People in sexless marriages....how do you deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

my youngest goes off to college in 12 years. I will be in my early 50s. I plan on having an entire second life of enjoying myself after I divorce my husband at that time. it’s literally the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely insane/having an affair. I take care of myself 100% so when the time comes I will be ready 🙂.

12 years? Report back because you won’t last that long.

[Anonymous]

My therapist told me this week that after six plus years of a sexless marriage and an increasing curiosity on bisexuality that I should either discuss it with DW knowing it could end the marriage, act upon my desire and see where it goes before discussing with DW or let it go. I think I've decided to scratch that itch and go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My therapist told me this week that after six plus years of a sexless marriage and an increasing curiosity on bisexuality that I should either discuss it with DW knowing it could end the marriage, act upon my desire and see where it goes before discussing with DW or let it go. I think I've decided to scratch that itch and go for it.

Your therapist sounds terrible. You should probably get a second opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

my youngest goes off to college in 12 years. I will be in my early 50s. I plan on having an entire second life of enjoying myself after I divorce my husband at that time. it’s literally the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely insane/having an affair. I take care of myself 100% so when the time comes I will be ready 🙂.

That was my plan and then the youngest went to college but I am too lazy to go anywhere now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist told me this week that after six plus years of a sexless marriage and an increasing curiosity on bisexuality that I should either discuss it with DW knowing it could end the marriage, act upon my desire and see where it goes before discussing with DW or let it go. I think I've decided to scratch that itch and go for it.

Your therapist sounds terrible. You should probably get a second opinion.

Really? (Woman here who is just entering the conversation.) If I was in a sexless marriage with a man who wants to have sex with other men and has thought about it for years, I would want to let him loose and so we could both be happy.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t it illegal to sleep with a ManChild, whose brain and emotional development is like age 4?

[Anonymous]

Porn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sex for a year. On impulse, ordered a toy from Amazon, and not sure how, but DH found out about it, and got very curious about my kinky side. Got to work, and did an all nighter, incorporating the new addition into rekindled intimacy. Since then, collection has been steadily growing. Even ventured to Vegas and explored the sex club scene together, adding a new layer to next phase of our holy union.

NP.

While some are calling this a troll-response/ not real, I’m not so sure.

Buying DW a wand, and then incorporating it into both our couple and her solo activities, has been a win-win. Can’t hurt to try adding a vibrator, just so long as you don’t have major insecurities or something.

[Anonymous]

I remember the last time my DW seemed really turned on and initiated sex. It was September of 2022. That was great! Since then, I’m really the one who initiates but there’s a 50/50 chance of being shot down. I’d say we average maybe once month to six weeks at best. I get frustrated, but try to stay positive. When I try to talk about it, it doesn’t seem to help. If I say something like, “We haven’t had sex since my birthday” (at the end of August), she gets annoyed and says she can’t believe I’m keeping track. A week or so ago she asked me what was wrong. Said I seemed down. I explained that it was probably because of the pre mentioned reason and that I kept hoping (daily) that she might be the one to show interest or initiate it. Well, here we are a weekend later…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember the last time my DW seemed really turned on and initiated sex. It was September of 2022. That was great! Since then, I’m really the one who initiates but there’s a 50/50 chance of being shot down. I’d say we average maybe once month to six weeks at best. I get frustrated, but try to stay positive. When I try to talk about it, it doesn’t seem to help. If I say something like, “We haven’t had sex since my birthday” (at the end of August), she gets annoyed and says she can’t believe I’m keeping track. A week or so ago she asked me what was wrong. Said I seemed down. I explained that it was probably because of the pre mentioned reason and that I kept hoping (daily) that she might be the one to show interest or initiate it. Well, here we are a weekend later…

The first rule of sexless marriage is don’t talk about sexless marriage.

Because it makes the *witholding* spouse upset.

And we can’t have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember the last time my DW seemed really turned on and initiated sex. It was September of 2022. That was great! Since then, I’m really the one who initiates but there’s a 50/50 chance of being shot down. I’d say we average maybe once month to six weeks at best. I get frustrated, but try to stay positive. When I try to talk about it, it doesn’t seem to help. If I say something like, “We haven’t had sex since my birthday” (at the end of August), she gets annoyed and says she can’t believe I’m keeping track. A week or so ago she asked me what was wrong. Said I seemed down. I explained that it was probably because of the pre mentioned reason and that I kept hoping (daily) that she might be the one to show interest or initiate it. Well, here we are a weekend later…

The first rule of sexless marriage is don’t talk about sexless marriage.

Because it makes the *witholding* spouse upset.

And we can’t have that.

I was a PP in the same boat. There is definitely something wrong in the marriage. It wasn't until we had couples therapy that everything came out. Maybe your partner doesn't want to discuss it because they don't want to rock the equilibium that exists right now. When we finally discussed all our issues, it was excruciating because we hadn't really been honest with each other in a long time. Having sex rarely was only a symptom. I'm happy we worked through it, but it was a long, hard road to having a better marriage.

[Anonymous]

I live in my head... I'm happy there. There i get laid.

[Anonymous]

More than the sex part, I miss intimate touch. I can give myself orgasms, I can’t mimic another person loving me. I love me. Not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More than the sex part, I miss intimate touch. I can give myself orgasms, I can’t mimic another person loving me. I love me. Not the same.

Are you married? If yes, your spouse is really missing out. If you are single, there is someone out there who will be very lucky to meet you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More than the sex part, I miss intimate touch. I can give myself orgasms, I can’t mimic another person loving me. I love me. Not the same.

Are you married? If yes, your spouse is really missing out. If you are single, there is someone out there who will be very lucky to meet you.

Married with a child.

Thank you. 😊