Should a woman's social media dissuade me from dating her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between having/using SM and being an exhibitionist. OP certainly shouldn't discount anyone w/ an Instagram/TikTok account. But I would run from someone posting 5x/day. That person is self-obsessed, likely insecure, looking for validation, maybe a narcissist, and frankly needs to get a life. Posting on Instagram occasionally is very different than the person constantly posting in ways to get people to think their life is perfect/interesting or to get people to say how hot/beautiful they are. Despite what some on here are saying (likely because they engage in this behavior) not everyone does this -- not even all attractive young women. Some still have some dignity, humility, and respect for themselves-- believe it or not.

I think you are too judgmental. I rarely post on social media, like maybe once a year, but I have a good friend who posts 5x/day. I sometimes silence her posts because I find them annoying, but I still like and respect her. She's super involved in the community, volunteers, donates, shows up for friends when someone is sick, always asks about me and my family, etc. She's outgoing and public, and I am quiet and discreet, but I think she's a better person overall than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't date people you are already judging. And they definitely shouldn't date you.

All dating is is judging. Judging their behavior to see whether it’s a fit for you.

In this case, I’d walk away.

Luckily she already walked away from him.

And you know this how? I didn't read that in the original post.

She’s just a random girl that he saw once and was thinking of asking out.

Nowhere does the post say that. We don't know if he got her number, talked to her on the phone later or what. You're assuming he met her at a networking event only 'once' but it's possible he met her at a networking event and then had follow up conversations or possibly even dates with her.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great for the younger generation that SM gives so many clues. To each their own as they say and if you're put off by too much attention seeking, then that's your answer. Obviously this woman will be attention seeking in real life as well as she's not getting it enough. Cue other problems like low self-esteem, wrong priorities and too much time on their hands. I wish there was SM when I was dating to look up guys. Also my mom is still attention seeking in her 80s and I wish she had SM to get her hit, it really never ends.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I'm envious of older generations that didn't have to deal with social media. There's nothing more frustrating than meeting a seemingly sweet "girl next door" type only to discover that her Instagram/Tik Tok is full of thirst trapping or attention-seeking behavior. It seems that social media narcissism is one of these things that my generation simply has to "deal" with. If a woman is reasonably attractive and under 30, the temptation to seek attention on social media is too strong to resist.

I recently met a woman at a networking event. She checks all the boxes but she has 2K+ followers on Instagram. She posts at least 5 stories per day. Her posts aren't overly scandalous but she does have a decent number of swimsuit pics. If she seems okay in person, would the excessive posting and bikini pics keep you from dating her?

Why are you hitting on women at networking events? Why are you googling them and stalking their social media?

The red flag here is OP.

Please. No fewer than 80% of the women I've gone on first dates with have asked "Do you have FB/IG? I couldn't find you on there."... and those are just the women willing to admit they looked me up. I've also had random (interested) women at work ask me that out of the blue.

I had a female friend flip out when I didn't text her until the next day, and she admitted to not only scouring SM for me, but also attempting to find my home address, and was contemplating contacting the police for a wellness check. Imagine if a male friend reacted that way to a woman not texting for a day.

It's not unusual to do online research on potential dating prospects after meeting them in-person. Low effort for potentially high reward. Personally, I haven't done that in years, as it lent itself towards depressive and anti-social tendencies, and have instead become good at asking the right questions and reading people instead.

The key is women you are on a date with

OP is looking up random strangers that he meets. The whole cycle of meeting women at a professional event, describing them as "girls next door", looking up their social media, then throwing a fit because they have social media is toxic and bizarre. There's been no indication this woman even wants to date him, and as a woman, if a man I met once looked me up and deemed me a narcissist because I had pictures from a day at the beach, I would be very concerned. Nobody judges a man for posting beach pictures. OP is a massive red flag.

Your friend sounds unhinged and you may want to figure out why you keep friends like that. But again, that is a friend, which is a totally different relationship than a random woman at a conference.

I also mentioned unfamiliar women at work doing this to me too... Ones I never went on a date with, who only knew my name by asking co-workers what my name was and then looking me up on SM before even talking to me. In my mind, that's stranger than OP looking up an attractive woman he met.

In any case, I think it's done partly out of curiosity / ease of access (a few clicks to see into someone's life? previous generations would've loved that growing up), and partly as a form of vetting; girls do their research to keep themselves safe from deceptive creeps and identify the most popular men ("mate choice copying"), while men also do it to protect themselves from manipulation and identify incompatibilities before wasting time/money/effort on a girl.

Also, that's why I said I had a friend. We previously dated, she had manipulative tendencies, and I cut her out after she told me about some married guy she was seeing. Indeed unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't date people you are already judging. And they definitely shouldn't date you.

All dating is is judging. Judging their behavior to see whether it’s a fit for you.

In this case, I’d walk away.

Luckily she already walked away from him.

And you know this how? I didn't read that in the original post.

She’s just a random girl that he saw once and was thinking of asking out.

Nowhere does the post say that. We don't know if he got her number, talked to her on the phone later or what. You're assuming he met her at a networking event only 'once' but it's possible he met her at a networking event and then had follow up conversations or possibly even dates with her.

You’re nuts. You really think that if he was dating a woman, he would forget to mention that part and instead say that it’s a woman he met at a networking event?