Do I need to lower my expectations ( dating)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single 27 year old woman looking for some advice. I’m dating and looking for a husband. I feel like I’m well accomplished for my age and seek a man who can bring the same to the table. I have a career I love with a decently high salary with savings, I own my own home ( a small condo), and I have no debt. I’m ideally looking for men slightly older - 30-35, because most men my age still live with roommates, don’t make enough money, and don’t seem to be ready to settle down. Must not have kids and have never been married. These are the baseline attributes I’m seeking. I’m seeking a man who makes equivalent to my salary or higher, who lives alone, and who has no debt. I haven’t been able to find a guy like this and I wonder if my expectations are too unrealistic and if I should lower them?

Literally none of this matters the way you think it does. In fact, if you said you were 5’4”, 110 lbs with long hair and a killer smile, it would be more valuable to your ends. You can work in accounts payable and have three roommates, if you are cheerful, outgoing and hot, your quest for a high earning man will be easy.

[Anonymous]

(i'm also sort of convinced that this is a troll.)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

BMI for 5’2 female is 106-130. 105 is underweight for her height. OP is fine at 118.

105 is not underweight, it's thin. OP is absolutely fine at 118, but she's not "thin". That's my point. 106, 107 and 108 would all also still be thin. 118 is not thin. People should stop kidding themselves and just be honest.

She's a shorty and that is what it is but it also doesn't help her stand out and differentiate her.

Getting back to the task at hand - I would look into interest groups or clubs associated with gardening, running/fitness, travel or the like. Church or religion groups would be another possibility if that's part of your background/upbringing.

You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti?
You want a Maserati? You better work, b***
You want a Lamborghini? Sip martinis?
Look hot in a bikini? You better work, b***
You wanna live fancy? Live in a big mansion?
Party in France?
You better work, b***, you better work, b***

OP here. What are you talking about? I’m fine with working and foreign cars are a waste of money. Most cars are a waste of money. I don’t need to go to France and I’m not a big drinker.

[Anonymous]

I don't think your standards are crazy (minus the roommates thing; housing is very expensive). You make a decent salary though and you might find happiness with a guy who could let you be the breadwinner. That is, assuming you enjoy what you do.

Personally I'd go out a bit more, or figure out a way to meet people through hobbies/interests. Or even some related events to your career (which may place you around men with a similar income).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. Shared values and personality traits are equally important. I was putting out the baseline of expectations that a guy would need to hit in order to go on a date or get a second date.

OP, how are you going to determine all this on a first date? Asking about income, savings, etc. is going to come off as very gauche and will likely ensure that no man asks YOU on a second date.

OP here. That’s my issue. I don’t get many second dates and I think it’s because I focus on the baseline expectations. Only if it gets to the second date do I get more personal.

You must realize that you’re coming off as absolutely mercenary to these men, don’t you?

OP here. I don’t come out and ask men about their salary. I go off of their career. I ask questions like what are they looking for, do they eventually want marriage/kids in their future, what kind of woman do they want as a wife, etc. Is that too strong?

Yes. That's not pleasant conversation for a first date. You are trying to make some kind of emotional connection with this person. You want them to feel emotionally safe with you and excited about the idea of talking to you; that's what leads to a second date (that and attraction). Questioning like this is likely making men feel very judged. Even if you are physically attractive, they will run from that feeling.

OP here. Good to know. What should I ask? I think I’m bad at dating. All my other relationships were school + friend situations. I was already in a relationship when going on dates. This is the first time I’m adult dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(i'm also sort of convinced that this is a troll.)

OP here. I’m just bad at dating. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single 27 year old woman looking for some advice. I’m dating and looking for a husband. I feel like I’m well accomplished for my age and seek a man who can bring the same to the table. I have a career I love with a decently high salary with savings, I own my own home ( a small condo), and I have no debt. I’m ideally looking for men slightly older - 30-35, because most men my age still live with roommates, don’t make enough money, and don’t seem to be ready to settle down. Must not have kids and have never been married. These are the baseline attributes I’m seeking. I’m seeking a man who makes equivalent to my salary or higher, who lives alone, and who has no debt. I haven’t been able to find a guy like this and I wonder if my expectations are too unrealistic and if I should lower them?

Literally none of this matters the way you think it does. In fact, if you said you were 5’4”, 110 lbs with long hair and a killer smile, it would be more valuable to your ends. You can work in accounts payable and have three roommates, if you are cheerful, outgoing and hot, your quest for a high earning man will be easy.

OP here. Will you stop with the height and weight comments. It’s very rude and obsessive at this point. I can’t help I’m short and I like my weight.

[Anonymous]

You sound like no fun, OP. Loosen up. You’re way too young to have this precision approach to dating. Men can sniff your desperation out from a mile away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single 27 year old woman looking for some advice. I’m dating and looking for a husband. I feel like I’m well accomplished for my age and seek a man who can bring the same to the table. I have a career I love with a decently high salary with savings, I own my own home ( a small condo), and I have no debt. I’m ideally looking for men slightly older - 30-35, because most men my age still live with roommates, don’t make enough money, and don’t seem to be ready to settle down. Must not have kids and have never been married. These are the baseline attributes I’m seeking. I’m seeking a man who makes equivalent to my salary or higher, who lives alone, and who has no debt. I haven’t been able to find a guy like this and I wonder if my expectations are too unrealistic and if I should lower them?

Literally none of this matters the way you think it does. In fact, if you said you were 5’4”, 110 lbs with long hair and a killer smile, it would be more valuable to your ends. You can work in accounts payable and have three roommates, if you are cheerful, outgoing and hot, your quest for a high earning man will be easy.

If she were looking to be wife #3 with a prenup to a 60-year-old, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Me staying at home is also not a given or requirement. It’s just nice to have the option to work less or quit for a couple of years because I know childcare is expensive. My friend decided to stay home because her nanny cost just as much as her salary for two kids. Daycare is also equally as expensive. My sisters daycare costs is equivalent to her mortgage with 3 kids.

Many young dual-career couples are willing to dig deep to cover a nanny or good daycare for the first 3 years.

If you want to go back to work, it can be difficult to break back in if you exit for 3-5 years (maybe not in DMV, I left DMV because costs were too high to raise a family and I did not want to be a SAHM).

[Anonymous]

Get rid of all expectations and/or requirements. Be open to all good people that you connect with. Keep living your best life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like no fun, OP. Loosen up. You’re way too young to have this precision approach to dating. Men can sniff your desperation out from a mile away.

2 miles minimum for any man in her target group.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. Shared values and personality traits are equally important. I was putting out the baseline of expectations that a guy would need to hit in order to go on a date or get a second date.

OP, how are you going to determine all this on a first date? Asking about income, savings, etc. is going to come off as very gauche and will likely ensure that no man asks YOU on a second date.

OP here. That’s my issue. I don’t get many second dates and I think it’s because I focus on the baseline expectations. Only if it gets to the second date do I get more personal.

You must realize that you’re coming off as absolutely mercenary to these men, don’t you?

OP here. I don’t come out and ask men about their salary. I go off of their career. I ask questions like what are they looking for, do they eventually want marriage/kids in their future, what kind of woman do they want as a wife, etc. Is that too strong?

Yes. That's not pleasant conversation for a first date. You are trying to make some kind of emotional connection with this person. You want them to feel emotionally safe with you and excited about the idea of talking to you; that's what leads to a second date (that and attraction). Questioning like this is likely making men feel very judged. Even if you are physically attractive, they will run from that feeling.

OP here. Good to know. What should I ask? I think I’m bad at dating. All my other relationships were school + friend situations. I was already in a relationship when going on dates. This is the first time I’m adult dating.

Ask how their week is going. Ask what they did last weekend. Share charming stories about work and leave room for them to share charming stories about work (NOT just the resume details of work but stories.) Ask follow up questions.

It's a conversation! You are both assessing chemistry, not exchanging resumes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(i'm also sort of convinced that this is a troll.)

Yes this is the troll. Another lame made up thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't exclude guys with roommates, expand the age up to 39.

I also would try to get your BMI to under 20. You are almost 22 it's too thick for your age - I'm 46 and have 19 BMI while I also have boobs.

Wealthy men look for thin, the wife also plays role of representing him and the family at events etc. I'm telling you that as someone who married one of the wealthiest men at same age.

I will omit the social and moral skills of my now ex husband. Money and career aspirations are very wrong premises for dating.

OP here. I can slim down but my doctor is happy where I’m at. I’m happy where I’m at. I have large breasts ( 32DD) and curves. I’m not stick thin and I like that. I eat healthy and workout 5-6 days a week. I run about 4 days a week 3-5 miles at a time. I do strength training and boxing on alternate days.

What should I slim down to? I’m happy with my body.

lolz

Now you’re really a troll.

Shut the thread down Jeff.