advanced degrees (they paid) during that time. I was sad about my DD but knew that bird was not going to leave the nest as long as I was feeding her. Both make significantly more than I do. |