Do I need to lower my expectations ( dating)

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Men are STRUGGLING. Half of them are porn/video games addicts who can barely function or hold down a job. Look up the stats on college graduation rates as well as employment. Women are beating men by every metric. It's hard but dont settle. Youre only asking for the bare minimum, but sadly many men cant even do that nowadays. Thats why the 4b movement is growing


You’re in DC, OP? Find a civil servant. Not rich, but steady work with great benefits. Dedicated, trustworthy, maybe slightly boring. That’s what I did.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about the guy having roommates. That just makes sense for some people economically at your age.

When I married, my husband and I did not have debt, but it's very common for people now to have student loan debt. If they have been paying that off steadily, I wouldn't make that a deal breaker. It's different if they have 40K in credit card debt from partying and wasting money. Avoid that or a person who wastes money in general.

Looking for someone who is 30 is good. Men will be more mature and want to settle down at that point but they're still young.

You will meet someone. If you really want to get married and make it a life priority, it will happen. But you should both love each other and like the sex you have. Thise are constants over the years. Everything else can change. Think about the vows and know that you will experience every high and low described.



And make sure to get to know his family!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.



This.

Also, where are you looking for dates?


Perhaps attend some conferences in your field. It can be good for networking but your also likely to meet men on a similar wavelength.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:How long have you been working at this? How many dates have you been on?


OP here. I’ve been dating heavily the past 3 months. I’ve been on about 30 dates with over 10 men.


How many have you slept with?


OP here. None. I don’t do casual sex. I’ve only slept with 4 men, all long-term boyfriends.


What happened with those guys?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about the guy having roommates. That just makes sense for some people economically at your age.

When I married, my husband and I did not have debt, but it's very common for people now to have student loan debt. If they have been paying that off steadily, I wouldn't make that a deal breaker. It's different if they have 40K in credit card debt from partying and wasting money. Avoid that or a person who wastes money in general.

Looking for someone who is 30 is good. Men will be more mature and want to settle down at that point but they're still young.

You will meet someone. If you really want to get married and make it a life priority, it will happen. But you should both love each other and like the sex you have. Thise are constants over the years. Everything else can change. Think about the vows and know that you will experience every high and low described.






I would at the kind of student loan debt matters to. A guy could have acquired debt getting a nursing degree like you. If it's a ton of debt in a silly degree you may want to reconsider.

And make sure to get to know his family!
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:How long have you been working at this? How many dates have you been on?


OP here. I’ve been dating heavily the past 3 months. I’ve been on about 30 dates with over 10 men.


How many have you slept with?


OP here. None. I don’t do casual sex. I’ve only slept with 4 men, all long-term boyfriends.


What happened with those guys?


OP here. My first boyfriend I was 16 and we were just kids. We wanted to different things as most high schoolers split up. Same with my second. Third guy was a cheater. Fourth guy was just a man child. I stayed in the relationship too long. He also cheated on me multiples times that I found out about once we broke up.
Anonymous
When I’ve dated to have fun and just use men for sex and my entertainment, they couldn’t get enough of me and were quick to get serious and tie me down. Would suggest approaching things easy and see how things go.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?


OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.



You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.


OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.


You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"




BMI for 5’2 female is 106-130. 105 is underweight for her height. OP is fine at 118.



105 is not underweight, it's thin. OP is absolutely fine at 118, but she's not "thin". That's my point. 106, 107 and 108 would all also still be thin. 118 is not thin. People should stop kidding themselves and just be honest.

She's a shorty and that is what it is but it also doesn't help her stand out and differentiate her.

Getting back to the task at hand - I would look into interest groups or clubs associated with gardening, running/fitness, travel or the like. Church or religion groups would be another possibility if that's part of your background/upbringing.





BMI says 106 - 130. 105 is technically underweight.

I don’t understand why you feel the need to bag on OP. It’s not like she’s 150 expecting a super fit man. She’s a normal size for her frame and she shouldn’t be shamed for it.


Nope, sorry - wrong. You've got a bad reference.

102 to 136 would be the range for 5'2'' (BMI 18.5-24.9)

See:

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

and

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educationa /lose_wt/BMI/bmi_tbl.htm
This is not a "bag" on OP but words have meanings. At one time "thin" actually meant something - now it seems that we're all out of calibration and easily kid ourselves about what is "thin".

Again 118 is fine, but it's not thin.


You are a freak with your insane weight obsession. Why does this listserve attract the crazies?


Listserve?
Anonymous
How do you know how much money these guys make if you only go out on one or slightly more dates with them? Or how much debt they have? Maybe they don't make much but have no debt and have family money. It takes time to get to know someone. If you like them, get to know them better. Are you religious at all? Maybe going to church or a religious singles community would be a good way to meet marriage -minded men. Also, have you told your friends you're looking? Referrals and introductions from friends are usually the best way to meet someone (that's how I met my husband, who meets all of your criteria!).
Anonymous
My vote is open the dating pool to younger men who are on a solid career trajectory but may not be where they want to be yet.

I don’t think your looks are an issue. I do think, at your age, you can take a more relaxed approach to dating. Keep it fun and casual, you can afford to take few dates to confirm you have similar values and goals and want to move forward.

Also, I do think having similar financial goals is important to a ltr. Money can be a huge source of stress if you are completely different pages.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.


Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.


She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.


OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.


Did you grow up in the DMV?

You have an 85th%ile household income just by yourself. If you marry someone witg the same income, you'd be north of 95%.

Basically what you are saying is that you want to spend your young family years married to a guy who is actually pulling in a rich guy's salary.

Unless you both save and you're willing to live a more middle class existence over time as you leave and re-enter the job market.

You seem to have plenty of time to keep dating and experimenting with parameters like age but if you are laying your cards about all your expectations on the table during first and second dates, that may be a problem. Guys don't want to feel like they are being pre-qualified. Even if they are looking for a wife.

I recommend you spend some time on DCUM reading threads about very rich unhappy people and their terrible marriages. Lots of cautionary tale material. Alpha males are cheating targets. High-paying jobs can be soul-crushing.


OP here. I’m from a smaller Midwest town. I grew up poor to lower middle class.


This is likely your problem. Did you attend a top university? I was going to say that you should meet family friends or friends of friends. If your friends are LMC, you won’t be finding what you are looking for.

I grew up poor and so did DH. We are both children of immigrants and met in grad school. We now have a seven figure income.

I’m not sure if an UMC would want you unless you are beautiful and have more than just a good job. You may just be an average cute white girl.


OP here. I will be honest that I don’t know what UMC or LMC is. I moved to VA in 2021. I have a DNP from a private school in the Midwest.


Wait ... you are a short nurse from the midwest? And you are looking for men at basically the 95th percentile?


OP here. I am. I’m a nurse anesthetist.


OMG this whole thread makes so much sense now. CRNAs are insanely type A, demanding, difficult, and neurotic. They also think they’re hot shit
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?


OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.



You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.


Agreed. OP, get thinner and hotter. You need to lose 15 lbs. to attract the type of high-earning finance or tech bro you are wanting. Visit the Naderi Center for a rhinoplasty and probably some kind of bleph.

NP. Omfg I just googled Naderi Center and his work is amazing. I’ve been looking for the right doctor to fix my deviated septum and I think he’s the one! Thanks for posting, even if you meant it snarkily.


OP here. I don’t have a big nose guy okay lol.



If you were as pretty as you think you are, you'd already be married to the type of man you want. But good luck with everything, little one.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:I’m a single 27 year old woman looking for some advice. I’m dating and looking for a husband. I feel like I’m well accomplished for my age and seek a man who can bring the same to the table. I have a career I love with a decently high salary with savings, I own my own home ( a small condo), and I have no debt. I’m ideally looking for men slightly older - 30-35, because most men my age still live with roommates, don’t make enough money, and don’t seem to be ready to settle down. Must not have kids and have never been married. These are the baseline attributes I’m seeking. I’m seeking a man who makes equivalent to my salary or higher, who lives alone, and who has no debt. I haven’t been able to find a guy like this and I wonder if my expectations are too unrealistic and if I should lower them?

Literally none of this matters the way you think it does. In fact, if you said you were 5’4”, 110 lbs with long hair and a killer smile, it would be more valuable to your ends. You can work in accounts payable and have three roommates, if you are cheerful, outgoing and hot, your quest for a high earning man will be easy.


This is so ridiculous and not true at all. The hottest woman I ever knew is still single at 40. The truth is the more average you are, the easier it is to meet someone compatible and fall in love because there are more people just like you. I’m not sure why you think being hot is a magic bullet. It’s not.


You missed the part where pp said cheerful and outgoing. Personality matters a lot, on top of being “hot”.


Hate to break it to you, but the aforementioned hot woman was and is still cheerful and outgoing and very attractive and very single. No, she isn’t crazy or whatever other label you’d like to give her. She had several long term relationships that didn’t work out for a variety of reasons.

Life isn’t as easy as you seem to think it is for beautiful women. I have noticed that it does, however, tend to work out more often for rich women, though not always.

I really do think being cute or just slightly above average is more ideal than being beautiful for romantic success.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:When I’ve dated to have fun and just use men for sex and my entertainment, they couldn’t get enough of me and were quick to get serious and tie me down. Would suggest approaching things easy and see how things go.


OP here. I’m not interested in sleeping with one or a bunch of random men. Pregnancy risk and stds are way too high. I value myself enough that I will not let a random men have access do my body. Not to much the irresponsibility of sleeping with practical strangers.

I’m also not into using anyone for
“ entertainment”. That sounds so callous and disrespectful.
Anonymous
OP, as a CRNA you can work anywhere and make good money anywhere. There is no point in living in the DMV unless you have family here, which it doesn't sound like you do. I would get out of this area to somewhere lower cost, less elitist and snobby, etc. The men may be better elsewhere too, or at least more marriage minded.
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