Husbands former AP wearing necklace he gave her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have every right to feel creeped out by this.

+1 Agree. OP has a right to feel whatever she feels about this, especially as she's the betrayed spouse here. And those PPs shrugging off OP's feelings by saying how jewelry from their exes is no big deal, no emotion attached -- those situations are not at all comparable to jewelry given by one cheater to another cheater. In this case, former AP =/= "ex" in the sense those PPs are discussing. They're giving the AP cover by implying she's probably just wearing the necklace because, pretty necklace, but how the AP regards the necklace is not the point here; OP's feelings about it are the point.

OP, I don't think you've been back to say how you came to see this necklace in a photo. For your own mental health, please, do not follow her (or follow anyone who follows/tags her) on social media. If you have mutual friends you feel you "must" follow on social media, well, I'd tell them you're cutting back all social media, it's taking too much time, you're going to just essential uses for your work or kids' school or whatever, and stop following them too. Just hiding their posts in your feeds will not necessarily prevent you from caving in and taking a peek at hidden posts to see if she's on there.

There never was communication again. I know for certain but I’m not going to explain how. She was very upset thought he would leave me. So yes, the necklace thing is weird. On checking social media. Guilty. It’s awful and I would give the same advice to someone but when your husband “chose” another woman over you it’s a very complex set of emotions. I think I do it to try to understand. FWIW she also posts weird Taylor Swift clips all about love gone wrong, being betrayed etc could be relating to someone else but kind of don’t think so . Yes, I should walk away from anything having to do with her. I’m well aware

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most APs turn outright bitter and nasty when the guy doesn’t leave the wife or starts paying them less attention. They will do and say things to try and hurt the wife to get back at the husband. Story as old as time. I could totally see her wearing it out of spite and to fk with the married couple.

Not true always. Most don't think he would leave their wife. They just want to have fun and be treated well.
She is wearing it because he never treated her badly. She would not be wearing it if he were bad to her.

He was pretty bad to her too. Lots of lies. And dropped her immediately, which couldn’t have felt good. She is unmarried, never married and wanted to have kids. I think she was naive but not inherently a bad person. But yes at the end she did everything she could to hurt me and to get back at him , which may be why I “monitor” her

[Anonymous]

So she yearns for him ...
want do you want us to say?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what I want you to say it’s a fair question. Just venting I guess and probably shouldn’t. It is a lonely thing some times being in this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have asked for it back. I would have made him. Do married men always give their affair partners expensive things to remember them by?

I was very generous with my AP. She was trying to compete with my wife and it was getting worse and worse. At that point I ended it and never had an AP again. There is something really strange about women trying to compete with other women they don't even know.

100% really weird psychology

Yeah, that PP thinks an AP feeling competitive with a wife is strange because they "don't even know" each other? What a bizarre thing to say.

Why does the AP even worry about the wife. Isn't her use only to get f***d?

Is this supposed to be insulting to APs? What's wife's use to men with APs? To cook, clean, carry children, get f***d, get gaslit, get lied to and so on. I am not sure that wives are getting the better end of the deal.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still married to this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most APs turn outright bitter and nasty when the guy doesn’t leave the wife or starts paying them less attention. They will do and say things to try and hurt the wife to get back at the husband. Story as old as time. I could totally see her wearing it out of spite and to fk with the married couple.

Not true always. Most don't think he would leave their wife. They just want to have fun and be treated well.
She is wearing it because he never treated her badly. She would not be wearing it if he were bad to her.

He was pretty bad to her too. Lots of lies. And dropped her immediately, which couldn’t have felt good. She is unmarried, never married and wanted to have kids. I think she was naive but not inherently a bad person. But yes at the end she did everything she could to hurt me and to get back at him , which may be why I “monitor” her

I'm the earlier PP who is Team OP -- the one who pleaded for you to end the social media looks. It's good that you're self-aware about why you're "monitoring" her online; now please take it to the next step and go from being aware that it's toxic to you, to ending the behavior. You can do this. If you have not seen a therapist (solo! not couples therapy) for yourself, consider it; you need help navigating the emotions and the feeling you "need to understand" the affair. No amount of "understanding" will make you feel better in the end, OP.

You're part of the way there but an objective professional like a therapist will help you come up with ways to divert yourself when you feel that "I want to know what she's doing" feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the immediate PP. I think this is the OP:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1176795.page#26511289

Oh no not this lady again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most APs turn outright bitter and nasty when the guy doesn’t leave the wife or starts paying them less attention. They will do and say things to try and hurt the wife to get back at the husband. Story as old as time. I could totally see her wearing it out of spite and to fk with the married couple.

Not true always. Most don't think he would leave their wife. They just want to have fun and be treated well.
She is wearing it because he never treated her badly. She would not be wearing it if he were bad to her.

He was pretty bad to her too. Lots of lies. And dropped her immediately, which couldn’t have felt good. She is unmarried, never married and wanted to have kids. I think she was naive but not inherently a bad person. But yes at the end she did everything she could to hurt me and to get back at him , which may be why I “monitor” her

I'm the earlier PP who is Team OP -- the one who pleaded for you to end the social media looks. It's good that you're self-aware about why you're "monitoring" her online; now please take it to the next step and go from being aware that it's toxic to you, to ending the behavior. You can do this. If you have not seen a therapist (solo! not couples therapy) for yourself, consider it; you need help navigating the emotions and the feeling you "need to understand" the affair. No amount of "understanding" will make you feel better in the end, OP.

You're part of the way there but an objective professional like a therapist will help you come up with ways to divert yourself when you feel that "I want to know what she's doing" feeling.

Thank you. Good advice.

[Anonymous]

The question is: why are YOU still wearing HIM? Ew. Hope you got tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have every right to feel creeped out by this.

+1 Agree. OP has a right to feel whatever she feels about this, especially as she's the betrayed spouse here. And those PPs shrugging off OP's feelings by saying how jewelry from their exes is no big deal, no emotion attached -- those situations are not at all comparable to jewelry given by one cheater to another cheater. In this case, former AP =/= "ex" in the sense those PPs are discussing. They're giving the AP cover by implying she's probably just wearing the necklace because, pretty necklace, but how the AP regards the necklace is not the point here; OP's feelings about it are the point.

OP, I don't think you've been back to say how you came to see this necklace in a photo. For your own mental health, please, do not follow her (or follow anyone who follows/tags her) on social media. If you have mutual friends you feel you "must" follow on social media, well, I'd tell them you're cutting back all social media, it's taking too much time, you're going to just essential uses for your work or kids' school or whatever, and stop following them too. Just hiding their posts in your feeds will not necessarily prevent you from caving in and taking a peek at hidden posts to see if she's on there.

There never was communication again. I know for certain but I’m not going to explain how. She was very upset thought he would leave me. So yes, the necklace thing is weird. On checking social media. Guilty. It’s awful and I would give the same advice to someone but when your husband “chose” another woman over you it’s a very complex set of emotions. I think I do it to try to understand. FWIW she also posts weird Taylor Swift clips all about love gone wrong, being betrayed etc could be relating to someone else but kind of don’t think so . Yes, I should walk away from anything having to do with her. I’m well aware

It's just incredible when a woman loves someone She won't care if he is married, single, a cheater. She wants that man for herself. She is on a mission. A friend of mine had an AP that was so determined to get him to divorce his wife that when he wasn't moving fast enough she stole his wife's number his phone and starting sending him pictures of the 2 of them together..that's how his wife found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are horrible. Here we have a woman who was cheated on, she comes on here to vent and you guys tell her to get over it. The way some people here downplays having an AP is scary. They talk about it like a little nuisance to get over. At some point in time, her husband was kissing, probably eating out the AP, showring her gifts, caressing her, massaging her, giving her all kind of underserved attention. OP at that time was probably home waiting for her husband, taking care of their kids if they have any, so of course this is triggering. Heck he probably put the neckless on her the first time he got it for her.

Why is OP looking at pictures of this woman then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, it is one of two things. She wears it because she likes it. Or she is wearing it because their relationship is not over. I’m going to bet on the latter, because most people don’t wear things given to them by people who disappointed them. Bad juju. So.

I wouldn’t confront him. I’d investigate it without letting him know. Hire a PI if you have to.

Or she’s just wearing it to fk with OP, knowing she is viewing her social media. I go with this.

Yup this. Knows it’ll get under OPs skin.

+100 just being a c&nt

I'm not defending the AP in what she did with respect to the affair, but if OP is viewing the AP's social media, then that's on OP. The AP can do what she wants on her social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the immediate PP. I think this is the OP:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1176795.page#26511289

Oh no not this lady again

OP, was this your post?! You really need to answer because there’s context here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the immediate PP. I think this is the OP:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1176795.page#26511289

Good catch!