Having a baby to cement marriage

[Anonymous]

I’m considering it because we have the same values and I really admire him as a father.

OP he had a teen and two adult kids who don’t live at home. If you’re only engaged now, how much “fathering” have you seen? If you’re looking at 3 well-educated and behaved young people, there’s undoubtedly someone responsible for it. Their mom. Sexist? Probably. True? Also likely yes. This doesn’t make him a great Dad. It means he chose his first partner well, and maybe has chosen his second well. But if you don’t think you’re going to be doing the bulk of the work for that baby with a man in his 50’s, you’re not thinking this through.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a wedding date yet? Do you think he might back out? That’s what I get from your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to a wonderful man. This will be a second marriage for both of us. We each have children from our first marriages. My fiancé is an excellent father. It’s one of the things I love most about him. We are both older and have said we are good with no more kids. His youngest is almost an adult.

For some reason I’ve been contemplating us trying for one more kid as a way to cement the marriage. I’m realizing I associate marriage very closely with raising children. I know my fiancé would go along with another kid if I wanted it, even though he is now a grandpa. Is my thinking here insane?

You’re nuts…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m considering it because we have the same values and I really admire him as a father.

OP he had a teen and two adult kids who don’t live at home. If you’re only engaged now, how much “fathering” have you seen? If you’re looking at 3 well-educated and behaved young people, there’s undoubtedly someone responsible for it. Their mom. Sexist? Probably. True? Also likely yes. This doesn’t make him a great Dad. It means he chose his first partner well, and maybe has chosen his second well. But if you don’t think you’re going to be doing the bulk of the work for that baby with a man in his 50’s, you’re not thinking this through.

OP here. His first wife died and he was a single father with no family support. He is an extremely devoted and hands on father, even with his adult children. I do expect age to play a role in the fathering of any future children. For my child I was the primary parent while married and handled it fine, with the exception that my spouse at the time and I had differing values so he often undermined my parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a wedding date yet? Do you think he might back out? That’s what I get from your post.

There is no way he will back out. We are both very in love and excited to wed. I just think that there is an added bond when you are married with a child with someone. I fear I may miss out on that. We both are positive we want to spend the rest of our lives together m, baby or no baby.

[Anonymous]

You both have adult children and want to start over again with a baby? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Children are not means for your ends!

[Anonymous]

I have never ever ever encountered a situation where the new couple adds their own kids to the mix and it makes everyone's lives better. Usually it is really awful for the kids from the first marriages. If you aren't putting your own kids first, you have no business getting remarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a wedding date yet? Do you think he might back out? That’s what I get from your post.

There is no way he will back out. We are both very in love and excited to wed. I just think that there is an added bond when you are married with a child with someone. I fear I may miss out on that. We both are positive we want to spend the rest of our lives together m, baby or no baby.

Did you not feel this way with your first marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both have adult children and want to start over again with a baby? How old are you?

Yeah, this can't be real unless OP was a teen mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, both you and your fiancé are young enough to start a family together. I have a friend whose dad was late 50s when he was born. He told me he had the most amazing dad ever, who took him everywhere and taught him everything. Although his Dad passed away when he just graduated from college, and he misses him every single day. But he said he’s so grateful to be his son.

It’s about quality not length, especially for parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both have adult children and want to start over again with a baby? How old are you?

Yeah, this can't be real unless OP was a teen mom.

OP here. I have an 8 year old, I’m 39. he has adult children.

[Anonymous]

Do you not have concerns that adding a new baby will change the dynamic among all of the existing children?

[Anonymous]

OP, you know this is a bad idea, and you're hoping DCUM will say go for it, especially since he already has a grandkid, if I remember correctly.

Whatever the case, I'd be embarrassed for the dad. People are going to assume the dad is the grandfather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m considering it because we have the same values and I really admire him as a father.

OP he had a teen and two adult kids who don’t live at home. If you’re only engaged now, how much “fathering” have you seen? If you’re looking at 3 well-educated and behaved young people, there’s undoubtedly someone responsible for it. Their mom. Sexist? Probably. True? Also likely yes. This doesn’t make him a great Dad. It means he chose his first partner well, and maybe has chosen his second well. But if you don’t think you’re going to be doing the bulk of the work for that baby with a man in his 50’s, you’re not thinking this through.

OP here. His first wife died and he was a single father with no family support. He is an extremely devoted and hands on father, even with his adult children. I do expect age to play a role in the fathering of any future children. For my child I was the primary parent while married and handled it fine, with the exception that my spouse at the time and I had differing values so he often undermined my parenting.

Stop trolling.