Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I used to work 15 hour days around your daughter’s age. Including my commute, I was out of the house for 17 hours at a time. I would come home and pass out, because that’s how exhausted I was (and get up a few hours later to do my schoolwork).

I was really grateful to have supportive parents that understood that there were little things they could do to make my life easier. One or the other would get up early to make me breakfast. Dad would offer to drive me. There was a plate in the microwave for me. None was that was because I asked for it or expected it, but because they understood that I was trying, and wanted me to know that they were appreciative and supportive.

We have continued to have close relationships as adults. I guess this is my long winded way of saying you should always choose kindness. Your children will never forget it.

+1. What’s wrong with showing some kindness to your kids especially if they were at work? As a parent you absolutely should show some regard to what your child will eat after they come home late. I mean it’s not as if the OP was also at work or was really sick so couldn’t think of dinner. OP went out to a nice dinner and complete forgot about their kid. It’s these parents who will wonder why their adult children don’t stay in touch with them once they move out. I can’t imagine not making sure my child has something to eat when they come home late from school or work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I used to work 15 hour days around your daughter’s age. Including my commute, I was out of the house for 17 hours at a time. I would come home and pass out, because that’s how exhausted I was (and get up a few hours later to do my schoolwork).

I was really grateful to have supportive parents that understood that there were little things they could do to make my life easier. One or the other would get up early to make me breakfast. Dad would offer to drive me. There was a plate in the microwave for me. None was that was because I asked for it or expected it, but because they understood that I was trying, and wanted me to know that they were appreciative and supportive.

We have continued to have close relationships as adults. I guess this is my long winded way of saying you should always choose kindness. Your children will never forget it.

+1. What’s wrong with showing some kindness to your kids especially if they were at work? As a parent you absolutely should show some regard to what your child will eat after they come home late. I mean it’s not as if the OP was also at work or was really sick so couldn’t think of dinner. OP went out to a nice dinner and complete forgot about their kid. It’s these parents who will wonder why their adult children don’t stay in touch with them once they move out. I can’t imagine not making sure my child has something to eat when they come home late from school or work.

Seems like an extreme take.

[Anonymous]

It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.

It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.

It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)

Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?

[Anonymous]

Why is your high school aged child working that much during the school year? Make them some food.

[Anonymous]

If your spouse was normally in charge of meals and you worked a double shift and arrived home to learn that spouse had popped out to get dinner for themself and not even considered getting you anything, you would be angry. Not because you are bad at “adulting” and can’t manage to fix yourself something but because you felt ignored and unloved bc someone failed to meet an expectation they had set and didn’t think about or care how that failure impacted you.

It’s not an expectation that you get your kid takeout every time you eat out. It is an expectation that you either provide dinner of some kind (carryout, leftovers from last night, a freezer meal you know they like), or communicate in advance to let them know that they will be on their own to figure out dinner. For example stopping for their own takeout or fast food, or making a sandwich in the morning to eat on a break so they aren’t starving, or prepping dinner the night before so they can come home to something quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.

It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)

Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?

Under your standard, OP is still a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that you’ve added context. The girl won’t eat leftovers, is picky about take out, and won’t make herself food at home? She sounds insufferable. I wouldn’t bring her take out either.

Huh, I wonder how a 17 year old got insufferable about her eating.

Being allowed to? I don’t really know because my kids aren’t like this. I do bring mine take out but mine will also cook for themselves, especially if they don’t like what is being served for dinner.

A lot of kids lately don’t seem to have any life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.

It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)

Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?

The fact that you folks keep bringing up college in a thread about high school (and some posters have even bragged about not feeding their middle school kids) is telling.

I teach my minor children how to cook. I also make sure that my minor children are fed. One can (and should) do both. Pretending that leaving your kids to fend for themselves is good parenting is simply a justification for selfish and lazy parental behavior.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes when people post they aren’t including every minute detail. Acting as if this child is being neglected is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I clearly grew up too poor to answer this one with the clear head.

They sound spoiled to me. She needs to learn to get ok with leftovers and preparing snacks for herself minimum. Wow.

Same!! Growing up poor gives me great perspective on this generation.

I grew up poor but bring my kids takeout because I'm not poor anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kids were working or doing their sport or something while we were out, I would definitely get them food.

While I might not buy them dinner when we’re out. I make sure we have leftovers or something that can be very easily prepare (under 5 minutes). If I had no fast options but was eating out, I let my kids know ahead of time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.

It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)

Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?

The fact that you folks keep bringing up college in a thread about high school (and some posters have even bragged about not feeding their middle school kids) is telling.

I teach my minor children how to cook. I also make sure that my minor children are fed. One can (and should) do both. Pretending that leaving your kids to fend for themselves is good parenting is simply a justification for selfish and lazy parental behavior.

Why is this about HS? OP said her daughter graduated in May with an AA degree. She isn’t in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a plate ready or suggesting she warm something up that’s in the house is completely completely different than buying restaurant food because she’s being hangry. it’s really up to you either way. I think she’s over the line and expecting it. But I think when you’re 17 the world does sort of revolve around you and it can be easy to forget that your parents are on a date it’s not a family meal. I’m not hearing that she’s being neglected in any way, even if all there was in the house was a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread (and it sounds like she had plenty of options.

But OP didn’t say she had a plate of food or anything easy ready to heat up. I don’t think she was wrong to not bring her kids takeout, however, she (and her DH) also weren’t very considerate to leave no dinner plan for a teen working late. Tbh I wouldn’t do this to my own spouse who is a fully grown adult because it just feels not very caring. If I had plans to go out and he was working late I’d at least check in and let him know my plans/that he needs to figure out something for dinner such as picking up something on the way home.

I used to have long school days followed by work and would come home to a warm plate of food from my parents. It’s just sort of what family does.

Of course she did. OP said: “We have an abundance of food in our house, but she doesnt like to make anything for herself.”
The cupboards aren’t bare. This is someone who doesn’t want to, not can’t.