People in sexless marriages....how do you deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

Similar here. So sorry.

[Anonymous]

Yea, I think my sexless marriage is the beginning of the end.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sleeping with a dysfunctional ManChild!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell, its been so long since I’ve had sex, I sometimes go running in flip flops just to remember what it sounds like.

Bwahahaha!

Sorry to laugh at your pain. 😶‍🌫️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sleeping with a dysfunctional ManChild!

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that I’d be really struggling if I went three months in my marriage. It would be a challenge both physically and emotionally.

However….. I think op is a troll, and is the same poster who regularly posts lately as a man, and the posts always sound a little like erotic literature, but clearly written by a man. Like, a couple weeks ago the guy who posted his “embarrassing” story about being on a jet ski with a boner. There have been 4 or 5 posts in the last month that I’ve thought “this story is subtly erotic, written more like literature, and far fetched” that I think there’s some bored guy in dc enjoying the creative challenge of turning on a bunch of middle aged moms. Sorry!!

OP. I’m definitely not that guy, but I remember his posts, LOL. I think if I were him I would have said I rubbed up on the waiter (and I’m WAY too chicken to do anything like that).

I guess it’s not just the sex, it’s that we don’t really connect in any other way. He’s ADHD and quite aloof, doesn’t really ever want to do fun family things or couple things aside from the daily grind stuff, sex has been the only way I get to feel a sense of connection to him.

Words of affirmation are my primary love language, and he would never actually give me any words of affirmation because he just doesn’t work that way. Physical touch is my second love language so I became reliant on that to feel loved. And now that’s gone.

He sounds like he has ASD tendencies much more than ADHD.

- Wife of someone with ASD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex had no interest in sex or traveling so once or twice a year I’d go on a singles cruise or tour. The men were generally ten years older than me but that was fine. I certainly don’t recommend this for everyone but it worked for me.

Did you have raw sex with these men? Be honest. Did they bring their STD results with them? Be honest. Or were you so desperate for d**k that you just took anything in you.

Pepper pp with questions.
BE HONEST.
Pepper pp with more questions.
BE HONEST.
Insults pp and then expects HONEST answers, lol.

You sound bitter, resentful and angry, pp.
I wouldn't answer your questions, because you clearly don't know how to have a civil back and forth conversation without being a judgmental, negative @sshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sex for a year. On impulse, ordered a toy from Amazon, and not sure how, but DH found out about it, and got very curious about my kinky side. Got to work, and did an all nighter, incorporating the new addition into rekindled intimacy. Since then, collection has been steadily growing. Even ventured to Vegas and explored the sex club scene together, adding a new layer to next phase of our holy union.

LOL, I see what you mean about the "erotic/fan fiction", pp.

This is right out of Penthouse Forums, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sex for a year. On impulse, ordered a toy from Amazon, and not sure how, but DH found out about it, and got very curious about my kinky side. Got to work, and did an all nighter, incorporating the new addition into rekindled intimacy. Since then, collection has been steadily growing. Even ventured to Vegas and explored the sex club scene together, adding a new layer to next phase of our holy union.

LOL, I see what you mean about the "erotic/fan fiction", pp.

This is right out of Penthouse Forums, lol.

lol. My husband said cool. Seemed intrigued for half a second. Smacked my but oddly once then fell asleep.

[Anonymous]

Once in awhile we will watch porn together and try to replicate what we see on the screen. It can be very debasing but it’s better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sleeping with a dysfunctional ManChild!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

Similar here. So sorry.

Similar boat, but I'm in my late 40s, so every day I struggle with this choice: leave and try to find a fulfilling sex life for what are likely my last 10 years of having a sex life, but at the risk of not having a good companion in old age; or stay, lock in the old-age companion, but give up on a sexual relationship. I don't think there's a good answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sex for a year. On impulse, ordered a toy from Amazon, and not sure how, but DH found out about it, and got very curious about my kinky side. Got to work, and did an all nighter, incorporating the new addition into rekindled intimacy. Since then, collection has been steadily growing. Even ventured to Vegas and explored the sex club scene together, adding a new layer to next phase of our holy union.

LOL, I see what you mean about the "erotic/fan fiction", pp.

This is right out of Penthouse Forums, lol.

Can't say I mind a little spice in these pages, TBH. Keep the fan fiction coming! I'm a fan of your fiction!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

Similar here. So sorry.

Similar boat, but I'm in my late 40s, so every day I struggle with this choice: leave and try to find a fulfilling sex life for what are likely my last 10 years of having a sex life, but at the risk of not having a good companion in old age; or stay, lock in the old-age companion, but give up on a sexual relationship. I don't think there's a good answer.

I third this.

No major issues in my marriage.
We have a good partnership that will last.
But sex life dead.

Do I stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

my youngest goes off to college in 12 years. I will be in my early 50s. I plan on having an entire second life of enjoying myself after I divorce my husband at that time. it’s literally the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely insane/having an affair. I take care of myself 100% so when the time comes I will be ready 🙂.