Wife Using Pregnancy As An Excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.

OP here. She is 16 weeks.

Still time for an abortion. If you actually want this kid, I’d be a bit nicer to your wife. Hard to believe anyone would spread their legs and accept your seed.

[Anonymous]

You sound super resentful. This does not bode well for upcoming fatherhood. I suggest you learn to become more compassionate. Your needs are going to be on back burner for a bit. Man up and do better.

[Anonymous]

This entire post is insane. Op is mad that his first trimester wife is tired, nauseous and not up to doing things? Op you can go eff yourself seriously. How hard is it to use google/ find a book to understand the basics of what pregnancy does to a woman’s body. And you better buckle up- I had a fine first trimester and worked no issues. At 20 weeks I was diagnosed with a super high risk issue and from then on I can’t even lift my daughter, do laundry, have sex and now I’m pulled off work. My husband has to do the brunt of the work now. Did not have any issues at all with our first so you need to really consider whether/ if you even want to pursue fatherhood. Jerk.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn’t have these issues while pregnant, (but had other issues and ended up on bedrest for 4 months, so it can get worse).

The hormonal changes are real though and I would worry that depression may be an issue.

The good news is that most of the hormonal fatigue is over for many women after the first trimester. The lack of sleep fatigue picks up in the last month or two, but nesting sets in and she will want to be busy. Emotional swings Feb and flow.

Pregnancy is relatively short period of time. I in a few months you may be equally exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well think of it this way. When you get pregnant she will have to do everything for you. You'll see. Just wait it out.

lol this!!!!

Why is she asking to get out of doing stuff you should’ve already anticipated for her? Sounds like you’re doing bare minimum and whining about it while she is mothering and bringing forth life. How do you compare to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.

OP here. She is 16 weeks.

Then buckle up, it only gets worse. Pregnancy is a nightmare. If you want a kid, this is what it takes.

And I hope you come to appreciate why the forced birthers are absolutely evil for inflicting this on raped little girls.

[Anonymous]

OP, listen to the women on this thread.

I had a great pregnancy, but I was still bone tired, and still can’t look at a salad straight in the eye 8 years later. “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”.

So I just want to say - read these stories. They are All different, and all women experience this differently. I walked at least 10k every day until the day I had my c-section. I also couldn’t eat pretty much anything but frozen fruit for the last 4months. One of my coworkers left work at 3 months due to HG. You don’t get to choose.

That said, as for the money stuff, you should talk to your wife. She may have cultural or family expectations/ understanding for what it means to be a family while pregnant and to have a new baby, and you need to sort these out ASAP.

[Anonymous]

We're all jumping on OP, but I have seen some truly lazy pregnant women. No clue if OP's wife is like that.

Cheer up OP. I was dead to the world in my first trimester but afterwards I was a ball of energy. Even before I knew I was pregnant at 4 or 6 weeks pregnant I was so tired I couldn't function. I'd fall asleep at work, came home after work and went to bed from like 7pm to 7am. Happened all 3 times. That 1st tri tiredness is no joke!

[Anonymous]

For me, the fatigue was unreal. I remember napping in the car. I completely believe she is not milking the fatigue thing, and you’re kind of a jerk for thinking she is. I’m sure she would love to have the energy to keep the plans that she needs to cancel because she’s too tired.

Agree with the post right above this regarding money. You guys need to agree on a budget. If she is hard-core nesting, maybe you could help by putting together a wish list (both of you, because presumably you have ideas, desires, and thoughts about what the baby needs to, right?). Then you can scour Facebook marketplace etc. Practically new baby stuff is available very cheaply. It gets it used for a short period of time and then people want it gone. Just an idea of something that might help.

[Anonymous]

If this is not a troll post then OP, you are a piece of sh*t.

The first trimester is hell on earth. You have no idea how awful it is. It gives fatigue a new meaning you cannot comprehend.

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with our 2nd, and you are giving me fresh appreciation for my husband, who did everything for me during my 1st trimester so I could avoid getting fired and still spend time with our 3 year old.

You’re getting mad at her because she wants to cancel some plans and rest? You’re despicable, and very likely to end up divorced if you don’t start recognizing that the process of carrying and caring for a baby is indeed very taxing. Women are vulnerable during this period and need support. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Examples?
I think it may be that you have seen this pattern before but pregnancy made it worse? Or you feel you are being manipulated overall? If the relationship was wonderful then I’m guessing this would not have come up

OP here. We have always had a really good relationship. We have issues like every other couple but nothing serious.

The things that have been bothering me is she uses pregnancy as an excuse. She has cut her hours at work - without talking about it first - and her excuse is she’s too tired to work. She has even brought up the idea that she quit work for now while pregnant because it’s too hard and difficult. She doesn’t sleep well and she will just call off work. The excuse again is she’s pregnant and too tired. If we make plans, and she decides she doesn’t want to do it, she will cancel because of pregnancy. When she doesn’t want to deal with something, she uses the excuse of her being pregnant.

She has been spending money like crazy. When I brought it up she got upset and said that it’s for the baby. I told her that we should set a budget since she will be off work for a while and doesn’t get full paid leave. She told me that I’m robbing her of the chance to enjoy this pregnancy.

She can’t handle anything negative because it makes her “ emotional”. I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells and I shouldn’t have to do that in my own home.

You should post on men/father oriented forum for better support on this question.

Did you buy your wife an engagement ring? Pregnancy is sort of like that, but less discretionary. It's something you have to deal with and support now; the payoff comes later when you have a happy and healthy mother of your child.

Find a place in your home or out where you can relax, and understand the helping your pregnant wife is part of your job now. Pay for help if your need it; this is what you've been saving (or borrowing) for.

Return the useless purchases. Pregnancy is a life stage, not a luxury vacation.

[Anonymous]

Hello OP. Your wife is making a human being who will just show up in your life one day and become one of the single most important people you've ever met. and your wife is making that person with her own damn body. You don't get it now because you are myopic and don't understand what a big deal it's going to be when that person shows up. But for your wife, that person is already here, leeching all the nutrients out of her body and making it impossible for her to sleep.

Next time you see your wife, I want you to say out loud, "Hey, THANK YOU for sacrificing your body and your time and your energy to create our child. That's unbelievable. Like if you think about it for even 20 seconds, it's just an amazing thing to do. Thank you. Is there anything I can do to make that easier for you? I'm aware that I'm getting off pretty easy at this point and you are doing all of the work to bring this person into our lives, so if there's anything I can do to support you in that, please tell me."

By the way, my DH was like you when I was pregnant and now 10 years later he would be the first to tell you that he was a total AHOLE and his attitude was driven by stupidity and ignorance. Hopefully you will realize this too, but it would be great if you did so sooner rather than later.

Much love to your wife, who has to put up with her childish, selfish, idiot husband at the same time that she's growing a whole other person with her body. If I could chip in to get her a massage or a body pillow or her favorite takeout or whatever, I would. Everyday heroes.

[Anonymous]

I think you are probably trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm going to get flamed for this but I need to vent. My wife is pregnant with our first child and I feel like she uses it as an excuse to not do things and get things she wants. I understand that pregnancy is hard on the body and I'm trying to be as sympathetic and understanding as possible. That's it.

You cannot possibly get it. Or get how hard pregnancy is for some women.

So you need to try harder and stfu. She's growing a human inside her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.

OP here. She is 16 weeks.

16 weeks. She is being a total drama queen. You know and she knows every other woman not on bed rest is perfectly capable of doing all the "things" while pregnant. If she cancels on plans, then you go. Live your life - dont get sucked into this manipulation.