Having a baby to cement marriage

[Anonymous]

This marriage will end in divorce. I feel bad for the poor guy. This woman is already looking for ways to cement the marriage ....

[Anonymous]

He didn't get a vasectomy?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea why you would even consider this. The reason it is working is because you don't have the stress of raising a kid.

They still have the 8 year old.

An 8 year old is a lot different than a newborn and toddler. They likely also only have the 8 year old half the time.. Adding a new child won't make things easier.

This is so true. They can leave the 8 year old at home alone while they go get groceries. Any car works for transportation without complicated car seats. Plus, the 8 year old is at her dad’s half the time so they have built in couple time.

A newborn would change ALL of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I’d also like to say our relationship is amazing. I don’t want a baby because it’s rocky. I’m considering it because we have the same values and I really admire him as a father. I didn’t have that with my first marriage. I think I would enjoy raising a child with him.

I think this sounds like it’s more about having a second chance to have the intact family you dreamed of with your daughter than necessarily wanting a child right now.

I get it. I’m divorcing and my youngest is 7. If I fell in love with someone I would want to experience that with them, although I’m several years older than you so I probably wouldn’t do it unless my partner really wanted it.

He has three older children, I wonder if you should talk to him and see how he feels.

[Anonymous]

You are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gross, do not have a child with him when he already has a 26 year old.

If you need to baby trap a man, your relationship is not as strong as you think it is.

Hey idiot, they’re already engaged to get married. It’s impossible to “baby trap” him when he agreed to have a baby.

He didn't agree, he said hed "go along with it". He's already a grandpa. OP should not attempt to baby trap a grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to a wonderful man. This will be a second marriage for both of us. We each have children from our first marriages. My fiancé is an excellent father. It’s one of the things I love most about him. We are both older and have said we are good with no more kids. His youngest is almost an adult.

For some reason I’ve been contemplating us trying for one more kid as a way to cement the marriage. I’m realizing I associate marriage very closely with raising children. I know my fiancé would go along with another kid if I wanted it, even though he is now a grandpa. Is my thinking here insane?

Children don’t cement anything. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t listen to these random people on DCUM. It’s only natural to want to have a child with someone you love. As long as you have financial means and a good father material partner, nothing can stop you. Own your decision!

Says someone who did it and so happy that I never let fear mongering people stop me. Think about it this way: none of us is getting any younger. Will you regret that you didn’t do it when you could? If the answer is yes, then just go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually am against it cementing a bad marriage.

But your marriage sounds good. He’s a good father and you can financially afford it.

Her what now? She's not even married.

OP you know this is dumb. You associate marriage with having/raising children because that's what you did in your last one. How'd that work out? Associate this marriage with traveling and having free time together.

Not to mention this imaginary new baby of yours would be a permanent outsider among their siblings - younger than some of his/her nieces and nephews? Very trashy.

[Anonymous]

You run the risk if having a special needs child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don’t listen to these random people on DCUM. It’s only natural to want to have a child with someone you love. As long as you have financial means and a good father material partner, nothing can stop you. Own your decision!

Says someone who did it and so happy that I never let fear mongering people stop me. Think about it this way: none of us is getting any younger. Will you regret that you didn’t do it when you could? If the answer is yes, then just go for it!

You are a grandma who had a new baby? Or married a grandpa and had a child younger than his grandchild?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don’t listen to these random people on DCUM. It’s only natural to want to have a child with someone you love. As long as you have financial means and a good father material partner, nothing can stop you. Own your decision!

Says someone who did it and so happy that I never let fear mongering people stop me. Think about it this way: none of us is getting any younger. Will you regret that you didn’t do it when you could? If the answer is yes, then just go for it!

Thanks for sharing your story. How old were you and DH when you the baby? Are there any drawbacks you are experiencing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually am against it cementing a bad marriage.

But your marriage sounds good. He’s a good father and you can financially afford it.

What if they get a special needs child.

If they both wanted kids for the sake of having kids, that's another story. But wanting kids to "cement" a marriage assumes that the kid will be healthy. An ill/disabled child will test a marriage. Why take those chances if you are already satisfied with the kids you have. Find other ways to cement your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Babies do not cement marriage. How did that work out for you the first time? Think a little, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babies do not cement marriage. How did that work out for you the first time? Think a little, OP.

This. It didn't cement her fiance's first marriage either. OP wants a kid so the ex-wife doesn't have anything over her. If this marriage doesn't work out she wants to keep him connected to her.

Respect. commitment and work cement a marriage, not a baby.