Wife Using Pregnancy As An Excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next up:
She’s using being 2 weeks post-partum as an excuse not to have s*x
She’s using being sleep deprived before baby STTN as an excuse to go to bed early
She’s using the 1 year old as an excuse not to go see my in laws at the beach for a month
The baby is 18 months old but she’s still not back to her pre-pregnancy weight

Nailed it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will just suck it up. I was not saying or implying pregnancy isn't exhausting and comes with its own issues. I know she is growing a human inside of her and that she will be extra tired, frankly, and sometimes demanding.

Yes this child is very much wanted and so will any additional children we choose to have.

I take excellent care of my wife and make sure and does the same. We extensively researched the very best prenatal + supplements for her to take. She gets routine blood work and I make she she gets the very best nutrition to support her and our growing baby.

Cheating. I have never cheated on anyone, and will absolutely never cheat on my wife. Cheaters are scumbags, no excuses.

Job - My wife has a high stress job and I understand she needs to dial back. I just wish I was given a heads up or included in that decision. I feel like her communication skills have fallen to the waist side since becoming pregnant. She has a very emotionally taxing, and somewhat dangerous job. I'm all for her scaling back or taking time off, but I just need better communication.

Budget - I do think we can't spend endlessly. She designed a nursery that is $8k. She's impulsive an buys everything she sees that's on sale. She went to target and bought over $200 in baby clothes multiple times already. We live comfortably but I still think we need to dial it back and live more conservatively since kids aren't cheap.

What is her job? If dangerous, maybe it’s best she quits early.

What do you mean best supplements? I thought all were the same.

What kind of nursery items did she buy? 8k seems steep for baby furniture.

OP here.

She’s a forensic scientist. She works in a lab, at crime scenes, and also goes to court.

No. Prenatal are not created equal. I’ve done extensive research and you folic acid is not good. You want a prenatal with folate or L-5-methyl-tetrahydrofolate. Most people have a MTHFR gene variant and can’t properly or at all break down folic acid to folate.

We like two different ones - Seeking Health Optimal Prenatal and the Full Wellness Prenatal. She also takes Seeking Health Vitamin D + K2, A DHA/EPA, and Iron supplement. She also drinks a magnesium supplement each night.

I cook very healthy and nutritious food. Lots of high quality meat, dairy, and healthy fats.

She bought pottery barn kids stuff. Crib, Dresser, chair, night stand, rug, and bookcase.

[Anonymous]

OMG. She’s not lazy, loser.

At least she’ll be prepared to be a single mom when you bail, inevitably. It always starts that way, with the man baby whining.

[Anonymous]

1) early pregnancy is EXHAUSTING
2) the money thing? she should not be spending money now, all the stuff she wants for the baby is absolutely unnecessary.
3) eating ... she should get to eat whatever she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. She’s not lazy, loser.

At least she’ll be prepared to be a single mom when you bail, inevitably. It always starts that way, with the man baby whining.

And when the baby comes, he'll be jealous of the attention she gives to the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will just suck it up. I was not saying or implying pregnancy isn't exhausting and comes with its own issues. I know she is growing a human inside of her and that she will be extra tired, frankly, and sometimes demanding.

Yes this child is very much wanted and so will any additional children we choose to have.

I take excellent care of my wife and make sure and does the same. We extensively researched the very best prenatal + supplements for her to take. She gets routine blood work and I make she she gets the very best nutrition to support her and our growing baby.

Cheating. I have never cheated on anyone, and will absolutely never cheat on my wife. Cheaters are scumbags, no excuses.

Job - My wife has a high stress job and I understand she needs to dial back. I just wish I was given a heads up or included in that decision. I feel like her communication skills have fallen to the waist side since becoming pregnant. She has a very emotionally taxing, and somewhat dangerous job. I'm all for her scaling back or taking time off, but I just need better communication.

Budget - I do think we can't spend endlessly. She designed a nursery that is $8k. She's impulsive an buys everything she sees that's on sale. She went to target and bought over $200 in baby clothes multiple times already. We live comfortably but I still think we need to dial it back and live more conservatively since kids aren't cheap.

What is her job? If dangerous, maybe it’s best she quits early.

What do you mean best supplements? I thought all were the same.

What kind of nursery items did she buy? 8k seems steep for baby furniture.

OP here.

She’s a forensic scientist. She works in a lab, at crime scenes, and also goes to court.

No. Prenatal are not created equal. I’ve done extensive research and you folic acid is not good. You want a prenatal with folate or L-5-methyl-tetrahydrofolate. Most people have a MTHFR gene variant and can’t properly or at all break down folic acid to folate.

We like two different ones - Seeking Health Optimal Prenatal and the Full Wellness Prenatal. She also takes Seeking Health Vitamin D + K2, A DHA/EPA, and Iron supplement. She also drinks a magnesium supplement each night.

I cook very healthy and nutritious food. Lots of high quality meat, dairy, and healthy fats.

She bought pottery barn kids stuff. Crib, Dresser, chair, night stand, rug, and bookcase.

A Pottery Barn nursery is hardly extravagant if you can afford it, and given that she is a professional with her own income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Yeah, 50 newborn sleepers? Dumb. Esp. since your baby is going to be born in the late summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Yeah, 50 newborn sleepers? Dumb. Esp. since your baby is going to be born in the late summer.

Plot twist - she bought 5 sleepers, not 50.

OP is being a d*ck. Wife “look at these adorable Target onesies!” OP “What a waste of money. Also why are you so tired all the time?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Have you actually researched what furniture is needed for a nursery? We did mostly used furniture and our nursery was very minimal, including the cheapest Ikea crib that fell apart after a year. But I’m the exception - most families set up a nicer nursery and 8k doesn’t seem too crazy.

Crib 200-500
Crib mattress 100-300
Crib sheets and pads 200
Dresser 300-1000
Changing table 100-300
Diaper pail - 75-100
Rug - 500-700
Rocking chair - 300-800
Window treatments/blackout - 300
Decorations - 300

If you can afford to set up a nice nursery and you’re busting your wife’s chops over it, you are being a grinch.

OP here. I know things are expensive but we spent much more on all of that.

Crib - $1k
Crib mattress -$359
Crib sheets - $80
Crib mattress protector -$100
Dresser with changing table - $1700
Rug - $800
Chair + ottoman - $1550
Nightstand - $400
Bookcase - $400
Snoo + accessories - $2000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Yeah, 50 newborn sleepers? Dumb. Esp. since your baby is going to be born in the late summer.

OP here. Her due date is early September.

Her friend said to buy a lot of sleepers because they go through laundry so quickly. We have a lot of newborn and 0-3 month clothes. She bought lots of sleepers and white undershirts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Yeah, 50 newborn sleepers? Dumb. Esp. since your baby is going to be born in the late summer.

Plot twist - she bought 5 sleepers, not 50.

OP is being a d*ck. Wife “look at these adorable Target onesies!” OP “What a waste of money. Also why are you so tired all the time?”

OP here. No. I know because she showed me everything she bought. This is like the third trip she took to Target + online shopping. I do the laundry and we already sorted some things out. We did get clothes from a friend and my brothers kids that we had to sort out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Yeah, 50 newborn sleepers? Dumb. Esp. since your baby is going to be born in the late summer.

Plot twist - she bought 5 sleepers, not 50.

OP is being a d*ck. Wife “look at these adorable Target onesies!” OP “What a waste of money. Also why are you so tired all the time?”

OP here. No. I know because she showed me everything she bought. This is like the third trip she took to Target + online shopping. I do the laundry and we already sorted some things out. We did get clothes from a friend and my brothers kids that we had to sort out.

Your wife is nesting. It is a beautiful thing. Her hormones will smooth out as the pregnancy progresses. Save the receipts, because she may change her mind on what items she wants closer to the birth. Congratulations to you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Examples?
I think it may be that you have seen this pattern before but pregnancy made it worse? Or you feel you are being manipulated overall? If the relationship was wonderful then I’m guessing this would not have come up

OP here. We have always had a really good relationship. We have issues like every other couple but nothing serious.

The things that have been bothering me is she uses pregnancy as an excuse. She has cut her hours at work - without talking about it first - and her excuse is she’s too tired to work. She has even brought up the idea that she quit work for now while pregnant because it’s too hard and difficult. She doesn’t sleep well and she will just call off work. The excuse again is she’s pregnant and too tired. If we make plans, and she decides she doesn’t want to do it, she will cancel because of pregnancy. When she doesn’t want to deal with something, she uses the excuse of her being pregnant.

She has been spending money like crazy. When I brought it up she got upset and said that it’s for the baby. I told her that we should set a budget since she will be off work for a while and doesn’t get full paid leave. She told me that I’m robbing her of the chance to enjoy this pregnancy.

She can’t handle anything negative because it makes her “ emotional”. I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells and I shouldn’t have to do that in my own home.

HORMONAL changes! Google it. This can impact mood and energy significantly. Respect it.

[Anonymous]

OP are you jealous? You sound it along w being resentful and petty. Actually childish. I feel for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to discuss the spending. That's it. She should be responsible there and not be emotional about spending. But you will have a lot of things to buy for the baby. Look into buying some things secondhand.

You will spend a fortune on diapers and you're going to spend a lot on your children so you also just need to accept the new reality.

As for her feeling tired and not wanting to do things, I think you just need to accept this too. I was very sick during my first trimester, then felt great until the last month. I had back pain, trouble walking, and took my maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned. I didn't want any of this to happen to me! I was surprised by how much pregnancy affected me physically and how I could not control nause, fatigue, etc. It's real, it's not about excuses.

OP here. We will have a baby shower with over 100 people and will likely get a lot of things. Then we can see what we still need and buy it.

I don’t think we need 50 newborn sleepers and $8k worth of nursery furniture.

I don’t mind spending money. We have a good income. I just think we need to have more of a budget but then she accuses me of not being supportive and stealing the joy out of the pregnancy.

Have you actually researched what furniture is needed for a nursery? We did mostly used furniture and our nursery was very minimal, including the cheapest Ikea crib that fell apart after a year. But I’m the exception - most families set up a nicer nursery and 8k doesn’t seem too crazy.

Crib 200-500
Crib mattress 100-300
Crib sheets and pads 200
Dresser 300-1000
Changing table 100-300
Diaper pail - 75-100
Rug - 500-700
Rocking chair - 300-800
Window treatments/blackout - 300
Decorations - 300

If you can afford to set up a nice nursery and you’re busting your wife’s chops over it, you are being a grinch.

OP here. I know things are expensive but we spent much more on all of that.

Crib - $1k
Crib mattress -$359
Crib sheets - $80
Crib mattress protector -$100
Dresser with changing table - $1700
Rug - $800
Chair + ottoman - $1550
Nightstand - $400
Bookcase - $400
Snoo + accessories - $2000

What is your HHI? For some here, those are normal costs. For others, it’s extravagant. You seem anxious OP.

Maybe she’s buying stuff bc you’re constantly shutting her down. Are you bringing any enjoyment to this pregnancy experience at all?