How do you get over jealousy, when your child is the only one not going to a top college?

[Anonymous]

Yep, being a bad mom, sore loser. In our circle all the kids did exceptional but mine, of course we have ADD going for us. I don't show it to my son but it's eating me up alive.

[Anonymous]

Go for a run

[Anonymous]

Your son knows you're disappointed. Hard to hide.

[Anonymous]

Accept your son for who he is, which is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Not a single kid? I find this very hard to believe, even in DC.

[Anonymous]

I know a ton of people that went to Towson, Salisbury, JMU, ODU etc who are super successful, so I wasn’t delusional enough to believe that this really mattered.

[Anonymous]

I get it but isn't it still super early in the process?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a single kid? I find this very hard to believe, even in DC.

Everybody’s definition of exceptional is different.

There is no group of friends who got into their top schools and also the top top top. Students are absolutely not getting into their top schools.

So it may be that everybody wanted to go to UVA or VT or Clemson and they got in. She’s definitely not talking about everybody got into Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Realize that tons of other kids aren't going to a top college. They're just not being loud about it because like you, they're ashamed. You all need to let go of the shame. Your kid fought ADD and got into college - that's HUGE.

[Anonymous]

Most seniors don’t know where they’re going. Focus on fit. You found a place where your DC will be happy. It’s not any ranking.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I know it hurts.

My oldest was born premature and has ADHD/ASD and learning disabilities, so I had all his childhood to understand what he might be capable of. Indeed, he surprised us - by dint of hard work and our entire family's commitment to his success, he went to a decent college. T50. I don't think we could have expected more!

My second is gifted, with a high IQ, but has a serious medical condition that will worsen with age. We are not pushing her, because stress triggers flares that hasten the progression of her disease. I don't know where she will land. All I want is that she stay healthy enough to be financially independent. Same as my oldest, really, but for physical, not psychiatric, reasons.

We both need to work on acceptance, OP. Be grateful for what your family has.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how this is possible. At my DC's school the only kids who are locked in are those who successfully did ED which is like 30 kids out of 80 and includes all the athletes. There were easily 40 others who did not successfully ED--including many of the top kids.

It's so early!

[Anonymous]

You may not tell your kid, but believe me he probably knows. Focus on where he is happy to be going and encourage him to make the most of his time there.

This ridiculous notion that you are defined by where you go to college is quite frankly toxic and stupid and being ashamed of your own kid based on thing is even worse. You are his parent, start acting like it.

[Anonymous]

Read a book or ten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, being a bad mom, sore loser. In our circle all the kids did exceptional but mine, of course we have ADD going for us. I don't show it to my son but it's eating me up alive.

Well, you could stop letting your child's academics affect your self esteem and personal relationships.

Is your son going to college? And it's just not "good" enough for you? That seems like a you problem.