when there's a super hot young lady in your office

[Anonymous]

I think OP is asking for advice on not looking--not how to get away with being creepy. Has no one else seen an attractive person at work and realized that they were looking at this person's body and felt awkward about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows you’re ogling and she thinks you’re disgusting.

She knows he’s oogling and likes it. Otherwise, why dress for attention if you don’t want and enjoy the attention?

1. She's probably not wearing a glitter halter top and mini skirt, though. She's wearing office appropriate attire that is flattering and looks good on her because she's young and has a good body. There's a difference. She shouldn't have to wear a burqa to hide her attractiveness. She should be able to look professional but cute, and yes, she should be able to do so in the hope of catching the attention of someone age-appropriate who interests her. There's nothing wrong with that. And it isn't an invitation for old middle-aged men in the office to leer and gape at her, either.

2. You find her attractive. She would look attractive to you in most office-appropriate attire because she is young and beautiful, not because she is intentionally dressing to catch your gaze. Try to control yourself.

3. Again, she is no dressing for your attention! This is clear to everyone but you.

4. I'm the poster who worked in South Asia. Even though women covered, men still groped them, hotted and shrieked obscenities at them in public, and honor killings and assaults happened all the time. The prevailing attitude there was the same as the one you exhibit here: women wouldn't behave the way they do if they didn't want the attention. Those women were NOT inviting the attention, they were simply...existing as women. It's the same thing here. Leave this poor young woman alone. The invitation to ogle that you see is all in your head.

100%

I worked jobs in my early 20s where I wore the most unflattering clothes you can imagine and men still commented on my body. If you’re a young woman, you have to go far out of your way to dress in a way that’s not “like that” - even if you wear normal clothes, men will still assume you are dressing for them.

I call BS on this and all the other 'women have to endure gross catcalling BS"

I've worked in an office environment in DC since 1995 and have just one- ONCE- seen/heard a guy comment on a female coworkers looks. It was crude and about her @ss but that is it. Once.

Then you haven't been around the men you work with very much. Or men didn't comment on you.

It was non-stop for me. I remember traveling from a work event with a man in his 50s - I was 24 - and he went on and on about how physically I was perfect. I literally wore just khakis and polo shirts around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? Isn’t that why women dress like that? Want guys to look?

And it works both ways. I'm a fat, middle aged mom of 2 who works with attractive 20-something men. If the cute 20-something secretary flirts with them, they're happy. If I tried to flirt with them, they'd be extremely grossed out.

I always see gross men complain "the cute girls only want the hot guys" but I have yet to see any of those same men be thrilled a gross woman hits on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? Isn’t that why women dress like that? Want guys to look?

Laughed at that meme! So true. It's only "creepy" when ugly people flirt with you. Goes for both genders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP
I am really curious and have a question for the older men, since I know how I as a 20s woman felt about the men over 30. The feeling is still visceral reading the first post.

How did you feel as a young man about older women? Were they just nice, mean, clearly not interested, busy, did many seem like cougars? I'm not thinking about one off experiences but what was your general impression, if you had one at all?

Men don't have a fear and disgust reaction to average or attractive women, only the 1% worst .

Women don’t have a fear and disgust reaction to men in those situations either. The disgust comes from being leered at. Do you not get the difference?

The difference between being looked at and being leered at is dependent on the attractiveness of the male with eyes pointed in your direction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? Isn’t that why women dress like that? Want guys to look?

And it works both ways. I'm a fat, middle aged mom of 2 who works with attractive 20-something men. If the cute 20-something secretary flirts with them, they're happy. If I tried to flirt with them, they'd be extremely grossed out.

I always see gross men complain "the cute girls only want the hot guys" but I have yet to see any of those same men be thrilled a gross woman hits on them.

I’m a middling looking guy. Guys will only “flirt” with attractive women. I don’t really flirt but I can observe.

In my experience, women of all attractiveness levels either flirt or they don’t flirt. But the ones who flirt are equal opportunity and don’t discriminate much based on looks. And when everyone is young and single, it’s probably roughly 50/50 do vs don’t .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP
I am really curious and have a question for the older men, since I know how I as a 20s woman felt about the men over 30. The feeling is still visceral reading the first post.

How did you feel as a young man about older women? Were they just nice, mean, clearly not interested, busy, did many seem like cougars? I'm not thinking about one off experiences but what was your general impression, if you had one at all?

Men don't have a fear and disgust reaction to average or attractive women, only the 1% worst .

Women don’t have a fear and disgust reaction to men in those situations either. The disgust comes from being leered at. Do you not get the difference?

The difference between being looked at and being leered at is dependent on the attractiveness of the male with eyes pointed in your direction

No, it’s not.

[Anonymous]

lol at all the gross middle aged men on here who think women are dressing up at the office to attract the stares of middle aged men.

It’s a well known fact that women of all ages dress up for other women. When we get dressed up for the office, we are seeking the unconscious approval of our other female colleagues. We aren’t looking for some creeper 50 year old to tell us that we look pretty. So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? Isn’t that why women dress like that? Want guys to look?

A blouse and a pencil skirt? Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man with an ample bottom. My waist is thin which accentuates the size well. I wear stretch Benobos and tight shirts but am demure about my handsomeness.

I can’t with this website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? Isn’t that why women dress like that? Want guys to look?

No. They don't want gross old men their dad's age to look, actually. Nothing is more disgusting than noticing that stupid-eyed look from an old man who thinks he is being subtle as he sneaks glances at your body.

Women want the men they are interested in to look. In most cases, this is moderately attractive men around their own age. It is rarely the gross old man in the office who posts online about what to do when "there's a super hot young lady" around.

LOL. Mids 40s guy is "gross old man"

Found the angry ugly lady!

To people in their 20s, yes, mid-40s people are gross and old. My mid-40s H is hot AF to me but at 23 I would have found his dad bod and wrinkles pretty gross.

That is just demonstrably false. Literally half of my wife's friends at the age of 28 were sleeping with guys 40-45.

I had some older dudes in my 20’s but I met them in bars. That’s not a license to be gross at work. Young men shouldn’t be gross at work either. Nor should women! Women can be guilty of this too especially to younger men who might be vulnerable from the power imbalance. It’s inappropriate and it doesn’t matter who is attractive or dressed however.

See, I don't get this. When I see a young man at work who could be near my son's age, I actually feel maternal toward him. My own boy is 24 now, but still my "little boy", and I see men his age in the same light. I truly cannot imagine looking at my young male colleague, who reminds me so much of my son, in a sexual way.

+1. This is me too. They all seem like such babies to me. Maybe it’s a woman thing. Or maybe it’s just us.

+2 I still see them through the parental lens but I try to keep that to myself.

.

I fail at that. But I'm fine with being the mom. My 23 year old male colleague came to me last week wearing his gym shorts because he'd somehow split his pants, and he had an important meeting. I got out my trusty travel sewing kit and sewed his pants back together for him. He has also accidentally called me "Mom" a few times, which really embarrassed him, but I find it touching. I know he is alone here and isn't going home for Thanksgiving, so I'm actually thinking of inviting him over because I know he will fit right in with my son, who will also be home for Thanksgiving, and my son's friends who will come over and immediately revert to teenagers as they all play basketball or video games.

Wow that was really nice 😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows you’re ogling and she thinks you’re disgusting.

She knows he’s oogling and likes it. Otherwise, why dress for attention if you don’t want and enjoy the attention?

1. She's probably not wearing a glitter halter top and mini skirt, though. She's wearing office appropriate attire that is flattering and looks good on her because she's young and has a good body. There's a difference. She shouldn't have to wear a burqa to hide her attractiveness. She should be able to look professional but cute, and yes, she should be able to do so in the hope of catching the attention of someone age-appropriate who interests her. There's nothing wrong with that. And it isn't an invitation for old middle-aged men in the office to leer and gape at her, either.

2. You find her attractive. She would look attractive to you in most office-appropriate attire because she is young and beautiful, not because she is intentionally dressing to catch your gaze. Try to control yourself.

3. Again, she is no dressing for your attention! This is clear to everyone but you.

4. I'm the poster who worked in South Asia. Even though women covered, men still groped them, hotted and shrieked obscenities at them in public, and honor killings and assaults happened all the time. The prevailing attitude there was the same as the one you exhibit here: women wouldn't behave the way they do if they didn't want the attention. Those women were NOT inviting the attention, they were simply...existing as women. It's the same thing here. Leave this poor young woman alone. The invitation to ogle that you see is all in your head.

100%

I worked jobs in my early 20s where I wore the most unflattering clothes you can imagine and men still commented on my body. If you’re a young woman, you have to go far out of your way to dress in a way that’s not “like that” - even if you wear normal clothes, men will still assume you are dressing for them.

I call BS on this and all the other 'women have to endure gross catcalling BS"

I've worked in an office environment in DC since 1995 and have just one- ONCE- seen/heard a guy comment on a female coworkers looks. It was crude and about her @ss but that is it. Once.

Hah. Then you must be average looking at best.

[Anonymous]

We need to bring back dating coworkers. It’s the most natural way to meet someone

[Anonymous]

I have seen it both in my C-suite. Early 20s women hired to support c-suite staff and please them willingly and same for younger men too. Don't be surprised - women cheat as much as men do. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? Isn’t that why women dress like that? Want guys to look?

And it works both ways. I'm a fat, middle aged mom of 2 who works with attractive 20-something men. If the cute 20-something secretary flirts with them, they're happy. If I tried to flirt with them, they'd be extremely grossed out.

I always see gross men complain "the cute girls only want the hot guys" but I have yet to see any of those same men be thrilled a gross woman hits on them.

Ha! Me too, I’m a late 40s lady who is completely invisible to all coworkers. It’s so nice to be able to just focus on my work and professional relationships these days. When I was in my early 20s I was attractive and would get sexual comments even in a baggy sweater and loose pants. I also dated a guy in his early 30s when I was 24 and my friends nicknamed him “old man”, some man in his 40s would have been absolutely geriatric at that point in my life.