So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

Marriages also fade out for people often taking trips leaving kids behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the age of your kids and the specific concerns with MIL (is it physical issues or mental acuity concerns, for example?), a compromise could be to leave them with MIL and babysitting/daycare to assist. For example, MIL drops them off at regular daycare & picks them up at the usual time. MIL sleeps over at your home. Mother’s helper/sitter comes over to assist at bedtime if needed. Or if the weekend- sitter/sitters for most of the kids’ waking hours to take care of any “hard work” while MIL oversees and just enjoys the kids. But again - really depends on the age of your kids, and what the concerns are with MIL.

I see a lot of people use this layered approach. When the kids are in daycare or elementary school there’s a nice chunk of time where they are elsewhere, or the nanny still comes and stays late but grandma is there overnight. Little kids with no break/childcare is tough for any caregiver swooping in, let alone a senior. OP, does your family have regular childcare or is there a SAHP?

[Anonymous]

You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

[Anonymous]

Hire a sitter to help MIL until kids go to bed.

Another option is to find a nanny who will do overnights. Look on local Facebook groups, nexdoor etc.

One option could be when college girls come home for spring break. We try to go on short trips when college girls are available to help my elderly mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

Nonsense. We have left my 16 yo alone for weekends without any issue. 16 is pretty much an adult- depending on the child, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

DH and I don’t get away, but I would kill for my husband to desire me so much he really wants a weekend away in bed.

[Anonymous]

You sound like an entitled brat. No one is obligated or responsible to care for your children except their legal guardians. Figure it out. If that means no couple's trips, so be it. Go on reddit; there are plenty in that boat, myself included (by choice). No where is there genuine concern for the MIL, the wife or the children. No where are you encouraging building an extended family relationship. But instead trying to use this MIL so you can get attention/affection/sex. There are lots of actual suggestions in this thread. It's going to be a long 14 years if perspective and appreciation aren't included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same here, except our kids are all out of college now. And we’ve been married more than 35 years, so no problems with our marriage “fading out.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need adult only trips: I did not do it, my parents did not, his parents did not, grandparents did not. Most people don’t do this. Grow up.

I would have not said grow up, but I agree. This is a topic where the DCUM perspective is very much skewed from the everyday perspective.

[Anonymous]

Instead of doing a weekend away go away during school days while the kids are at school and grandma doesn’t have them 24/7

Stay somewhere local, this is your itinerary:
Monday, you get your kids ready for school and drop them off at school/daycare etc. Then you head of on your trip that’s local-ish (1-1.5 hrs away, Inn at Perry Cabin or Salamander)

If there are options for after shoot activities or aftercare sign up for that for a day or two (our school has a drop-in option) or if you are good friends with kid's friends arrange a play date ahead of time to help with childcare.

Have dinner delivered to them so grandma doesn’t have to cook.

Grandma takes them to school the next day, picks them up from school and you are back before bedtime.

When you never have time away from your kids 32 hrs away is plenty of time to reconnect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

It's because both parents work and the weekends are the only time parents get to spend full days with their kids in between all the daily chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.