Wife Using Pregnancy As An Excuse

[Anonymous]

Next up:
She’s using being 2 weeks post-partum as an excuse not to have s*x
She’s using being sleep deprived before baby STTN as an excuse to go to bed early
She’s using the 1 year old as an excuse not to go see my in laws at the beach for a month
The baby is 18 months old but she’s still not back to her pre-pregnancy weight

[Anonymous]

Hey OP,
Do you trust your wife? If so, believe her when she says she's not up for things due to her pregnancy. Cut her some slack. Pitch in. Help her out. Show some compassion. If you don't, you probably shouldn't be with her. Do yourself and her a favor and find someone you can trust.

[Anonymous]

I feel for your wife. When I had an abortion it was primarily because I didn't want to be pregnant again. I didn't want a kid either, but I would have considered having another if I didn't have to go through pregnancy. But I couldn't stand the prospect of the constant exhaustion and the constant sickness. Nor could I stand the thought of failing in other areas of my life because of that. I had a few cringey moments of failure in my career because I was pregnant. No thanks, not doing that again.

[Anonymous]

You suck

[Anonymous]

You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next up:
She’s using being 2 weeks post-partum as an excuse not to have s*x
She’s using being sleep deprived before baby STTN as an excuse to go to bed early
She’s using the 1 year old as an excuse not to go see my in laws at the beach for a month
The baby is 18 months old but she’s still not back to her pre-pregnancy weight

OP here. What? I don’t say anything about any of these things. I’m not a monster and I’m fully educated on sex post birth.

[Anonymous]

You got got. It's gonna be a whole lot worse here on out. Best to get out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next up:
She’s using being 2 weeks post-partum as an excuse not to have s*x
She’s using being sleep deprived before baby STTN as an excuse to go to bed early
She’s using the 1 year old as an excuse not to go see my in laws at the beach for a month
The baby is 18 months old but she’s still not back to her pre-pregnancy weight

OP here. What? I don’t say anything about any of these things. I’m not a monster and I’m fully educated on sex post birth.

Op, I hope you saw my earlier post responding to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP,
Do you trust your wife? If so, believe her when she says she's not up for things due to her pregnancy. Cut her some slack. Pitch in. Help her out. Show some compassion. If you don't, you probably shouldn't be with her. Do yourself and her a favor and find someone you can trust.

OP here. Yes I trust her. I don’t let her do much. We have someone that comes weekly that cleans. I’ve always handled grocery shopping and cooking since we moved in together. The only thing she really does is make the beds and do laundry. I’ve covered doing laundry since it’s harder for her to bend down since she’s very short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will just suck it up. I was not saying or implying pregnancy isn't exhausting and comes with its own issues. I know she is growing a human inside of her and that she will be extra tired, frankly, and sometimes demanding.

Yes this child is very much wanted and so will any additional children we choose to have.

I take excellent care of my wife and make sure and does the same. We extensively researched the very best prenatal + supplements for her to take. She gets routine blood work and I make she she gets the very best nutrition to support her and our growing baby.

Cheating. I have never cheated on anyone, and will absolutely never cheat on my wife. Cheaters are scumbags, no excuses.

Job - My wife has a high stress job and I understand she needs to dial back. I just wish I was given a heads up or included in that decision. I feel like her communication skills have fallen to the waist side since becoming pregnant. She has a very emotionally taxing, and somewhat dangerous job. I'm all for her scaling back or taking time off, but I just need better communication.

Budget - I do think we can't spend endlessly. She designed a nursery that is $8k. She's impulsive an buys everything she sees that's on sale. She went to target and bought over $200 in baby clothes multiple times already. We live comfortably but I still think we need to dial it back and live more conservatively since kids aren't cheap.

What is her job? If dangerous, maybe it’s best she quits early.

What do you mean best supplements? I thought all were the same.

What kind of nursery items did she buy? 8k seems steep for baby furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Have you actually researched what furniture is needed for a nursery? We did mostly used furniture and our nursery was very minimal, including the cheapest Ikea crib that fell apart after a year. But I’m the exception - most families set up a nicer nursery and 8k doesn’t seem too crazy.

Crib 200-500
Crib mattress 100-300
Crib sheets and pads 200
Dresser 300-1000
Changing table 100-300
Diaper pail - 75-100
Rug - 500-700
Rocking chair - 300-800
Window treatments/blackout - 300
Decorations - 300

If you can afford to set up a nice nursery and you’re busting your wife’s chops over it, you are being a grinch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will just suck it up. I was not saying or implying pregnancy isn't exhausting and comes with its own issues. I know she is growing a human inside of her and that she will be extra tired, frankly, and sometimes demanding.

Yes this child is very much wanted and so will any additional children we choose to have.

I take excellent care of my wife and make sure and does the same. We extensively researched the very best prenatal + supplements for her to take. She gets routine blood work and I make she she gets the very best nutrition to support her and our growing baby.

Cheating. I have never cheated on anyone, and will absolutely never cheat on my wife. Cheaters are scumbags, no excuses.

Job - My wife has a high stress job and I understand she needs to dial back. I just wish I was given a heads up or included in that decision. I feel like her communication skills have fallen to the waist side since becoming pregnant. She has a very emotionally taxing, and somewhat dangerous job. I'm all for her scaling back or taking time off, but I just need better communication.

Budget - I do think we can't spend endlessly. She designed a nursery that is $8k. She's impulsive an buys everything she sees that's on sale. She went to target and bought over $200 in baby clothes multiple times already. We live comfortably but I still think we need to dial it back and live more conservatively since kids aren't cheap.

What is her job? If dangerous, maybe it’s best she quits early.

What do you mean best supplements? I thought all were the same.

What kind of nursery items did she buy? 8k seems steep for baby furniture.

Why can't you sit down with your wife and discuss these matters? What are you so afraid of? If she not working now? It's unclear from your post. I you feel like she is spending too much money, why not sit down and talk about a budget for baby items? It comes across as though you so afraid to talk with her, and you are resentful which is not going to make your situation better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next up:
She’s using being 2 weeks post-partum as an excuse not to have s*x
She’s using being sleep deprived before baby STTN as an excuse to go to bed early
She’s using the 1 year old as an excuse not to go see my in laws at the beach for a month
The baby is 18 months old but she’s still not back to her pre-pregnancy weight

OP here. What? I don’t say anything about any of these things. I’m not a monster and I’m fully educated on sex post birth.

Op, I hope you saw my earlier post responding to you

Fully educated…OP, have you had sex with a postpartum woman before?

Because I’ve been that postpartum woman before times two, and I can tell you that there is absolutely no way to ‘prepare’ for that and every single postpartum time and every single delivery is different.

You better get used to swallowing your ego and letting go of control of everything in your life. That’s what you signed up for when you knocked her up, bro.

[Anonymous]

Also, if your wife has issues with budgeting, that’s not the baby’s fault or the pregnancy. Have you ever sat down together to set a budget in a spreadsheet or app before together? If not, now’s a good time to start, because the things you listed that she spent money on are cheap compared to what’s to come.