Held back but gifted, is this frowned upon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This might have been a bad fit with the teacher/classroom in KG. There was no way kindergartens were being sent to the principal's office at my kids school. And as far as wiggles, I volunteered more than a few times and was encouraged by the teacher to review sight words with a kid who was sitting under his chair or dancing around it.

I'm glad your kid had a better 1st grade experience though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people answering must not have smart kids. The top of the pack, as in the kids >95th percentile would likely be fine to skip an entire grade. And they would still be top of the pack if they did. I guarantee they would not suddenly be 50th percentile kids. All of this “they only seem smart bc they are the oldest” wrong. They would still be >90 th percentile or higher in the next grade and smarter than most of their classmates. There isn’t that much difference between one grade. Put your kid where fit the best socially and the academics will be met by supplemental material at home or gifted programs.

There’s no way to tell who’s in the 99th percentile in all subject and social matters in elementary school. Plus students don’t always stay at the very top or very bottom or somewhere in the middle.

You might dismiss my example as too old but kids haven’t changed. I was in a pullout program for instruction on subjects not included in classes. There were five of us and we met in a large closet because there were no spare classrooms. In the classroom we were ranked and separated by groups ranked #1, 2,3,4. I was in the top group for every subject until 8th grade when I was dropped to group #2. Math became incredibly hard for me and in high school I was in low math classes. I was a pretty average student who went to a pretty average college.

There’s no gaming the system and children don’t always follow a straight path. I took the LSATs and was in the 80th percentile. It was easier for me with simple math and a lot of reading.

As for your comment that you “feel” like people answering must not have smart kids, that’s nonsensical.

Agree. Half the kids who are in gifted in early elementary have parents who supplement. I also think there is so much projecting of people who build it up to be something it isn’t because they have never experienced it. I was that kid in gifted in every subject, reading ant a middle school level in first despite a birthday a week before the cutoff and 99 percent on every standardized test I’m took through HS and I am not that smart as an adult. I struggled immensely to learn a foreign language while living abroad and college was hard for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

[Anonymous]

I guess, PP. My own DD is just about as young as yours and had gross motor delays and is very very far from puberty in 5th, but redshirting girls in our area is virtually impossible in our (good) publics - she’d be a grade below in private of course. But she does well academically in terms of your percentage comparisons and socially she does exceedingly well, and COVID hit us just as it hit you. Probably worse actually as our extended family lost multiple family members to it.

It’s really something to see people still cling to COVID as the why for issues with current ES kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people answering must not have smart kids. The top of the pack, as in the kids >95th percentile would likely be fine to skip an entire grade. And they would still be top of the pack if they did. I guarantee they would not suddenly be 50th percentile kids. All of this “they only seem smart bc they are the oldest” wrong. They would still be >90 th percentile or higher in the next grade and smarter than most of their classmates. There isn’t that much difference between one grade. Put your kid where fit the best socially and the academics will be met by supplemental material at home or gifted programs.

There’s no way to tell who’s in the 99th percentile in all subject and social matters in elementary school. Plus students don’t always stay at the very top or very bottom or somewhere in the middle.

You might dismiss my example as too old but kids haven’t changed. I was in a pullout program for instruction on subjects not included in classes. There were five of us and we met in a large closet because there were no spare classrooms. In the classroom we were ranked and separated by groups ranked #1, 2,3,4. I was in the top group for every subject until 8th grade when I was dropped to group #2. Math became incredibly hard for me and in high school I was in low math classes. I was a pretty average student who went to a pretty average college.

There’s no gaming the system and children don’t always follow a straight path. I took the LSATs and was in the 80th percentile. It was easier for me with simple math and a lot of reading.

As for your comment that you “feel” like people answering must not have smart kids, that’s nonsensical.

That it doesn’t matter. Her child is tested high and qualifies for gifted program NOW. And if he were in the grade above, he would likely still qualify, because the difference of percentiles for the same score in the grade above is minimal, and if he scored 99%, it might still be 99%. That is the point. He would likely be getting a seat in either grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

Hold that bum back then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

I can just tell what kind of mom you are by what you posted. Not many people talk like that … walked at 8.5 months.. I can’t even remember when my kids first walked let alone the 2 week mark. You sound really competitive about this stuff. I bet she struggles socially because you do and you’re not modeling the right behavior that makes her a likable kid. It’s not normal to have that many behavioral issues. Both of my children and myself were youngest in the grade and had zero issues. You bring up the percentiles for math. I’ll give an example. My son was in 30 percentile all through K and I started working with him 10 min a day with an online program and he’s in the 95 now in 1st based on testing first semester. So yes I absolutely believe you can supplement especially early elementary and that’s often what you see with testing, kids who receive supplemental help from a parent or had a really strong teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

I can just tell what kind of mom you are by what you posted. Not many people talk like that … walked at 8.5 months.. I can’t even remember when my kids first walked let alone the 2 week mark. You sound really competitive about this stuff. I bet she struggles socially because you do and you’re not modeling the right behavior that makes her a likable kid. It’s not normal to have that many behavioral issues. Both of my children and myself were youngest in the grade and had zero issues. You bring up the percentiles for math. I’ll give an example. My son was in 30 percentile all through K and I started working with him 10 min a day with an online program and he’s in the 95 now in 1st based on testing first semester. So yes I absolutely believe you can supplement especially early elementary and that’s often what you see with testing, kids who receive supplemental help from a parent or had a really strong teacher.

+1000 PP you are really missing the point. Unless this was decades ago or you are in a particularly bad school, kindergarteners don't get sent to the principals office unless something is truly wrong. K teachers are used to wiggly little kids behaving badly. Has your daughter ever been evaluated for ADHD? It presents differently in girls and these types of early motor milestones could be a sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

I can just tell what kind of mom you are by what you posted. Not many people talk like that … walked at 8.5 months.. I can’t even remember when my kids first walked let alone the 2 week mark. You sound really competitive about this stuff. I bet she struggles socially because you do and you’re not modeling the right behavior that makes her a likable kid. It’s not normal to have that many behavioral issues. Both of my children and myself were youngest in the grade and had zero issues. You bring up the percentiles for math. I’ll give an example. My son was in 30 percentile all through K and I started working with him 10 min a day with an online program and he’s in the 95 now in 1st based on testing first semester. So yes I absolutely believe you can supplement especially early elementary and that’s often what you see with testing, kids who receive supplemental help from a parent or had a really strong teacher.

Yeah, I think you're missing the impact of asymmetrical development. It stands out when kids do things very out of order--that's why I remember. Beginning as a baby she had some big gaps (language and frustration tolerance) and things that were off the charts ahead all at the same time. Those gaps eventually narrowed, but she came a certain way.

She had no actual behavioral issues by the second half of kindergarten and hasn't gotten in trouble since. But she also found holding it together in kindergarten to be extremely emotionally exhausting, and really struggled with expectations. It also doesn't mean that she doesn't struggle socially now and is often frustrated and sad, especially when kids gang up or she doesn't get the joke. She gets along best with kids a year younger and all her friends are on the youngest side in her class.

I mean, if age and maturity don't matter, why don't all the Sept and October birthday parents just push their kids ahead? Surely they'll be just fine if they just practice EQ and study more, right? They don't because maturity matters. And it's not something you can just teach or force any more so than you could have taught or forced your 9 mo to walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

I can just tell what kind of mom you are by what you posted. Not many people talk like that … walked at 8.5 months.. I can’t even remember when my kids first walked let alone the 2 week mark. You sound really competitive about this stuff. I bet she struggles socially because you do and you’re not modeling the right behavior that makes her a likable kid. It’s not normal to have that many behavioral issues. Both of my children and myself were youngest in the grade and had zero issues. You bring up the percentiles for math. I’ll give an example. My son was in 30 percentile all through K and I started working with him 10 min a day with an online program and he’s in the 95 now in 1st based on testing first semester. So yes I absolutely believe you can supplement especially early elementary and that’s often what you see with testing, kids who receive supplemental help from a parent or had a really strong teacher.

Yeah, I think you're missing the impact of asymmetrical development. It stands out when kids do things very out of order--that's why I remember. Beginning as a baby she had some big gaps (language and frustration tolerance) and things that were off the charts ahead all at the same time. Those gaps eventually narrowed, but she came a certain way.

She had no actual behavioral issues by the second half of kindergarten and hasn't gotten in trouble since. But she also found holding it together in kindergarten to be extremely emotionally exhausting, and really struggled with expectations. It also doesn't mean that she doesn't struggle socially now and is often frustrated and sad, especially when kids gang up or she doesn't get the joke. She gets along best with kids a year younger and all her friends are on the youngest side in her class.

I mean, if age and maturity don't matter, why don't all the Sept and October birthday parents just push their kids ahead? Surely they'll be just fine if they just practice EQ and study more, right? They don't because maturity matters. And it's not something you can just teach or force any more so than you could have taught or forced your 9 mo to walk.

It 100% can be taught and modeled. I sent two boys on time with summer birthdays (our cut off is Aug 31) but I was really intentional about social things and they both have a lot of friends and are well liked and have had zero behavioral problems. What you are describing with your daughter is not normal and it sounds very much like you're falling back on the "she's gifted" excuse instead of actually working with her on things that will impact her life more than whizzing through standardized tests. Most of the kids I know who redshirted would have been fine going on time or holding back with maturity, tbh. It comes down to a personal preference if you want your kid to be older or younger. What you are describing is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

I can just tell what kind of mom you are by what you posted. Not many people talk like that … walked at 8.5 months.. I can’t even remember when my kids first walked let alone the 2 week mark. You sound really competitive about this stuff. I bet she struggles socially because you do and you’re not modeling the right behavior that makes her a likable kid. It’s not normal to have that many behavioral issues. Both of my children and myself were youngest in the grade and had zero issues. You bring up the percentiles for math. I’ll give an example. My son was in 30 percentile all through K and I started working with him 10 min a day with an online program and he’s in the 95 now in 1st based on testing first semester. So yes I absolutely believe you can supplement especially early elementary and that’s often what you see with testing, kids who receive supplemental help from a parent or had a really strong teacher.

Yeah, I think you're missing the impact of asymmetrical development. It stands out when kids do things very out of order--that's why I remember. Beginning as a baby she had some big gaps (language and frustration tolerance) and things that were off the charts ahead all at the same time. Those gaps eventually narrowed, but she came a certain way.

She had no actual behavioral issues by the second half of kindergarten and hasn't gotten in trouble since. But she also found holding it together in kindergarten to be extremely emotionally exhausting, and really struggled with expectations. It also doesn't mean that she doesn't struggle socially now and is often frustrated and sad, especially when kids gang up or she doesn't get the joke. She gets along best with kids a year younger and all her friends are on the youngest side in her class.

I mean, if age and maturity don't matter, why don't all the Sept and October birthday parents just push their kids ahead? Surely they'll be just fine if they just practice EQ and study more, right? They don't because maturity matters. And it's not something you can just teach or force any more so than you could have taught or forced your 9 mo to walk.

Also cut it out with the "off the charts" crap. You will quickly learn how meaningless it is to be some prodigy baby that potty trained or walked early. That doesn't matter at all in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only held back when my child was socially immature and in concert with her preK teachers. She’s done very well since then. I’d never hold back a gifted child as I’d be focused on making sure he or she could thrive.

Lol! My child’s PreK teacher suggested repeating. Same ridiculous abstract reason-“socially immature.” I refused and knew this was just a thoughtless and lazy “reason” that is thrown around for convenience.
Years later, his gpa very high is and he thriving and is in a leadership role.
The PreK teacher was profoundly wrong and so is yours.

I have a gifted kid who was very young for her grade (1 day before the cutoff) and socially immature but went on time. Kindergarten was a disaster. She hated all of the desk work, would get wiggly and disruptive and be sent to the principal's office daily. She came to distrust teachers and considered herself a bad kid because she was always in trouble. She hated school and cried herself to sleep every night and then sobbed all the next morning about having to go to school where the teachers hated her. She had trouble resolving problems with friends and spent a lot of time upset. It was really, really terrible. It's so hard seeing your sweet kid crumble and seem themselves a bad person and morn their loss of time to "just play." We were very lucky that she had an excellent 1st grade teacher who started to heal the trauma from the prior year. She was still wiggly and immature but the teacher gave her classroom jobs to keep her busy and put her on group projects only with kids she knew would be a good fit. Then covid hit and she was home for 1.5 years. By the time she was back a lot of the wiggly immaturity was gone, but then we got hit with mean girl dynamics and social engineering and bullying. She's still immature and struggles socially. All of her friends are well into puberty and she hasn't started at all yet. Academically she has 100% scores in every middle school class (or higher if there's extra credit), takes all honors and accelerated classes, but really should be a grade back socially. And no, she doesn't have ADHD or anything diagnosable. It's maturity.

Your preK teacher may have been wrong, but social maturity is a real thing and it can be awful if a kid really isn't ready for kindergarten but is forced.

This sounds more like behavioral issues and sounds like you didn’t model social skills for her if she struggled this much. A lot of times the parents of kids who are testing high ignore teaching and modeling the skills that will actually bring success and happiness as an adult. Work on EQ. It’s going to make no difference if she’s 99 percent in anything if she can’t make and keep relationships and cooperate with others.

Oh boy. I promise you that EQ has been a focus her whole life. It's like me asking why your 50th percentile math student isn't getting 99th percentile scores?!? Don't you practice math with them? Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Developmentally they arrive at different skills at different times. She's a kid who was walking at 8.5 months, climping the big slide at the playground and going down independently at 10 months and going on 2+ mile bike rides at 3 yo. She was reading chapter books at 4 yo. But the social stuff is a bit behind. It always has been. She eventually gets there, but when she gets to it. Kids come as they come and you can't force them to be who you want them to be.

She went to a very well respected preschool for the two years before kindergarten. That's how kids typically learn classroom skills. She had some skills, but was not ready for the pace of kindergarten day. She really just needed more free playtime, more playground time, and less desk time--just like the schedule she had in pre-K, which shouldn't be super surprising as she was still 4 yo for the beginning of kindergarten.

She's not very far outside of norms, but she is the very youngest in her grade. So when she's around all older kids she seems especially young. She would be totally average behavior and maturity wise for the class below.

Social maturity is a real thing. That's all I'm saying.

I can just tell what kind of mom you are by what you posted. Not many people talk like that … walked at 8.5 months.. I can’t even remember when my kids first walked let alone the 2 week mark. You sound really competitive about this stuff. I bet she struggles socially because you do and you’re not modeling the right behavior that makes her a likable kid. It’s not normal to have that many behavioral issues. Both of my children and myself were youngest in the grade and had zero issues. You bring up the percentiles for math. I’ll give an example. My son was in 30 percentile all through K and I started working with him 10 min a day with an online program and he’s in the 95 now in 1st based on testing first semester. So yes I absolutely believe you can supplement especially early elementary and that’s often what you see with testing, kids who receive supplemental help from a parent or had a really strong teacher.

Yeah, I think you're missing the impact of asymmetrical development. It stands out when kids do things very out of order--that's why I remember. Beginning as a baby she had some big gaps (language and frustration tolerance) and things that were off the charts ahead all at the same time. Those gaps eventually narrowed, but she came a certain way.

She had no actual behavioral issues by the second half of kindergarten and hasn't gotten in trouble since. But she also found holding it together in kindergarten to be extremely emotionally exhausting, and really struggled with expectations. It also doesn't mean that she doesn't struggle socially now and is often frustrated and sad, especially when kids gang up or she doesn't get the joke. She gets along best with kids a year younger and all her friends are on the youngest side in her class.

I mean, if age and maturity don't matter, why don't all the Sept and October birthday parents just push their kids ahead? Surely they'll be just fine if they just practice EQ and study more, right? They don't because maturity matters. And it's not something you can just teach or force any more so than you could have taught or forced your 9 mo to walk.

Look I'm not going to diagnose a stranger online, but I really hope you have gotten a neuropsych evaluation by now.

-pediatric mental health professional

[Anonymous]

Gifted dummy?

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannnot ask about “gifted” programs here. The claws come out and you get a bunch of jealous competitive women who threatened that your kid might be smarter than theirs. And no two subjects create more drama than gifted+redshirting thrown into one.