Should a woman's social media dissuade me from dating her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I'm envious of older generations that didn't have to deal with social media. There's nothing more frustrating than meeting a seemingly sweet "girl next door" type only to discover that her Instagram/Tik Tok is full of thirst trapping or attention-seeking behavior. It seems that social media narcissism is one of these things that my generation simply has to "deal" with. If a woman is reasonably attractive and under 30, the temptation to seek attention on social media is too strong to resist.

I recently met a woman at a networking event. She checks all the boxes but she has 2K+ followers on Instagram. She posts at least 5 stories per day. Her posts aren't overly scandalous but she does have a decent number of swimsuit pics. If she seems okay in person, would the excessive posting and bikini pics keep you from dating her?

DW has around 190k, follower count tends to track with personality disorders, wouldn't recommend it.

What’s her personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

Run, OP, run.

[Anonymous]

I’m an old lady who barely uses SM, so might be wrong, but I thought 2k followers wasn’t that many?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I'm envious of older generations that didn't have to deal with social media. There's nothing more frustrating than meeting a seemingly sweet "girl next door" type only to discover that her Instagram/Tik Tok is full of thirst trapping or attention-seeking behavior. It seems that social media narcissism is one of these things that my generation simply has to "deal" with. If a woman is reasonably attractive and under 30, the temptation to seek attention on social media is too strong to resist.

I recently met a woman at a networking event. She checks all the boxes but she has 2K+ followers on Instagram. She posts at least 5 stories per day. Her posts aren't overly scandalous but she does have a decent number of swimsuit pics. If she seems okay in person, would the excessive posting and bikini pics keep you from dating her?

Why are you hitting on women at networking events? Why are you googling them and stalking their social media?

The red flag here is OP.

Please. No fewer than 80% of the women I've gone on first dates with have asked "Do you have FB/IG? I couldn't find you on there."... and those are just the women willing to admit they looked me up. I've also had random (interested) women at work ask me that out of the blue.

I had a female friend flip out when I didn't text her until the next day, and she admitted to not only scouring SM for me, but also attempting to find my home address, and was contemplating contacting the police for a wellness check. Imagine if a male friend reacted that way to a woman not texting for a day.

It's not unusual to do online research on potential dating prospects after meeting them in-person. Low effort for potentially high reward. Personally, I haven't done that in years, as it lent itself towards depressive and anti-social tendencies, and have instead become good at asking the right questions and reading people instead.

The key is women you are on a date with

OP is looking up random strangers that he meets. The whole cycle of meeting women at a professional event, describing them as "girls next door", looking up their social media, then throwing a fit because they have social media is toxic and bizarre. There's been no indication this woman even wants to date him, and as a woman, if a man I met once looked me up and deemed me a narcissist because I had pictures from a day at the beach, I would be very concerned. Nobody judges a man for posting beach pictures. OP is a massive red flag.

Your friend sounds unhinged and you may want to figure out why you keep friends like that. But again, that is a friend, which is a totally different relationship than a random woman at a conference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an old lady who barely uses SM, so might be wrong, but I thought 2k followers wasn’t that many?

It's not. 2k is mostly family and friends, a bunch of bots, and probably some pretty desperate guys.

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between having/using SM and being an exhibitionist. OP certainly shouldn't discount anyone w/ an Instagram/TikTok account. But I would run from someone posting 5x/day. That person is self-obsessed, likely insecure, looking for validation, maybe a narcissist, and frankly needs to get a life. Posting on Instagram occasionally is very different than the person constantly posting in ways to get people to think their life is perfect/interesting or to get people to say how hot/beautiful they are. Despite what some on here are saying (likely because they engage in this behavior) not everyone does this -- not even all attractive young women. Some still have some dignity, humility, and respect for themselves-- believe it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't date people you are already judging. And they definitely shouldn't date you.

All dating is is judging. Judging their behavior to see whether it’s a fit for you.

In this case, I’d walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I'm envious of older generations that didn't have to deal with social media. There's nothing more frustrating than meeting a seemingly sweet "girl next door" type only to discover that her Instagram/Tik Tok is full of thirst trapping or attention-seeking behavior. It seems that social media narcissism is one of these things that my generation simply has to "deal" with. If a woman is reasonably attractive and under 30, the temptation to seek attention on social media is too strong to resist.

I recently met a woman at a networking event. She checks all the boxes but she has 2K+ followers on Instagram. She posts at least 5 stories per day. Her posts aren't overly scandalous but she does have a decent number of swimsuit pics. If she seems okay in person, would the excessive posting and bikini pics keep you from dating her?

Why are you hitting on women at networking events? Why are you googling them and stalking their social media?

The red flag here is OP.

Please. No fewer than 80% of the women I've gone on first dates with have asked "Do you have FB/IG? I couldn't find you on there."... and those are just the women willing to admit they looked me up. I've also had random (interested) women at work ask me that out of the blue.

I had a female friend flip out when I didn't text her until the next day, and she admitted to not only scouring SM for me, but also attempting to find my home address, and was contemplating contacting the police for a wellness check. Imagine if a male friend reacted that way to a woman not texting for a day.

It's not unusual to do online research on potential dating prospects after meeting them in-person. Low effort for potentially high reward. Personally, I haven't done that in years, as it lent itself towards depressive and anti-social tendencies, and have instead become good at asking the right questions and reading people instead.

The key is women you are on a date with

OP is looking up random strangers that he meets. The whole cycle of meeting women at a professional event, describing them as "girls next door", looking up their social media, then throwing a fit because they have social media is toxic and bizarre. There's been no indication this woman even wants to date him, and as a woman, if a man I met once looked me up and deemed me a narcissist because I had pictures from a day at the beach, I would be very concerned. Nobody judges a man for posting beach pictures. OP is a massive red flag.

Your friend sounds unhinged and you may want to figure out why you keep friends like that. But again, that is a friend, which is a totally different relationship than a random woman at a conference.

I look up men's socials that I meet. It's completely normal to Google people even after a first encounter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between having/using SM and being an exhibitionist. OP certainly shouldn't discount anyone w/ an Instagram/TikTok account. But I would run from someone posting 5x/day. That person is self-obsessed, likely insecure, looking for validation, maybe a narcissist, and frankly needs to get a life. Posting on Instagram occasionally is very different than the person constantly posting in ways to get people to think their life is perfect/interesting or to get people to say how hot/beautiful they are. Despite what some on here are saying (likely because they engage in this behavior) not everyone does this -- not even all attractive young women. Some still have some dignity, humility, and respect for themselves-- believe it or not.

What running is necessary? He met her once. She didn't ask him out. The end. Everything else is just in this guy's head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an old lady who barely uses SM, so might be wrong, but I thought 2k followers wasn’t that many?

It's not. 2k is mostly family and friends, a bunch of bots, and probably some pretty desperate guys.

Having an open profile would be a red flag for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't date people you are already judging. And they definitely shouldn't date you.

All dating is is judging. Judging their behavior to see whether it’s a fit for you.

In this case, I’d walk away.

Luckily she already walked away from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't date people you are already judging. And they definitely shouldn't date you.

All dating is is judging. Judging their behavior to see whether it’s a fit for you.

In this case, I’d walk away.

Luckily she already walked away from him.

And you know this how? I didn't read that in the original post.

[Anonymous]

2k isn’t much. This wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't date people you are already judging. And they definitely shouldn't date you.

All dating is is judging. Judging their behavior to see whether it’s a fit for you.

In this case, I’d walk away.

Luckily she already walked away from him.

And you know this how? I didn't read that in the original post.

She’s just a random girl that he saw once and was thinking of asking out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between having/using SM and being an exhibitionist. OP certainly shouldn't discount anyone w/ an Instagram/TikTok account. But I would run from someone posting 5x/day. That person is self-obsessed, likely insecure, looking for validation, maybe a narcissist, and frankly needs to get a life. Posting on Instagram occasionally is very different than the person constantly posting in ways to get people to think their life is perfect/interesting or to get people to say how hot/beautiful they are. Despite what some on here are saying (likely because they engage in this behavior) not everyone does this -- not even all attractive young women. Some still have some dignity, humility, and respect for themselves-- believe it or not.

I agree with you and I’m not on social media but this guy has some fantasy going on that the girl might say yes if he asked her out. It’s not a girl who is into him at all.