People in sexless marriages....how do you deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to believe, but for the first 16 years of our marriage, DH and I only had sex once a month. I thought he just had a low sex drive but then we were fighting so much, we didn't have sex for 4 months and started counseling. Surprise surprise, we had an emotionally distant relationship our entire marriage. We worked super hard to repair our relationship and now have sex once a week.

During the once a month years, I mostly helped myself liberally and fantasized about other men. Unbeknownst to me, I also flirted more than I meant to with other men: dads in the neighborhood, some guys at work, etc. I never cheated, but had all this pent up energy that had to go somewhere.

Hugs OP. I hope you sort this out soon.

I like sex. Have had it liberally and am the farthest from a prude you would get. I just cannot understand how sex is such a priority for some of you. That’s not necessarily a criticism but I don’t get the fixation. Pent up energy? Fantasizing? Flirting?

People have different drives. I love sex and can’t go more than a couple weeks without it. That’s sort of like wondering why some people can’t go without social interaction - some people are introverts, some are extroverts

Thanks captain obvious. Sort of my point. But “can’t go more than a couple weeks without it?” Or what?

I spontaneously implode, of course.

Maybe you’ve just never had really good sex? Your attitude sucks, can’t imagine many people are attracted to that.

I swear every woman’s life would change forever if she slept with one man who was good at oral. It’s hard to find. But after that, it’ll occupy your every thought.

DP but WTH?

All she did was ask a question.

I’m betting all you “can’t possibly go two whole weeks without sex” women are dorky losers who have convinced yourselves that you are in fact insatiable sexual creatures to compensate for a lack of male interest and attention when you were young.

Because you sound insane, at best, or mind bogglingly immature at worst.

[Anonymous]

I’m busy with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do they deal?!

They must think of sex all the time, 24/7.

Whilst the other one thinks of the actual underlying major problem in the marriage.

No, can’t be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to believe, but for the first 16 years of our marriage, DH and I only had sex once a month. I thought he just had a low sex drive but then we were fighting so much, we didn't have sex for 4 months and started counseling. Surprise surprise, we had an emotionally distant relationship our entire marriage. We worked super hard to repair our relationship and now have sex once a week.

During the once a month years, I mostly helped myself liberally and fantasized about other men. Unbeknownst to me, I also flirted more than I meant to with other men: dads in the neighborhood, some guys at work, etc. I never cheated, but had all this pent up energy that had to go somewhere.

Hugs OP. I hope you sort this out soon.

I like sex. Have had it liberally and am the farthest from a prude you would get. I just cannot understand how sex is such a priority for some of you. That’s not necessarily a criticism but I don’t get the fixation. Pent up energy? Fantasizing? Flirting?

People have different drives. I love sex and can’t go more than a couple weeks without it. That’s sort of like wondering why some people can’t go without social interaction - some people are introverts, some are extroverts

Thanks captain obvious. Sort of my point. But “can’t go more than a couple weeks without it?” Or what?

I spontaneously implode, of course.

Maybe you’ve just never had really good sex? Your attitude sucks, can’t imagine many people are attracted to that.

I swear every woman’s life would change forever if she slept with one man who was good at oral. It’s hard to find. But after that, it’ll occupy your every thought.

Tell yourself whatever you need to, hon. I’ve had plenty of very good and adventurous sex. And a DH hood at oral. But it does not preoccupy my life. Sorry you have little else in yours.

Ps you didn’t need to make it nasty. That says a lot about YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the hell is medically wrong with you freaks who can't go a single "dry" year without sex? Do you not have hands?

I acknowledge that good sex is amazing, but it's luxury goods. You can't "self-discipline", literally and figuratively?

Bunch of addicts on this forum.

I have hands but my husband has many other body parts that work for me. A dry year would be awful and I am far from an addict. We’ve been married a long time and we’ve never had a dry period other than pregnancy related. Even then we had fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to believe, but for the first 16 years of our marriage, DH and I only had sex once a month. I thought he just had a low sex drive but then we were fighting so much, we didn't have sex for 4 months and started counseling. Surprise surprise, we had an emotionally distant relationship our entire marriage. We worked super hard to repair our relationship and now have sex once a week.

During the once a month years, I mostly helped myself liberally and fantasized about other men. Unbeknownst to me, I also flirted more than I meant to with other men: dads in the neighborhood, some guys at work, etc. I never cheated, but had all this pent up energy that had to go somewhere.

Hugs OP. I hope you sort this out soon.

I like sex. Have had it liberally and am the farthest from a prude you would get. I just cannot understand how sex is such a priority for some of you. That’s not necessarily a criticism but I don’t get the fixation. Pent up energy? Fantasizing? Flirting?

People have different drives. I love sex and can’t go more than a couple weeks without it. That’s sort of like wondering why some people can’t go without social interaction - some people are introverts, some are extroverts

Thanks captain obvious. Sort of my point. But “can’t go more than a couple weeks without it?” Or what?

I spontaneously implode, of course.

Maybe you’ve just never had really good sex? Your attitude sucks, can’t imagine many people are attracted to that.

I swear every woman’s life would change forever if she slept with one man who was good at oral. It’s hard to find. But after that, it’ll occupy your every thought.

DP but WTH?

All she did was ask a question.

I’m betting all you “can’t possibly go two whole weeks without sex” women are dorky losers who have convinced yourselves that you are in fact insatiable sexual creatures to compensate for a lack of male interest and attention when you were young.

Because you sound insane, at best, or mind bogglingly immature at worst.

The sarcastic “thanks captain obvious” was completely unnecessary.

People have different desires for different things. Some people can’t go two weeks without talking to friends, listening to good music, or having a delicious meal. And it’s really not rocket science to deduce that if someone is extroverted and goes a couple weeks without talking to anybody, they will become fixated on trying to talk to somebody and have pent-up social energy.

I’ve always had plenty of male attention, no deficit there.

[Anonymous]

Some people have dry spells but we were living in the Sahara for years without a drop of watee. I didn't deal well - remained faithful but turned angry and resentful. We eventually divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:H took a new job a few months back that is extremely demanding with long hours and a lot of physical work. He still helps out at home a TON, but he's too exhausted for sex anymore. He's usually asleep before the kids are and I'm lucky if it's once a month.

I'm going bonkers. The other day I took the kids to IHOP while he slept in and eye-f***ed the hell out of an adorable college guy working there. Seriously thought about slipping him my number and giving him the time of his life.

How do you deal? I don't think I can last 3 more months like this, let alone another 20 years.

Get a vibrator. Or rabbit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do they deal?!

They must think of sex all the time, 24/7.

Whilst the other one thinks of the actual underlying major problem in the marriage.

No, can’t be!

But sometimes mismatched sex drives can be the major problem in the marriage. I think it’s easy for people to become unfairly unsympathetic to those in this situation. When sex is going well in a marriage, it seems like a trivial afterthought, you don’t think about it much because you don’t need to, and the response to this kind of thread is “what’s the big deal”? But when it’s not going well, it looms very large indeed.

[Anonymous]

In our case, it was one of the symptoms of a failing marriage. After 20+ years, most of which were sexless, we divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our case, it was one of the symptoms of a failing marriage. After 20+ years, most of which were sexless, we divorced.

Only a vagina can last that long

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to believe, but for the first 16 years of our marriage, DH and I only had sex once a month. I thought he just had a low sex drive but then we were fighting so much, we didn't have sex for 4 months and started counseling. Surprise surprise, we had an emotionally distant relationship our entire marriage. We worked super hard to repair our relationship and now have sex once a week.

During the once a month years, I mostly helped myself liberally and fantasized about other men. Unbeknownst to me, I also flirted more than I meant to with other men: dads in the neighborhood, some guys at work, etc. I never cheated, but had all this pent up energy that had to go somewhere.

Hugs OP. I hope you sort this out soon.

I like sex. Have had it liberally and am the farthest from a prude you would get. I just cannot understand how sex is such a priority for some of you. That’s not necessarily a criticism but I don’t get the fixation. Pent up energy? Fantasizing? Flirting?

People have different drives. I love sex and can’t go more than a couple weeks without it. That’s sort of like wondering why some people can’t go without social interaction - some people are introverts, some are extroverts

Thanks captain obvious. Sort of my point. But “can’t go more than a couple weeks without it?” Or what?

I spontaneously implode, of course.

Maybe you’ve just never had really good sex? Your attitude sucks, can’t imagine many people are attracted to that.

I swear every woman’s life would change forever if she slept with one man who was good at oral. It’s hard to find. But after that, it’ll occupy your every thought.

DP but WTH?

All she did was ask a question.

I’m betting all you “can’t possibly go two whole weeks without sex” women are dorky losers who have convinced yourselves that you are in fact insatiable sexual creatures to compensate for a lack of male interest and attention when you were young.

Because you sound insane, at best, or mind bogglingly immature at worst.

The sarcastic “thanks captain obvious” was completely unnecessary.

People have different desires for different things. Some people can’t go two weeks without talking to friends, listening to good music, or having a delicious meal. And it’s really not rocket science to deduce that if someone is extroverted and goes a couple weeks without talking to anybody, they will become fixated on trying to talk to somebody and have pent-up social energy.

I’ve always had plenty of male attention, no deficit there.

It was necessary due to the tone of the app and how ridiculous she is. I’m extremely extroverted. And I don’t fixate on much of anything actually. I think it’s a problem if one does so.

[Anonymous]

Married 15 years. Haven't had sex in probably 10 years at this point - I've lost track.

I've had periodic meltdowns, gotten us into therapy, offered to do all kinds of things, but I'm the only one making any kind of effort. I have no idea what his problem(s) is/are - nor does he, and he is not willing to do anything about it.

It's miserable. I cope by masturbating, reminding myself of the many wonderful things about our life, and deciding I can mostly live with it. And it sucks. And I'm so very sad that this is my life. And I'm in my late 50's now so I guess I will just give up.

(And we have kids who are still young - so that puts divorce off the table.)

So I feel your pain OP, but have nothing useful to offer.

[Anonymous]

We fight a lot and he still doesn’t connect the dots as to how our communication is breaking down. The man has tried in years and i can coax him into at least fooling around twice a year. No sex happens then either. I feel like a withered hag sexually. He groomed me into accepting this. It’s wild. I used to try and really seduce him, eventually gave up. It was sadness followed by anger then numbness then slight apathy. Now I know I love him. It’s feeling pretty platonic at this point - I’m less upset but I am more compassionate when we’ve been intimate. It would be fixable if he really made any effort at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We fight a lot and he still doesn’t connect the dots as to how our communication is breaking down. The man has tried in years and i can coax him into at least fooling around twice a year. No sex happens then either. I feel like a withered hag sexually. He groomed me into accepting this. It’s wild. I used to try and really seduce him, eventually gave up. It was sadness followed by anger then numbness then slight apathy. Now I know I love him. It’s feeling pretty platonic at this point - I’m less upset but I am more compassionate when we’ve been intimate. It would be fixable if he really made any effort at all.

Hasn’t tried in years…so many typos.