15 y/o DS - high level athlete and found out he's been smoking weed every weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My brother started smoking pot at age 15. He went to counseling with my parents. The therapist told my parents it was a normal part of growing up, kind of like underage drinking.

My brother died of alcoholism at age 50.

Jesus christ. How horrible. That therapist absolutely failed in their role and responsibility as a counselor and advisor to your parents. This is tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

This is what my parenting friend group is experiencing. None of us know what this crap is, but the kids do. And I think of it like an iceberg, what we're finding is just what's on the surface, tons of kids are doing it recreationally and not being detected.

The concept of developmentally normal is being massacred in this thread. Testing boundaries is on the range of normal developmental activity, it is not abnormal for kids to experiment with things they aren't supposed to. The trajectory of these experiments can go poorly with or without intervention, and intervention can look like different things with different kids/families. The outcome is never guaranteed both for parents who throw all their time/resources behind curbing the experimentation AND for families who don't discover or choose to overlook the behavior.

stop with the "testing boundaries" nonsense. they are not testing boundaries - they already know there are no boundaries, their parents made that clear. "developmentally normal" is meaningless concept invented to make parents feel good. it's "developmentally normal" to hunt and gather and have babies at 13.

they are getting high because they like it and their friends are doing it.

There are whole fields of study around development and developmental psychology. Just because you are unfamiliar with them doesn't make them any less real or valid. Hunter-gatherer is not considered part of modern society so would not be relevant to these developmental constructs.

it just so happens, conveniently, that i am a phd psychologist. no, really. and this really does help me parent my children. knowing how much of the crap that other parents believe is total nonsense is empowering and liberating.

And I'm an astronaut. I have seen you make this claim in your telltale no caps, poorly articulated posts in other threads and it's absolutely unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sort of blown away by the smug and holier than though attitudes here. If you can't help, then why bother commenting?

actually, we are trying to help. the first step is for OP to realize that this is serious, that it is not "normal", and that most other kids are not doing it. she needs to understand where she made mistakes.

unfortunately, there is a number of enablers here who, while superficially supportive, are in fact undermining OP's resolve to deal with this very serious problem.

You lack reading comprehension skills. This thread is not full of posters saying all kids are experimenting with pot, and that it's acceptable. However you are repeatedly equating the use of "normal" in regards to development with universal and accepted, and they are not. Even problematic behaviors fall in appropriate developmental age ranges. For example, temper tantrums. Problematic, but not unexpected for a toddler. And PhD Psychologist, you need to ask for your money back.

[Anonymous]

OP, I really don't mean to pile on, but...

1. It was a huge mistake for you to normalize drug use to him. I don't understand why parents do this. You should have higher expectations and make clear those expectations.

2. His drug use has nothing to do with his attending an "intense" private school. My kids also attend rigorous private schools and don't use drugs. Of course there is drug use at every school; it has to do with the kids and not the schools.

3. I don't understand why you mentioned in the title that he is a "high level athlete" except to brag. I assume you also know that most "high level athletes" in high school are nowhere near good enough for college recruitment, so let's not get carried away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he hangs out with a bad crowd and is not well equipped to resist peer pressure.

This part is true. But as a HS teacher, weed use among teens is pretty out of control lately. They view it as no big deal at all. Most aren't actually smoking weed, either. They have THC vapes or use edibles so there's no smell.

It's always shocking to hear which students talk about getting high and laugh about how high they were around their parents without getting caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he hangs out with a bad crowd and is not well equipped to resist peer pressure.

This part is true. But as a HS teacher, weed use among teens is pretty out of control lately. They view it as no big deal at all. Most aren't actually smoking weed, either. They have THC vapes or use edibles so there's no smell.

It's always shocking to hear which students talk about getting high and laugh about how high they were around their parents without getting caught.

. This is why I scoff at parents who think their kids would never/don’t. It is truly an epidemic right now because of the plethora of delivery methods. It is normalized even if not “normal”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

Her son has used pot for 6 weekends in a row. He is not getting marijuana induced psychosis.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320844

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

They aren’t the “good” kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

Her son has used pot for 6 weekends in a row. He is not getting marijuana induced psychosis.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320844

Ha. That she knows of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

Her son has used pot for 6 weekends in a row. He is not getting marijuana induced psychosis.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320844

You are the absolute worst, minimizing kind of troll.

Imagine if you had this philosophy and approach about driving while drunk. Would you say, "Oh, you've done it 6 times, so it's not that big of a risk."

Your whole argument is that because not EVERY time suffers severe consequences EVERY time they consume marijuana, then anyone who raises alarm and concern about adolescent marijuana use is catastrophizing. Obviously you're part of the marijuana lobby and benefit from minimizing the harm that comes from adolescent marijuana use. Maybe you own or have invested in dispensaries. But your agenda is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sort of blown away by the smug and holier than though attitudes here. If you can't help, then why bother commenting?

actually, we are trying to help. the first step is for OP to realize that this is serious, that it is not "normal", and that most other kids are not doing it. she needs to understand where she made mistakes.

unfortunately, there is a number of enablers here who, while superficially supportive, are in fact undermining OP's resolve to deal with this very serious problem.

You’re truly naive - my guess is you’ve never had a child with any problems. The OP wouldn’t be on here asking for help if they didn’t think it was serious. Hope your child never goes through something hard. My guess is you’ll ship them off to military school.

[Anonymous]

Lol…”intense private”… 0P, I attended an elite boarding school in New England where drug use, alcohol, partying & sex were an utter free for all. Parents deluded bc it was a beautiful campus and we all looked nice with the dress code. My kid, 16, is in public now, and not one lke the “W’s” or Wilson (renamed something idk), has none of these experiences. The schools like the one youre selecting actually have more drug use and everything else than regular a$$ publics

[Anonymous]

go watch gossip girl

[Anonymous]

I would move. Enroll in a catholic school somewhere or something along those lines. Essential to find a new peer group.