Wife Using Pregnancy As An Excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're bored and want some women to text with and this is the best you could come up with. Go read a book.

OP here. I’m 100% faithful and don’t believe in cheating. I have no desire to talk to other women beyond cordial conversation.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be honest. You’re mad your wife can’t do much and you have to pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

With one of my pregnancies I could do a triathlon no problem.

With the other one if I turned too quickly or leaned over I violently puked to the point of dehydration twice. I couldn't lean over to load or empty the dishwasher, couldn't load or unload laundry (or lean over to pick clean laundry up to fold it or put it away after it was folded), I couldn't lean over to clip on the dog's leash or lean over to pick up her poop on walks or refresh her water bowl.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a jerk. You are going to end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

When I was pregnant I was exhausted like I'd never felt before. I couldn't keep my eyes open at work and took naps in my car every day. I couldn't get comfortable at night so I tossed and turned all night and barely slept. I was in pain 24 hours a day in the last 2 months. It was so hard. I cried a lot too. Thank God my husband never seemed to think I was milking it. I would have been so depressed if my husband wasn't supportive ON TOP OF my exhaustion and mood swings.

I powered through because we needed the money and I had to save up leave time so I could have a paid maternity leave. Otherwise I would love to have worked part time.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's pretty normal for pregnancy to experience extreme fatigue and/or nausea in the first trimester. For most women, it's the most intense from weeks 6-12, but for some women, it can last a lot longer than 12 weeks.

It sounds like you think that because it's early in pregnancy, she "should" have more energy. What I will tell you is that growing a baby is exhausting. Some of what you are describing as "excuses" are actually "reasons." Being tired is not an excuse, it is a reason she is able to do less. The reason for the tiredness is the pregnancy, not her being lazy.

If you are concerned about money, ask to sit down and talk about baby expenses and budgeting. If you are concerned about division of labor, ask to sit down and talk about division of labor and building your family.

Maybe there are areas where she is being capricious. Fine. That's probably true. I was extremely emotional and sent my husband to the store for a lot of craving cookies and cried about a lot of unreasonable stuff I do not care about at this point. That is part of the pregnancy experience as well. Most of what you are describing is NORMAL.

[Anonymous]

I have 5 kids now, but with my first, I dropped out of my masters program, and never went back.

This is the most normal thing ever.

My husband will tell you. No one ever won a fight with a pregnant wife in the history of mankind. You won't be the first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Examples?
I think it may be that you have seen this pattern before but pregnancy made it worse? Or you feel you are being manipulated overall? If the relationship was wonderful then I’m guessing this would not have come up

OP here. We have always had a really good relationship. We have issues like every other couple but nothing serious.

The things that have been bothering me is she uses pregnancy as an excuse. She has cut her hours at work - without talking about it first - and her excuse is she’s too tired to work. She has even brought up the idea that she quit work for now while pregnant because it’s too hard and difficult. She doesn’t sleep well and she will just call off work. The excuse again is she’s pregnant and too tired. If we make plans, and she decides she doesn’t want to do it, she will cancel because of pregnancy. When she doesn’t want to deal with something, she uses the excuse of her being pregnant.

She has been spending money like crazy. When I brought it up she got upset and said that it’s for the baby. I told her that we should set a budget since she will be off work for a while and doesn’t get full paid leave. She told me that I’m robbing her of the chance to enjoy this pregnancy.

She can’t handle anything negative because it makes her “ emotional”. I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells and I shouldn’t have to do that in my own home.

You just need to suck up the fact that she's not going to be herself for a while and be a problem solver. If you don't eff it up she'll be more like herself one day. Wife also decided to stop working here without my input and I wound up shouldering all of the finances + household tasks for a while. It may feel like she's being self centered but that doesn't mean you have to be, actually, force yourself out of that mindset as much as possible, it won't do you any good. Don't ignore her either. Maybe that seems like it 'works' for now but it's not exactly a relationship builder.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until there’s a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk. You are going to end up divorced.

I agree. In a year he'll be complaining that his wife's new excuse is she's tired from taking care of the baby. Selfish people shouldn't become parents, but they do and it leads to divorce.

[Anonymous]

lol troll post!

[Anonymous]

Remember that video where men had a menstrual cramp simulator placed on them, and they doubled over in pain and expressed amazement that women have to deal with that? https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-we...actions/70426177007/

I think if men could get pregnant (they can't) they would be similarly amazed at how terrible women feel during pregnancy and still keep going. I was pregnant with twins, had severe nausea, had back and hip pain from about 14 weeks on, and was so tired that I routinely had to nap at lunch, but I had to work full time in a demanding job. Unlike OP, my husband was understanding and appreciative and picked up the slack.

OP, seriously - get. a. grip. You are being a jackass and you don't even realize it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s likely you’re being a jerk but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. The hard thing about the first trimester is you can feel SO incredibly terrible and it’s not visible to others yet. I would take her at her word that she’s too tired to do ANYTHING. I’d also make sure she’s getting her thyroid and iron levels checked in case there’s something she can do to reduce her fatigue for now.

In the meantime, I’d seriously SERIOUSLY consider couples therapy NOW and before this baby comes. If you are struggling with her “excuses” now, you are in for a world of trouble. Get your marriage to a better place before this baby arrives. Please.

[Anonymous]

My husband could have written this when I was pregnant too with our first. I was in bed by 7pm every night bc I was so tired from growing a baby. I also thought about quitting my stressful job early. We canceled a planned vacation out west and the plane tickets were nonrefundable. We didn’t go to any social gatherings bc I was nauseated. Your wife is truly tired and may be tired for the next 2-3 years! Brace yourself for the long haul!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well think of it this way. When you get pregnant she will have to do everything for you. You'll see. Just wait it out.

OP here. I’m a man and can’t get pregnant.

The lack of humor is strong with this one.