Do I need to lower my expectations ( dating)

[Anonymous]

32DD distance runner without a reduction surgery. Yeah. Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.

Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.

She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.

OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.

Did you grow up in the DMV?

You have an 85th%ile household income just by yourself. If you marry someone witg the same income, you'd be north of 95%.

Basically what you are saying is that you want to spend your young family years married to a guy who is actually pulling in a rich guy's salary.

Unless you both save and you're willing to live a more middle class existence over time as you leave and re-enter the job market.

You seem to have plenty of time to keep dating and experimenting with parameters like age but if you are laying your cards about all your expectations on the table during first and second dates, that may be a problem. Guys don't want to feel like they are being pre-qualified. Even if they are looking for a wife.

I recommend you spend some time on DCUM reading threads about very rich unhappy people and their terrible marriages. Lots of cautionary tale material. Alpha males are cheating targets. High-paying jobs can be soul-crushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

You have to know the answer to this. The deal for high-earning men who support their wives financially is that she handles things at home and with the kids. My sister is a public school teacher married to someone who far outearns her, and she's taking care of the kids during the summer, all holidays, weekends when he has to work. Obviously it doesn't always work out that way, but that's why he's entering into that deal. Maybe you found a guy who does all of that stuff as well, but it's a lot more likely when women are the breadwinner that they are also doing most of the work at home. 100% of the risk and cost of childbirth and labor (meaning your family's income is at risk if you have health issue or get laid off during pregnancy), more of the paid work, and more of the domestic work. Of course not a lot of women are signing up for that.

OP makes 180K. She can pair with a teacher husband. Some men will do this.

I have 2 high-ranking MBA friends whose husbands stepped back so they could achieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't exclude guys with roommates, expand the age up to 39.

I also would try to get your BMI to under 20. You are almost 22 it's too thick for your age - I'm 46 and have 19 BMI while I also have boobs.

Wealthy men look for thin, the wife also plays role of representing him and the family at events etc. I'm telling you that as someone who married one of the wealthiest men at same age.

I will omit the social and moral skills of my now ex husband. Money and career aspirations are very wrong premises for dating.

OP here. I can slim down but my doctor is happy where I’m at. I’m happy where I’m at. I have large breasts ( 32DD) and curves. I’m not stick thin and I like that. I eat healthy and workout 5-6 days a week. I run about 4 days a week 3-5 miles at a time. I do strength training and boxing on alternate days.

What should I slim down to? I’m happy with my body.

lolz

Now you’re really a troll.

Shut the thread down Jeff.

OP here. Why am I a troll? What’s wrong wrong being happy with my body? I don’t understand the hate about my body. I work out and eat healthy. I can’t help my height and I don’t think 118lbs is too heavy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:32DD distance runner without a reduction surgery. Yeah. Sure.

OP here. It’s called two supportive sports bras. I like running. It’s therapeutic, clears my mind, and gives me a good runners high.

I’m sure there are many big chested women who run. It’s not all A cup women on the trails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.

Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.

She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.

OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.

Did you grow up in the DMV?

You have an 85th%ile household income just by yourself. If you marry someone witg the same income, you'd be north of 95%.

Basically what you are saying is that you want to spend your young family years married to a guy who is actually pulling in a rich guy's salary.

Unless you both save and you're willing to live a more middle class existence over time as you leave and re-enter the job market.

You seem to have plenty of time to keep dating and experimenting with parameters like age but if you are laying your cards about all your expectations on the table during first and second dates, that may be a problem. Guys don't want to feel like they are being pre-qualified. Even if they are looking for a wife.

I recommend you spend some time on DCUM reading threads about very rich unhappy people and their terrible marriages. Lots of cautionary tale material. Alpha males are cheating targets. High-paying jobs can be soul-crushing.

OP here. I’m from a smaller Midwest town. I grew up poor to lower middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. Shared values and personality traits are equally important. I was putting out the baseline of expectations that a guy would need to hit in order to go on a date or get a second date.

OP, how are you going to determine all this on a first date? Asking about income, savings, etc. is going to come off as very gauche and will likely ensure that no man asks YOU on a second date.

OP here. That’s my issue. I don’t get many second dates and I think it’s because I focus on the baseline expectations. Only if it gets to the second date do I get more personal.

You should try to get friends to introduce you to other friends who "haven't found the right one". Or coworkers to introduce you if they are people you trust.

I knew someone who ended up marrying her manager's kid. The couple was very happy. Manager thought the world of her so did an awkward intro. The bride did have to get reassigned within her agency.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m done with this site. I thought I would get valuable insight, instead I’ve even called a troll and lots of rude comments shimmy weight and height. Clearly this site is full of misogynistic men and women who love body shaming people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What should I roll back my expectations on? I don’t want to be dating for verbal more years because I’m too picky. What I’m doing is obviously not working. I came on here for realistic feedback.

Here’s some advice, you should be okay with finding a guy making 100-150k especially if he’s younger than 35. Yeah you might need to work more than you’d like but your 180k + his income should be fine to live a good life. You might have a few tight years if you take time off for kids but that’s your own decision. Find a guy with potential and he might make half a mil by his 40’s. Stop trying to find a dude making that much at such a young age because it’s not realistic.

OP here. I can do that. My lowest base range is 80k.

I’m not money obsessed but I’ve struggled. I know what it’s like to grow up poor and lower middle class. I didn’t go to a great public school, my parents didn’t have money for extracurricular activities or to fund school sports. I paid for school and my home on my own. I lived on a very strict budget for my early twenties. I just want better for my future kids. I want to provide them with opportunities I wasn’t able to have.

My DH grew up poor. Our affluent children don't care much about all the extras he wants to provide them because they lack envy and have no FOMO. You may also learn that a lot of middle class extracurriculars are money wasters and there are low cost alternatives.

The best thing you can provide to kids is a 100% rock solid marriage between parents and there are simply no guarantees there. Be very careful about hyperfocusing on providing "all the things" you didn't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this site. I thought I would get valuable insight, instead I’ve even called a troll and lots of rude comments shimmy weight and height. Clearly this site is full of misogynistic men and women who love body shaming people.

I agree the thread went wrong. But perhaps your mistake was to dump all that body info in detail. You should have just left it at "I'm an attractive 7".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

Height doesn’t matter that much for women, and actually it’s better to be on the shorter side if you want the widest dating pool. 5’2 is a fine height as long as she’s pretty with a nice body. Once you get to about 5’8 it starts to rule out a lot of shorter (rich) guys. Maybe if you only want to date 6’2+ rich guys it’s fine.

OP here. I have no height requirements. I actually prefer men shorter than 6ft because I’m so short. My ex was 5’8. The other 3 men ( I’ve only had 4 boyfriends) were 6’1, 5’10 and 5’6. Height doesn’t factor in for me at all.

My BIL may be perfect for you but he likes taller girls. He is early thirties and earns a million per year.

I got engaged at 27. I was earning around 200k and Dh was just finishing up grad school. Now he earns a seven figure income and I stay home.

I have friends whose husbands made millions in finance in their twenties who are now alcoholics and unemployed. I have friends who married guys perfect on paper who have cheated on them. I would be less focused on the income and home. You never know what will happen.

If you are cute, you should have no problem finding what you are looking for. My BIL has said that there are a lot of average looking girls with decent jobs. OP may fall into that category. The high earning guys care less about your income. Your decent income wouldn’t be that high for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.

Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.

She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.

OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.

She just wants someone that makes at least 180k. Just that folks. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.

Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.

She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.

OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.

Did you grow up in the DMV?

You have an 85th%ile household income just by yourself. If you marry someone witg the same income, you'd be north of 95%.

Basically what you are saying is that you want to spend your young family years married to a guy who is actually pulling in a rich guy's salary.

Unless you both save and you're willing to live a more middle class existence over time as you leave and re-enter the job market.

You seem to have plenty of time to keep dating and experimenting with parameters like age but if you are laying your cards about all your expectations on the table during first and second dates, that may be a problem. Guys don't want to feel like they are being pre-qualified. Even if they are looking for a wife.

I recommend you spend some time on DCUM reading threads about very rich unhappy people and their terrible marriages. Lots of cautionary tale material. Alpha males are cheating targets. High-paying jobs can be soul-crushing.

OP here. I’m from a smaller Midwest town. I grew up poor to lower middle class.

This is likely your problem. Did you attend a top university? I was going to say that you should meet family friends or friends of friends. If your friends are LMC, you won’t be finding what you are looking for.

I grew up poor and so did DH. We are both children of immigrants and met in grad school. We now have a seven figure income.

I’m not sure if an UMC would want you unless you are beautiful and have more than just a good job. You may just be an average cute white girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

BMI for 5’2 female is 106-130. 105 is underweight for her height. OP is fine at 118.

105 is not underweight, it's thin. OP is absolutely fine at 118, but she's not "thin". That's my point. 106, 107 and 108 would all also still be thin. 118 is not thin. People should stop kidding themselves and just be honest.

She's a shorty and that is what it is but it also doesn't help her stand out and differentiate her.

Getting back to the task at hand - I would look into interest groups or clubs associated with gardening, running/fitness, travel or the like. Church or religion groups would be another possibility if that's part of your background/upbringing.

BMI says 106 - 130. 105 is technically underweight.

I don’t understand why you feel the need to bag on OP. It’s not like she’s 150 expecting a super fit man. She’s a normal size for her frame and she shouldn’t be shamed for it.

Nope, sorry - wrong. You've got a bad reference.

102 to 136 would be the range for 5'2'' (BMI 18.5-24.9)

See:

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

and

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmi_tbl.htm

This is not a "bag" on OP but words have meanings. At one time "thin" actually meant something - now it seems that we're all out of calibration and easily kid ourselves about what is "thin".

Again 118 is fine, but it's not thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

BMI for 5’2 female is 106-130. 105 is underweight for her height. OP is fine at 118.

105 is not underweight, it's thin. OP is absolutely fine at 118, but she's not "thin". That's my point. 106, 107 and 108 would all also still be thin. 118 is not thin. People should stop kidding themselves and just be honest.

She's a shorty and that is what it is but it also doesn't help her stand out and differentiate her.

Getting back to the task at hand - I would look into interest groups or clubs associated with gardening, running/fitness, travel or the like. Church or religion groups would be another possibility if that's part of your background/upbringing.

BMI says 106 - 130. 105 is technically underweight.

I don’t understand why you feel the need to bag on OP. It’s not like she’s 150 expecting a super fit man. She’s a normal size for her frame and she shouldn’t be shamed for it.

Nope, sorry - wrong. You've got a bad reference.

102 to 136 would be the range for 5'2'' (BMI 18.5-24.9)

See:

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

and

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmi_tbl.htm

This is not a "bag" on OP but words have meanings. At one time "thin" actually meant something - now it seems that we're all out of calibration and easily kid ourselves about what is "thin".

Again 118 is fine, but it's not thin.

I’m 5’4” and used to weigh around 110. I never considered myself skinny but I was thin.

Most of my friends are thin, skinny or athletic. My petite friends who are skinny are around 100 pounds. I’m sure OP is fine but not the skinny no fat type. That is absolutely fine and I’m sure she can date fine.