Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter presumably lives with you, right? And she was working all day, you ate dinner without her (which might have been fair depending on the time), and you didn’t think about how she’d feel about coming home to no meal? Of course she isn’t entitled to carryout, but she’s probably feeling hurt that you didn’t even think about what she’d eat after coming home tired - you’re her parents.

She’s 17!!! This is how you raise entitled kids, who can’t do anything for themselves. She doesn’t ‘deserve’ take out, she can make her own meal. If there’s no food, she can go to the grocery store and buy some. Absurd!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to work 15 hour days around your daughter’s age. Including my commute, I was out of the house for 17 hours at a time. I would come home and pass out, because that’s how exhausted I was (and get up a few hours later to do my schoolwork).

I was really grateful to have supportive parents that understood that there were little things they could do to make my life easier. One or the other would get up early to make me breakfast. Dad would offer to drive me. There was a plate in the microwave for me. None was that was because I asked for it or expected it, but because they understood that I was trying, and wanted me to know that they were appreciative and supportive.

We have continued to have close relationships as adults. I guess this is my long winded way of saying you should always choose kindness. Your children will never forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were working all day and DH wasn’t and then he decided to get dinner out I would of course be very pleased and touched if he picked up something for me as well and brought it home. It’s just kind of like those nice things people and families do for right? Obviously a 17-year-old can make her own food ((one would assume) but you did something nice for yours yourselves and she’s still a minor and part of the family (and was working!)) So I don’t really see how it’s better parenting not to bring her Home something to eat

But if he went to a place you hate, which is what happened in the OP, what then? Maybe he went there because he normally can’t because when you both go out you pick a place you both like. And this is one meal, it doesn’t mean OP never does anything ever for her kids. Who sound pretty spoiled by the way.

Communicate. Be caring to the people you live with.

Sounds like a stretch for some here.

I’m not a martyr for a 17 yr old picky eater. Sometimes I’d like to eat what I want as an adult after catering to a child for 17 years. She can make a sandwich or leftovers once in awhile.

Martyr. Lol, seriously? You can actually train your kid to fend for themselves in a kind way. No martyrdom necessary.

Accusing someone of not caring for their family or explaining how nice families work is a bit much for declining to bring home take out one night for a kid who doesn’t like it anyway.

Nah, it’s nothing like that. We are not connected family unit. You’ll note that I said communicate, be caring and kind. Then some poster starting talking about being a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter presumably lives with you, right? And she was working all day, you ate dinner without her (which might have been fair depending on the time), and you didn’t think about how she’d feel about coming home to no meal? Of course she isn’t entitled to carryout, but she’s probably feeling hurt that you didn’t even think about what she’d eat after coming home tired - you’re her parents.

She’s 17!!! This is how you raise entitled kids, who can’t do anything for themselves. She doesn’t ‘deserve’ take out, she can make her own meal. If there’s no food, she can go to the grocery store and buy some. Absurd!!

DP. Your response/attitude is how you raise future adults who will have little to no relationship with you, and you’ll undoubtedly be left scratching your head wondering what you did wrong. (Or more likely, wondering what’s wrong with your kids, because obviously you did nothing wrong.)

[Anonymous]

I would have at least had something quick and easy to suggest to her, like “go ahead and have the rest of the pasta leftovers” or “there’s a Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken kit that will only take 15 minutes.” I would have absolutely brought her food.

[Anonymous]

We typically do get some carryout if there wasn't much good for them at home. Sometimes if an appetizer or dessert looks like something they would particularly like, I'll get it for them even if they had dinner.

I do this because my parents never did it for me, and I'd always wished they would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I used to work 15 hour days around your daughter’s age. Including my commute, I was out of the house for 17 hours at a time. I would come home and pass out, because that’s how exhausted I was (and get up a few hours later to do my schoolwork).

I was really grateful to have supportive parents that understood that there were little things they could do to make my life easier. One or the other would get up early to make me breakfast. Dad would offer to drive me. There was a plate in the microwave for me. None was that was because I asked for it or expected it, but because they understood that I was trying, and wanted me to know that they were appreciative and supportive.

We have continued to have close relationships as adults. I guess this is my long winded way of saying you should always choose kindness. Your children will never forget it.

+1

I worked until 10:30 every weeknight after school. My parents would often be in bed by the time I got home. But my Dad ALWAYS had a plate prepared for me, ready to either pop into the oven or the microwave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have at least had something quick and easy to suggest to her, like “go ahead and have the rest of the pasta leftovers” or “there’s a Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken kit that will only take 15 minutes.” I would have absolutely brought her food.

Orange chicken kit? Some of you have such gross diets. My god.

[Anonymous]

Having a plate ready or suggesting she warm something up that’s in the house is completely completely different than buying restaurant food because she’s being hangry. it’s really up to you either way. I think she’s over the line and expecting it. But I think when you’re 17 the world does sort of revolve around you and it can be easy to forget that your parents are on a date it’s not a family meal. I’m not hearing that she’s being neglected in any way, even if all there was in the house was a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread (and it sounds like she had plenty of options.

[Anonymous]

Now that you’ve added context. The girl won’t eat leftovers, is picky about take out, and won’t make herself food at home? She sounds insufferable. I wouldn’t bring her take out either.

[Anonymous]

Can't read the answers. OP, my kids range 12-17 (with one in college). I don't make anyone anything, nor have I ever brought take out, if I go out. But I get that your kids are used to it because it is a habit. I am sure we all have things like that. In that sense, it is a reasonable expectation but even more reasonable for you to say no more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a plate ready or suggesting she warm something up that’s in the house is completely completely different than buying restaurant food because she’s being hangry. it’s really up to you either way. I think she’s over the line and expecting it. But I think when you’re 17 the world does sort of revolve around you and it can be easy to forget that your parents are on a date it’s not a family meal. I’m not hearing that she’s being neglected in any way, even if all there was in the house was a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread (and it sounds like she had plenty of options.

But OP didn’t say she had a plate of food or anything easy ready to heat up. I don’t think she was wrong to not bring her kids takeout, however, she (and her DH) also weren’t very considerate to leave no dinner plan for a teen working late. Tbh I wouldn’t do this to my own spouse who is a fully grown adult because it just feels not very caring. If I had plans to go out and he was working late I’d at least check in and let him know my plans/that he needs to figure out something for dinner such as picking up something on the way home.

I used to have long school days followed by work and would come home to a warm plate of food from my parents. It’s just sort of what family does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't read the answers. OP, my kids range 12-17 (with one in college). I don't make anyone anything, nor have I ever brought take out, if I go out. But I get that your kids are used to it because it is a habit. I am sure we all have things like that. In that sense, it is a reasonable expectation but even more reasonable for you to say no more.

Wow. Do you fulfill ANY of your parental duties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your children are spoiled out of their minds.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that you’ve added context. The girl won’t eat leftovers, is picky about take out, and won’t make herself food at home? She sounds insufferable. I wouldn’t bring her take out either.

Huh, I wonder how a 17 year old got insufferable about her eating.