Letting the Ivy plan go

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

So, in fairness...certain Ivy schools throw pretty crazy 5-year reunions that are well attended by alums. It is like a Carnival for the kids, who as they get older (like 8-13), are able to run around to all the different 5-year reunion tents...where one tent has a moonbounce, one tent maybe has carnival games...free food and soda...tons of other kids playing pickup games, etc.

For many years of course, our kids would say, I want to go to alma mater...not because of anything academic or crazy, but because to them they associated it with non-stop fun and games (literally).

We never pushed anything on them and as they grew up, they of course matured. First decided it wasn't for them and second likely has no interest either.

And that’s the point they are suppose to grow and mature about the idea. Parents are supposed to have realistic conversations about the school. Ask why they want to attend this school? What they know about it beyond the reunion carnival games? Why they think it would be a good fit for them and what they think it will take to qualify?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

This isn’t about your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a similar situation (not Ivy related) with my daughter. Both DH and I are immigrants and have overcome a lot of adversity to be where we are now. It is frustrating when you see that your kid does not want to put in the hard work to succeed.

I guess OP's frustration is not only stemming from the fact that her daughter has no interest in applying to her ivy but she's more frustrated that her daughter is not achieving her full potential and is backing off because she may not want to work hard and put in the effort.

OP, if you truly feel your daughter has the potential to do well in the advanced classes but is just plain lazy, then push her and encourage her in whatever way you can. She'll thank you later.

If she truly does not have the potential, then let go and set lower goals for her that are more reasonable to achieve.

Thank you for this. I think you understand where I’m coming from. It’s not just about a brand. It’s about the hard work to make a life. And the sacrifices for our kids. And wanting the best for her. She has the potential but not the interest it seems.

She's had 15 years to study an Ivy League grad up close, and this is her informed decision. You didn't have the benefit of experience that she has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I said it’s pretty easy to be ahead by years when kids are tracked early. She is ahead of the general pack and I still know of a few wicked smart kids that are farther ahead than she is. Of her friend pool though, she is the only one by far. And I think that is a big part of the problem. She is definitely a “go with the flow” kind of kid. If she were in a different school environment where even the cool kids are focused on top schools, she would absolutely be hustling on the selective path. This I know 1000000%.

But she wouldn’t be doing it because that’s what she wants it would still be based on other people. Which tells you what you need to focus on is both of you determining what is right for her.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

This isn’t about your child.

It's about the posters who insist the OP is pressuring hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

This isn’t about your child.

It's about the posters who insist the OP is pressuring hers.

Because she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She needs to stick it out to get into her state flagship or decent college.

I know kids with 4.2 weighted GPAs, multiple AP courses, etc, get rejected from UMD.

This isn’t about the Ivy League, OP. It’s about something much more important: YOUR MONEY. Specifically, not wasting it on a 60K/yr no-name out-of-state college just because your kid can’t get into State U.

Money is no object. OP went to an Ivy League school and is now on top of the world. If OP isn't filthy rich and of course her daughter is not follow her poor choices to chase prestige for the sole purposes of having long past glory days to cling to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

This isn’t about your child.

It's about the posters who insist the OP is pressuring hers.

Because she is.

And again, you have no idea.

[Anonymous]

People like OP are why high school students in Stanford area have such a high suicide rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

This isn’t about your child.

It's about the posters who insist the OP is pressuring hers.

Because she is.

And again, you have no idea.

And you are incredibly naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to an Ivy League school on full scholarship. My husband also went to a highly selective university on full scholarship. We have worked very hard over difficult odds in our lives. Since DD was little, she wanted to go to my alma mater. First year in HS, it’s looking like it’s not in the cards. She is absolutely miserable in her advanced classes & doesn’t want to take on the rigor she needs to take next year. She is doing well academically but at what cost? She is so stressed and unhappy and wants to take “regular” classes next year. It is a constant fight between us daily about her workload now and about her future. I’m torn between pushing with tough love because she is young and maybe she will thank me later vs considering that maybe it is just too much for her, to let her make her own choices, and to prioritize her wellbeing. Frustrating because I know the latter will close some doors for her and she is better than this. What do you think DCUM and has anyone btdt?

Sounds like she isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

It's wild to me that you think out of the ether came an 11 year old's desire to go to a specific school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like OP are why high school students in Stanford area have such a high suicide rate.

exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I also went to an Ivy. Our dcs are excellent students, well-rounded people...And they would never get in now. The college landscape has changed so much and is so competitive. I have zero doubts they'd excel at an Ivy, but it won't happen. They will probably go to our state flagship.

Yup. OP-you and your DH would prob not get in nowadays. Deal with it.