How do you get over jealousy, when your child is the only one not going to a top college?

[Anonymous]

OP, focus on helping your kid have the tools and support they need to excel wherever they land. What a student does in college is far more important than where they went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get out of your circle and meet more people.

I had a kid I thought was going to a local college. Now I’m working to sign kid up for Social Security benefits due to severe mental illness. It’s very demoralizing for such a young adult to see options evaporating.

What social security benefits?

[Anonymous]

How do you know? ED2 and RD are not out yet.

[Anonymous]

Repeat to yourself "college is not the end goal, college is not the end goal". A fulfilled and meaningful life is. And that takes many different shapes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I know it hurts.

My oldest was born premature and has ADHD/ASD and learning disabilities, so I had all his childhood to understand what he might be capable of. Indeed, he surprised us - by dint of hard work and our entire family's commitment to his success, he went to a decent college. T50. I don't think we could have expected more!

My second is gifted, with a high IQ, but has a serious medical condition that will worsen with age. We are not pushing her, because stress triggers flares that hasten the progression of her disease. I don't know where she will land. All I want is that she stay healthy enough to be financially independent. Same as my oldest, really, but for physical, not psychiatric, reasons.

We both need to work on acceptance, OP. Be grateful for what your family has.

Beautifully said.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose child won't live to see college. I check myself everytime I think of that sweet little boy. Mine did well enough and is healthy enough to attend college. He's gotten into several, none that would impress anyone here. I'm so proud of him and know he'll do well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I know it hurts.

My oldest was born premature and has ADHD/ASD and learning disabilities, so I had all his childhood to understand what he might be capable of. Indeed, he surprised us - by dint of hard work and our entire family's commitment to his success, he went to a decent college. T50. I don't think we could have expected more!

My second is gifted, with a high IQ, but has a serious medical condition that will worsen with age. We are not pushing her, because stress triggers flares that hasten the progression of her disease. I don't know where she will land. All I want is that she stay healthy enough to be financially independent. Same as my oldest, really, but for physical, not psychiatric, reasons.

We both need to work on acceptance, OP. Be grateful for what your family has.

Beautifully said.

Wtf? Beautifully said that T50 is just decent?

[Anonymous]

I'm petty and definitely felt some envy here and there. But my husband who is not always the most charitable person had a totally different approach - he was so happy we found a great school that is exactly right for our kid. Kid is doing well, has great friends, and seems to be on a solid path to responsible adulthood. What more can you ask for as a parent?

[Anonymous]

This is why God created interesting colleges in Canada & U of Kansas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I know it hurts.

My oldest was born premature and has ADHD/ASD and learning disabilities, so I had all his childhood to understand what he might be capable of. Indeed, he surprised us - by dint of hard work and our entire family's commitment to his success, he went to a decent college. T50. I don't think we could have expected more!

My second is gifted, with a high IQ, but has a serious medical condition that will worsen with age. We are not pushing her, because stress triggers flares that hasten the progression of her disease. I don't know where she will land. All I want is that she stay healthy enough to be financially independent. Same as my oldest, really, but for physical, not psychiatric, reasons.

We both need to work on acceptance, OP. Be grateful for what your family has.

Beautifully said.

Wtf? Beautifully said that T50 is just decent?

"Decent" is positive. It's good. Fine. Perfectly satisfactory. Do you have a different definition of "decent"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I know it hurts.

My oldest was born premature and has ADHD/ASD and learning disabilities, so I had all his childhood to understand what he might be capable of. Indeed, he surprised us - by dint of hard work and our entire family's commitment to his success, he went to a decent college. T50. I don't think we could have expected more!

My second is gifted, with a high IQ, but has a serious medical condition that will worsen with age. We are not pushing her, because stress triggers flares that hasten the progression of her disease. I don't know where she will land. All I want is that she stay healthy enough to be financially independent. Same as my oldest, really, but for physical, not psychiatric, reasons.

We both need to work on acceptance, OP. Be grateful for what your family has.

Beautifully said.

Wtf? Beautifully said that T50 is just decent?

"Decent" is positive. It's good. Fine. Perfectly satisfactory. Do you have a different definition of "decent"?

Wouldn't T50 be in the top 1% or better of all colleges. Since when is top 1% only decent?

[Anonymous]

I have always been realistic about my kid. I know what he's capable of. He applied to 10 schools that he could get into. No use in wasting applications on schools he might get into. After he got into all of them, he had actual choice and had schools he wanted to go to (and they wanted him too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I know it hurts.

My oldest was born premature and has ADHD/ASD and learning disabilities, so I had all his childhood to understand what he might be capable of. Indeed, he surprised us - by dint of hard work and our entire family's commitment to his success, he went to a decent college. T50. I don't think we could have expected more!

My second is gifted, with a high IQ, but has a serious medical condition that will worsen with age. We are not pushing her, because stress triggers flares that hasten the progression of her disease. I don't know where she will land. All I want is that she stay healthy enough to be financially independent. Same as my oldest, really, but for physical, not psychiatric, reasons.

We both need to work on acceptance, OP. Be grateful for what your family has.

Beautifully said.

Wtf? Beautifully said that T50 is just decent?

"Decent" is positive. It's good. Fine. Perfectly satisfactory. Do you have a different definition of "decent"?

Wouldn't T50 be in the top 1% or better of all colleges. Since when is top 1% only decent?

I don't think anyone would consider the top 50 colleges in the US to be in the same group and part of a so-called 1% category. This is not how colleges are usually categorized, PP.

Getting back to the issue at hand... OP's emotions are perfectly valid. But if she works on them, they will be short-lived. OP, focus on making sure your kid is in a good place.

[Anonymous]

Get therapy.

This is about making your kid feel excited about the next phase of his life. Not whether you have some thing to brag about.

[Anonymous]

OP. You are allowed to feel your feels. Hang in there.