Having a baby to cement marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both have adult children and want to start over again with a baby? How old are you?

Yeah, this can't be real unless OP was a teen mom.

OP here. I have an 8 year old, I’m 39. he has adult children.

Definitely don't do this to your 8-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Omitting the detail that your H to be was widowed and raised three children on his own is, while admirable, an odd detail to omit in a discussion about having another baby. If he raised those three kids alone with no family help while losing his spouse, I find it very hard to believe he doesn’t have a strong opinion about having a newborn in his 50’s, with two kids launched and his youngest heading to college in two years. It doesn’t add up. This kind of guy is either stratospherically wealthy (and won’t help, but will hire help), or….doesn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omitting the detail that your H to be was widowed and raised three children on his own is, while admirable, an odd detail to omit in a discussion about having another baby. If he raised those three kids alone with no family help while losing his spouse, I find it very hard to believe he doesn’t have a strong opinion about having a newborn in his 50’s, with two kids launched and his youngest heading to college in two years. It doesn’t add up. This kind of guy is either stratospherically wealthy (and won’t help, but will hire help), or….doesn’t exist.

It's because none of this happened. OP is telling fairytales. She made the whole thing up, and when most people weren't falling for her ridiculous OP and her post was losing momentum she added this little detail to keep it going in hopes that a few suckers would believe her and go on about how wonderful that is and what beautiful second chance blah blah. Lies all of it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omitting the detail that your H to be was widowed and raised three children on his own is, while admirable, an odd detail to omit in a discussion about having another baby. If he raised those three kids alone with no family help while losing his spouse, I find it very hard to believe he doesn’t have a strong opinion about having a newborn in his 50’s, with two kids launched and his youngest heading to college in two years. It doesn’t add up. This kind of guy is either stratospherically wealthy (and won’t help, but will hire help), or….doesn’t exist.

It's because none of this happened. OP is telling fairytales. She made the whole thing up, and when most people weren't falling for her ridiculous OP and her post was losing momentum she added this little detail to keep it going in hopes that a few suckers would believe her and go on about how wonderful that is and what beautiful second chance blah blah. Lies all of it

DP. If someone calls troll as hard as you are here, you really should come up with a specific reason other than "The OP didn't give us EVERY single detail in one perfect novel of a first posting, so I say it's all lies." And no, PP, I am not the OP myself, though I suspect you'd come back to claim that.

Her post really seem to trigger you badly, PP. Wondering why you're so insistent on dismissing the OP's issue as "fairy tales," which you've come back to do more than once now.

I agree, she should have really mentioned at the start that he raised his kids as a single parent and not as a divorced parent doing 50 percent custody etc. But
her not doing so, while dumb, doesn't automatically negate everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you not have concerns that adding a new baby will change the dynamic among all of the existing children?

OP seems unconcerned about the fact her eight-year-old will be dealing with a new home life (with stepdad) plus the immense change of a new baby sibling and probably the inclusion in her life of stepdad's adult kids and especially any grandkids, current or future.

I also think OP is not focusing on her child who already exists; she's thinking about a perfect little nuclear family with OP and her new DH somehow "cemented" in their love by a baby. She'll say that of course she's giving her DD priority but...really, she isn't. She's prioritizing the marriage and new DH.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I appreciate everyone weighing in. I was hoping to get more feedback from people who have been in a similar situation as perhaps the spouse or child in the dynamic. Some of you are being extra harsh and assuming the worst.

It’s like there is a hive mind in this post when it comes to this post.

We are both people who love kids and family, hence why this is even a consideration. My fiancé loves being a father and believes in family first. He doesn’t see kids as a burden, which is why he would entertain this. And also why dating a single mom was no issue for him. I happen to think this is a good quality.

Everyone here is so concerned with optics and 401k’s. Life is about family and love people.

When it comes to my 8 year old she hates being an only child. She’s begged me for a sibling for years and this is the first time I’ve been able to consider giving her one. She loves my fiancé and is excited for our life together. They mesh well together and we took out time dating and integrating the two of them. Doesn’t mean there may not be numbs down the road, who knows. But we are giving it our best. And they both approach each other with hearts wide open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate everyone weighing in. I was hoping to get more feedback from people who have been in a similar situation as perhaps the spouse or child in the dynamic. Some of you are being extra harsh and assuming the worst.

It’s like there is a hive mind in this post when it comes to this post.

We are both people who love kids and family, hence why this is even a consideration. My fiancé loves being a father and believes in family first. He doesn’t see kids as a burden, which is why he would entertain this. And also why dating a single mom was no issue for him. I happen to think this is a good quality.

Everyone here is so concerned with optics and 401k’s. Life is about family and love people.

When it comes to my 8 year old she hates being an only child. She’s begged me for a sibling for years and this is the first time I’ve been able to consider giving her one. She loves my fiancé and is excited for our life together. They mesh well together and we took out time dating and integrating the two of them. Doesn’t mean there may not be numbs down the road, who knows. But we are giving it our best. And they both approach each other with hearts wide open.

I did weigh in early on, I'm the PP whose ex has 3 kids from 3 different women. It has not worked out for him.

At 39, hopefully you aren't like me - on miscarriage #6 and 3 years of infertility of unknown origin. Not exactly a fun way to spend your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know this is a bad idea, and you're hoping DCUM will say go for it, especially since he already has a grandkid, if I remember correctly.

Whatever the case, I'd be embarrassed for the dad. People are going to assume the dad is the grandfather.

My DH is military and we know a good number of military men that went on to have kids at 50 when their first wife divorced them and they pursued a younger woman. No one is jealous of someone with a baby at 50. Besides the fact that almost all of them had fertility issues and as anyone knows that is just so so painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omitting the detail that your H to be was widowed and raised three children on his own is, while admirable, an odd detail to omit in a discussion about having another baby. If he raised those three kids alone with no family help while losing his spouse, I find it very hard to believe he doesn’t have a strong opinion about having a newborn in his 50’s, with two kids launched and his youngest heading to college in two years. It doesn’t add up. This kind of guy is either stratospherically wealthy (and won’t help, but will hire help), or….doesn’t exist.

It's because none of this happened. OP is telling fairytales. She made the whole thing up, and when most people weren't falling for her ridiculous OP and her post was losing momentum she added this little detail to keep it going in hopes that a few suckers would believe her and go on about how wonderful that is and what beautiful second chance blah blah. Lies all of it

DP. If someone calls troll as hard as you are here, you really should come up with a specific reason other than "The OP didn't give us EVERY single detail in one perfect novel of a first posting, so I say it's all lies." And no, PP, I am not the OP myself, though I suspect you'd come back to claim that.

Her post really seem to trigger you badly, PP. Wondering why you're so insistent on dismissing the OP's issue as "fairy tales," which you've come back to do more than once now.

I agree, she should have really mentioned at the start that he raised his kids as a single parent and not as a divorced parent doing 50 percent custody etc. But
her not doing so, while dumb, doesn't automatically negate everything.

Yeah that's not how the internet works. She's lying, but if you want to believe her go ahead.

[Anonymous]

OP, your then 12-year-old is not going to be psyched about the family revolving around a toddler no matter how much an 8yo says they want a sibling. There will be two separate families and hour kids will barely know each other with a decade age difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate everyone weighing in. I was hoping to get more feedback from people who have been in a similar situation as perhaps the spouse or child in the dynamic. Some of you are being extra harsh and assuming the worst.[img]

It’s like there is a hive mind in this post when it comes to this post.

We are both people who love kids and family, hence why this is even a consideration. My fiancé loves being a father and believes in family first. He doesn’t see kids as a burden, which is why he would entertain this. And also why dating a single mom was no issue for him. I happen to think this is a good quality.

Everyone here is so concerned with optics and 401k’s. Life is about family and love people.

When it comes to my 8 year old she hates being an only child. She’s begged me for a sibling for years and this is the first time I’ve been able to consider giving her one. She loves my fiancé and is excited for our life together. They mesh well together and we took out time dating and integrating the two of them. Doesn’t mean there may not be numbs down the road, who knows. But we are giving it our best. And they both approach each other with hearts wide open.

It sounds like you've made up.your mind so good luck to you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a wedding date yet? Do you think he might back out? That’s what I get from your post.

There is no way he will back out. We are both very in love and excited to wed. I just think that there is an added bond when you are married with a child with someone. I fear I may miss out on that. We both are positive we want to spend the rest of our lives together m, baby or no baby.

Did you not feel this way with your first marriage?

Not OP, but no I did not feel this way when I got married and many people don’t. Not everyone is a romantic fool. I felt it was a huge risk: it was and was not worth it. I don’t assume every marriage has the same script, which you apparently do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a wedding date yet? Do you think he might back out? That’s what I get from your post.

There is no way he will back out. We are both very in love and excited to wed. I just think that there is an added bond when you are married with a child with someone. I fear I may miss out on that. We both are positive we want to spend the rest of our lives together m, baby or no baby.

Did you not feel this way with your first marriage?

Not OP, but no I did not feel this way when I got married and many people don’t. Not everyone is a romantic fool. I felt it was a huge risk: it was and was not worth it. I don’t assume every marriage has the same script, which you apparently do.

Lol. I don’t imagine every marriage has the same script. But I do think that in this country in this day and time that the vast majority of people getting married feel relatively “in love”. Pretty sure all my friends and family were based on what they tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your then 12-year-old is not going to be psyched about the family revolving around a toddler no matter how much an 8yo says they want a sibling. There will be two separate families and hour kids will barely know each other with a decade age difference.

Accurate. But OP's last post indicates she actually came here only seeking validation, and isn't actually receptive to what she's branded "harsh" takes, which you and I would call reality. She's trotted out the "family first" stuff and dismisses talk of the financial realities, possibility of problems conceiving, or chances of a child with disabilities.

She craves that baby and never really wanted to hear anything except what supports that craving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omitting the detail that your H to be was widowed and raised three children on his own is, while admirable, an odd detail to omit in a discussion about having another baby. If he raised those three kids alone with no family help while losing his spouse, I find it very hard to believe he doesn’t have a strong opinion about having a newborn in his 50’s, with two kids launched and his youngest heading to college in two years. It doesn’t add up. This kind of guy is either stratospherically wealthy (and won’t help, but will hire help), or….doesn’t exist.

She be trolling large on this thread!

Gobble it up DCUM!