Having a baby to cement marriage

[Anonymous]

I’m engaged to a wonderful man. This will be a second marriage for both of us. We each have children from our first marriages. My fiancé is an excellent father. It’s one of the things I love most about him. We are both older and have said we are good with no more kids. His youngest is almost an adult.

For some reason I’ve been contemplating us trying for one more kid as a way to cement the marriage. I’m realizing I associate marriage very closely with raising children. I know my fiancé would go along with another kid if I wanted it, even though he is now a grandpa. Is my thinking here insane?

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s insane. Having more kids is fine and even wonderful. But they are so stressful on relationships so having kids to cement a relationship is a crazy idea.

[Anonymous]

Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Seriously, just no.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for no. All current kids are going to resent the step parent in general, and the new half-sibling. Not to mention the strain a new baby puts on a marriage due to sheer exhaustion. And as older parents? Many of your new DH's grandchildren are going to be contemporaries with his youngest child. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Your 2nd marriage will likely fail anyway. Why bring another child into that?

[Anonymous]

Your thinking is definitely insane. Babies don't cement a marriage. Become amazing grandparents instead when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

You can always ask my ex who is about to have 3 kids with 3 different women. He's a catch!

[Anonymous]

OP you know what everyone’s response will be.

Only have a kid if you want to raise a kid. It shouldn’t be about changing the marriage. Of course it will change the marriage, but it could be good or bad.

Think about it this way. If he had a 5 year life expectancy would you still want to have a child now?

[Anonymous]

My dad did this and now the “cement” baby is dealing with super-old parents in her late 20s, when she should just be having fun and having her own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to a wonderful man. This will be a second marriage for both of us. We each have children from our first marriages. My fiancé is an excellent father. It’s one of the things I love most about him. We are both older and have said we are good with no more kids. His youngest is almost an adult.

For some reason I’ve been contemplating us trying for one more kid as a way to cement the marriage. I’m realizing I associate marriage very closely with raising children. I know my fiancé would go along with another kid if I wanted it, even though he is now a grandpa. Is my thinking here insane?

Babies can cement the marriage or break it with increase in physical, mental and financial stress.

[Anonymous]

I was born to cement my parents’ second marriage. That didn’t work out great for anyone, except that I’m alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was born to cement my parents’ second marriage. That didn’t work out great for anyone, except that I’m alive.

What issues were caused?

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh, no; enjoy this sweet period if you’d life. Why start over? I can’t even imagine.

[Anonymous]

NO! That would be so selfish and terrible for the baby and your other children. "Us" children are almost always a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

I usually am against it cementing a bad marriage.

But your marriage sounds good. He’s a good father and you can financially afford it.