How do you get over jealousy, when your child is the only one not going to a top college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it a few months. No one will care where kids go. It’s a moment where everyone wants to show off. Your kid will be fine and so will you.

This is such a negative response. College is where you will spend the next four years, where you make lifelong friendships, where you may meet your spouse. It is not just to show off.

I often have this feeling that people are not happy for me. I don’t want to say they are jealous but they don’t seem happy for my wins.

My daughter was accepted to an Ivy in December. Responses all over the map including texts like "oh, did you have some kind of hook?' and even weird back-stabbing stuff.
It's been something. Definitely has separated the real friends from the fake. The crazy from the sane.

[Anonymous]

My DS is a sophomore at a small regional college- it is not prestigious- but he is happy-he loves the school has great friends picked an interesting major and is doing well. It’s a matter of fit not prestige. I’m not saying I’m not at all interested in the rankings, but I honestly think he might be one of the happiest of his high school friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it a few months. No one will care where kids go. It’s a moment where everyone wants to show off. Your kid will be fine and so will you.

This is such a negative response. College is where you will spend the next four years, where you make lifelong friendships, where you may meet your spouse. It is not just to show off.

I often have this feeling that people are not happy for me. I don’t want to say they are jealous but they don’t seem happy for my wins.

DP but there’s nothing negative about it at all. Sorry you want people to dwell on where your kid goes to college long after the fact? Seems very self-centered.

My oldest kid is only a sophomore. He has a long way to go. He is friends with seniors who did get into the Ivy and other coveted colleges as well as some who were deferred ED round. We are not jealous types. We are genuinely happy for them.

I know many petty women. They constantly criticize and have negativity. I try to avoid them but some of them I am stuck with as they are in my bigger circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a top college? You should stop being competitive and go with the best fit.

Yeah, what exactly are we talking about? Top ones like HYPSM, Ivy+, the Big 5 publics, OK, I guess I get that...maybe. "Top" ones like USC, NEU et al? LOL, hardly.

In any case, let your DS be where he is and grow wherever he's planted. Feel fortunate that he's bettering himself and be confident that he'll make the most of it. In the meantime, maybe exercise, meditate, take scenic walks? Jealousy leads to stress, which leads to myriad health issues, which leads to...well, I'll stop there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a ton of people that went to Towson, Salisbury, JMU, ODU etc who are super successful, so I wasn’t delusional enough to believe that this really mattered.

This. I was bummed DS needed to go instate (which limited choices) due to finances, but also realize that in the vast majority of cases it didn't matter. My co-worker who went to Ivy grad and undergrad and I have the same job with same salaries (I went to mid level state colleges.) ALSO I knew my kid with ADHD wouldn't have been successful at a top tier school....

[Anonymous]

Op, don't worry about it, this shall pass.
No one will care by June!

[Anonymous]

You grow up

[Anonymous]

I believe you have misused the term "jealous". I am guessing you mean enviou

[Anonymous]

College admissions can be an all-consuming thing for a couple years or more, depending on how many kids you have (although in an ideal world, it wouldn’t be). However, there’s a whole big world outside of that and beyond that- for both parents and kids! It’s ok to be disappointed at the results but not forever. If it’s eating at you this much, focus on a hobby or spend time with friends who aren’t involved in the admissions madness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may not tell your kid, but believe me he probably knows. Focus on where he is happy to be going and encourage him to make the most of his time there.

This ridiculous notion that you are defined by where you go to college is quite frankly toxic and stupid and being ashamed of your own kid based on thing is even worse. You are his parent, start acting like it.

+1
OP, you are a bad parent. You want what is best for you, not your kid. Good parents want what is best for their kid. He should be ashamed to have you as a parent.

puhlease. I am not the OP, but sometimes, or even often, people don't get what is best for them. it is entirely possible to get rejected by a college that would, in fact, be best for you, were you accepted.

Yes. This. We can sit with parents who need this outlet to vent so they can Jeep it together for their kid. Much better to vent here than to breathe a word where the child might hear.

[Anonymous]

OP you will soon get used to your lower status in your friend group but you have to be honest with yourself - if your kid got into an inferior college because he was a low-achiever in high school, this was the result of bad parenting and quite properly reflects poorly on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you will soon get used to your lower status in your friend group but you have to be honest with yourself - if your kid got into an inferior college because he was a low-achiever in high school, this was the result of bad parenting and quite properly reflects poorly on you.

Very harsh and unfair to OP. A lot of things can happen to kids in high school that are beyond the parents’ control. The parents can provide all the nurturing, encouragement and resources in the world, but it’s ultimately on the kid. We need to stop treating a college admit as some kind of prize for good parenting.

[Anonymous]

You pull your head out and learn to be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, being a bad mom, sore loser. In our circle all the kids did exceptional but mine, of course we have ADD going for us. I don't show it to my son but it's eating me up alive.

You are also human. OP, it will hurt. But try your darndest best now to show it to your son. Believe me, the moment graduation happens, summer starts, where the kid is going to college stops mattering less day by day. Focus on making your son strong for the place he is headed to.

Your jealousy is temporary but if you let your son feel it, he will remember it for ever.

Go for runs. Look up successful people who went to less than top colleges and are doing so well.

Both my husband and I went to third tier schools. Our college friends (their jobs, lifestyles, etc) are indistinguishable from our DC friends who went to HYP and similar. Life is very, very long and where you go to college does not determine your ultimate professional destiny.

This 1000%!

99% of where you end up in life has to do with your own effort/work. Smart kids will excel at any university. Your drive gets you much farther than attending HYP

And yes, look around at your coworkers and friends. Most likely you know many highly successful people who attended "lower tiered/no name universities". I know 2 multimillionaires from Towson (worth over $10M by age 40 for both). I'd call that very successful, from a good school that is fairly easy to get into and affordable for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bit envious that DC's friends can pick a college without worrying about cost and can ED without pause.

That is just life. There will almost always be someone who "has more $$$" unless your name is Bezos, musk or gates