Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid came home and there was no dinner, he’d make something for himself. Not a big deal. He wouldn’t expect that I would bring him food. He’s capable of making his own because I taught him starting around age 7-8.

So you have been training him from the time he was 7 years old to know that he can’t rely on you. I know you think this is a parenting flex, but I think it’s depressing.

Teaching your child how to cook is not teaching them they can't rely on you. It is teaching them they can rely on themselves. PP did NOT say she left her 7 year old to fend for himself.

She said her kid wouldn’t bat an eye if he came home and mom and dad had not put in the slightest effort (mental or physical) into what he was going to have for dinner that night. Which means he’s used to being neglected. (And not providing your kids with meals is absolutely a form of neglect, stop kidding yourselves.)

Some of you act like you’re superior parents, but in reality you’re just lazy and don’t feel like taking care of your kids. It’s way more fun to go out to a dinner and the kids can go eff themselves, the entitled little brats!

My parents cooked for me, and somehow I managed to become a functional adult who cooks for my kids. They’re not lacking any sort of foundational life skills by not being expected to function like adults before they are actually adults.

But with a lot of irrational anger, for some reason.

What anger? I don’t actually care if y’all are sh!tty parents, but I do feel a bit sorry for your kids.

You are so extremely overreacting. Not a single person on this thread has said anything even remotely suggestive of neglect. None of these people's children are going hungry. None are coming home to a house that has no food in it. None are being refused food. None are being ignored. It sounds like all of them are being taught appropriate skills at appropriate ages for learning to cook and buy food and flexibly adapt to occasional variable family schedules.

[Anonymous]

How was a 17 year old working a double shift (with no break for a meal) on a weekday? Is she not in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How was a 17 year old working a double shift (with no break for a meal) on a weekday? Is she not in high school?

Nobody said double just coming home late which makes sense since she is in school all day, most jobs after school go late and now she needs to do HW.

[Anonymous]

At 17 I had a retail job. If I was driving home after working until close I'd stop and pick up food for myself on the way home. It never would have occurred to me to ask or expect my parents to bring home food after a date night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 17 I had a retail job. If I was driving home after working until close I'd stop and pick up food for myself on the way home. It never would have occurred to me to ask or expect my parents to bring home food after a date night.

Agree. And to add to that, the daughter didn’t even want food from the restaurant they were in. She expected parents to make an additional stop to get her carry out from somewhere else. Sorry, that is bananas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 17 I had a retail job. If I was driving home after working until close I'd stop and pick up food for myself on the way home. It never would have occurred to me to ask or expect my parents to bring home food after a date night.

Which is fine if parents are okay with mcd’s and the like.

Nothing else is open at 10pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 17 I had a retail job. If I was driving home after working until close I'd stop and pick up food for myself on the way home. It never would have occurred to me to ask or expect my parents to bring home food after a date night.

Agree. And to add to that, the daughter didn’t even want food from the restaurant they were in. She expected parents to make an additional stop to get her carry out from somewhere else. Sorry, that is bananas

Not true

She asked what we ate and if we could bring her something.

[Anonymous]

Nobody said double just coming home late which makes sense since she is in school all day, most jobs after school go late and now she needs to do HW.

OP actually quoted her daughter as saying "I just worked a double" . . . Maybe she got her GED and went straight to retail, who knows.

I would have gotten the kid food under the circumstances (although my own kids at 17 probably would have gotten their own dinner on a break or on the way home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid came home and there was no dinner, he’d make something for himself. Not a big deal. He wouldn’t expect that I would bring him food. He’s capable of making his own because I taught him starting around age 7-8.

So you have been training him from the time he was 7 years old to know that he can’t rely on you. I know you think this is a parenting flex, but I think it’s depressing.

Teaching your child how to cook is not teaching them they can't rely on you. It is teaching them they can rely on themselves. PP did NOT say she left her 7 year old to fend for himself.

She said her kid wouldn’t bat an eye if he came home and mom and dad had not put in the slightest effort (mental or physical) into what he was going to have for dinner that night. Which means he’s used to being neglected. (And not providing your kids with meals is absolutely a form of neglect, stop kidding yourselves.)

Some of you act like you’re superior parents, but in reality you’re just lazy and don’t feel like taking care of your kids. It’s way more fun to go out to a dinner and the kids can go eff themselves, the entitled little brats!

My parents cooked for me, and somehow I managed to become a functional adult who cooks for my kids. They’re not lacking any sort of foundational life skills by not being expected to function like adults before they are actually adults.

But with a lot of irrational anger, for some reason.

What anger? I don’t actually care if y’all are sh!tty parents, but I do feel a bit sorry for your kids.

You are so extremely overreacting. Not a single person on this thread has said anything even remotely suggestive of neglect. None of these people's children are going hungry. None are coming home to a house that has no food in it. None are being refused food. None are being ignored. It sounds like all of them are being taught appropriate skills at appropriate ages for learning to cook and buy food and flexibly adapt to occasional variable family schedules.

DP but refusing to cook for a 7 year old is definitely neglect. That was a pp, not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid came home and there was no dinner, he’d make something for himself. Not a big deal. He wouldn’t expect that I would bring him food. He’s capable of making his own because I taught him starting around age 7-8.

So you have been training him from the time he was 7 years old to know that he can’t rely on you. I know you think this is a parenting flex, but I think it’s depressing.

Teaching your child how to cook is not teaching them they can't rely on you. It is teaching them they can rely on themselves. PP did NOT say she left her 7 year old to fend for himself.

She said her kid wouldn’t bat an eye if he came home and mom and dad had not put in the slightest effort (mental or physical) into what he was going to have for dinner that night. Which means he’s used to being neglected. (And not providing your kids with meals is absolutely a form of neglect, stop kidding yourselves.)

Some of you act like you’re superior parents, but in reality you’re just lazy and don’t feel like taking care of your kids. It’s way more fun to go out to a dinner and the kids can go eff themselves, the entitled little brats!

My parents cooked for me, and somehow I managed to become a functional adult who cooks for my kids. They’re not lacking any sort of foundational life skills by not being expected to function like adults before they are actually adults.

But with a lot of irrational anger, for some reason.

What anger? I don’t actually care if y’all are sh!tty parents, but I do feel a bit sorry for your kids.

You are so extremely overreacting. Not a single person on this thread has said anything even remotely suggestive of neglect. None of these people's children are going hungry. None are coming home to a house that has no food in it. None are being refused food. None are being ignored. It sounds like all of them are being taught appropriate skills at appropriate ages for learning to cook and buy food and flexibly adapt to occasional variable family schedules.

DP but refusing to cook for a 7 year old is definitely neglect. That was a pp, not OP.

Please point me to the poster who refused to cook for a 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is a 17 year old not in high school? Why no college? Why is the 24 yr old around, hope he's not living at home.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 17 I had a retail job. If I was driving home after working until close I'd stop and pick up food for myself on the way home. It never would have occurred to me to ask or expect my parents to bring home food after a date night.

Which is fine if parents are okay with mcd’s and the like.

Nothing else is open at 10pm

Well, yes, my parents were okay with my 17 year old self buying McDonalds with my own money from my job on occasion.

[Anonymous]

Different take: daughter has uneven development.

Strengths: hard-working, employed, already has Associate’s degree (did she do early college somewhere?)

Challenges: picky eater, can’t make a quick dinner

OP mentions being older parents and owning a small business that now needs to close.

OP, my take is that you and your husband were so proud of her work ethic that you missed her struggling with other life skills. I also wonder if you and your husband went to college. Did getting an associate’s degree at 17 and then joining the work force full-time seem like an awesome career path to you? What is the plan here? It doesn’t sound like she’s in the trades or anything - just working retail or maybe waiting tables?

She needs more attention and parenting than she has received up until now. She may need significant scaffolding, and now is not the time to check out as parents. She needs allllll the life skills and a productive career path. 17 year olds should be in school, minimum of part-time.

The goal is not to join the full time work force at the earliest age possible. The goal is to have a 30 year old who is fully independent, a functional adult, and a contributing citizen. It’s unclear whether your 24 year old is on this path either…

You have more parenting to do!

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the replies. But when I was in high school I worked, and when I came home if it was after dinner I would make myself a sandwich. I wouldn’t have expected take out if my parents went out to eat, I wasn’t with them! I don’t think it’s bad to expect at this age for your kids to be able to figure out a meal, but if it was the norm for you to bring home take out you need to have a discussion on the new plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid came home and there was no dinner, he’d make something for himself. Not a big deal. He wouldn’t expect that I would bring him food. He’s capable of making his own because I taught him starting around age 7-8.

So you have been training him from the time he was 7 years old to know that he can’t rely on you. I know you think this is a parenting flex, but I think it’s depressing.

Teaching your child how to cook is not teaching them they can't rely on you. It is teaching them they can rely on themselves. PP did NOT say she left her 7 year old to fend for himself.

She said her kid wouldn’t bat an eye if he came home and mom and dad had not put in the slightest effort (mental or physical) into what he was going to have for dinner that night. Which means he’s used to being neglected. (And not providing your kids with meals is absolutely a form of neglect, stop kidding yourselves.)

Some of you act like you’re superior parents, but in reality you’re just lazy and don’t feel like taking care of your kids. It’s way more fun to go out to a dinner and the kids can go eff themselves, the entitled little brats!

My parents cooked for me, and somehow I managed to become a functional adult who cooks for my kids. They’re not lacking any sort of foundational life skills by not being expected to function like adults before they are actually adults.

But with a lot of irrational anger, for some reason.

What anger? I don’t actually care if y’all are sh!tty parents, but I do feel a bit sorry for your kids.

You are so extremely overreacting. Not a single person on this thread has said anything even remotely suggestive of neglect. None of these people's children are going hungry. None are coming home to a house that has no food in it. None are being refused food. None are being ignored. It sounds like all of them are being taught appropriate skills at appropriate ages for learning to cook and buy food and flexibly adapt to occasional variable family schedules.

DP but refusing to cook for a 7 year old is definitely neglect. That was a pp, not OP.

Please point me to the poster who refused to cook for a 7 year old.

"If my kid came home and there was no dinner, he’d make something for himself. Not a big deal. He wouldn’t expect that I would bring him food. He’s capable of making his own because I taught him starting around age 7-8."

Starting from 7-8 years old this pp left her child to fend for himself for dinner. Thats neglect.