15 y/o DS - high level athlete and found out he's been smoking weed every weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

Her son has used pot for 6 weekends in a row. He is not getting marijuana induced psychosis.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320844

Ha. That she knows of.

My college age son had to be hospitalized in a psych ward due to marijuana induced psychosis. It’s not even the tiniest bit funny. People are playing with fire. This notion that weed has no consequences is utter BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol…”intense private”… 0P, I attended an elite boarding school in New England where drug use, alcohol, partying & sex were an utter free for all. Parents deluded bc it was a beautiful campus and we all looked nice with the dress code. My kid, 16, is in public now, and not one lke the “W’s” or Wilson (renamed something idk), has none of these experiences. The schools like the one youre selecting actually have more drug use and everything else than regular a$$ publics

The irony of

you as a teen saying the parents were clueless of what goes on

and then

You as a parent saying not my kid. Not his school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would move. Enroll in a catholic school somewhere or something along those lines. Essential to find a new peer group.

Plenty of Catholic school students smoke/vape/ingest weed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reevaluate if you really have an open relationship or if he just tells you what you want to hear.

Given his poor judgement, I'd limit him to supervised social situations for a long time. An attentive parent or teacher needs to be there (not hovering, but checking in periodically) so no smoking can occur.

There are plenty of kids who don't smoke pot. He just doesn't know them because he's spending his time with potheads. He needs to make new friends.

Meh. I imagine more smoke or vape than you realize. Supervising his social situations will just lead to him being rebellious and finding other outs. Teen years are difficult, but hawking him to death won't stop a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A lot of those private school athletes are doing lines on the weekends because they have the money.

Please provide ANY evidence that supports this. This is so ridiculous. Anecdotally, I have heard of many more kids in public school using hard drugs than in my kid's private school. BTW, I have kids that went to public school as well, so I know of what I speak.

Kids are kids no matter where they attend school. It seems to me that a lot of you parents are not tapped into what's really going on with these kids. My son is 18, when he was middle school (Loudoun County) he told me kids were hiding their weed vapes in the bathroom. I've grown up in this area and friends/family in DC, MD and as far out as Winchester. Maybe your kids don't talk to you about what their peers are really doing, but this stuff happens...often. I've heard stories of kids getting high before games, young teens giving oral sex and posting it Snapchat, kids drinking.

Y'all need to wake up!!

From NIH:

"Experimentation with alcohol and drugs during adolescence is a statistically normative phenomenon. Most adolescents tend to initiate the use of alcohol between the ages of 13 and 15 (O'Malley, Johnston, & Bachman, 1998), and a recent Monitoring the Future study found that 54% of graduating seniors reported having tried an illicit drug (University of Michigan, 1998). As a normative phenomenon, alcohol and drug use in late adolescence is not strongly associated with problematic outcomes."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2758661/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your first mistake was telling him early on that you “know” he’ll likely try it, but to wait as long as possible.

I guess he did exactly as you asked.

I would never in a million years say that to a kid.

+1
you literally normalized drug-use for him. "it's inevitable!"

She normalized him experimenting with drug, which is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would find the right time and get vulnerable with him about your own life. Even better if DH does it too. Recount a story of when you felt in too deep—in a relationship, after a one-night stand, an addiction, a toxic friendship, whatever. Explain how you made sure that the "low" period was temporary. The point is that everyone tries stuff and many of us have felt trapped by our social or personal circumstances—it's how you extract yourself that matters.

Describe HOW you moved on, how you dealt with the collateral social damage, etc. In other words, give him more tools and context for shifting gears. That could be telling friends he's being drug-tested, dealing with losing old friends. Also think about what may motivate him—the coolest girls don't want to date stoners, athletes can't do drugs long-term. Tell him it's normal that he dipped his toe in this but now it's time to shift gears and you'll help in any way you can.

Best advice given here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he hangs out with a bad crowd and is not well equipped to resist peer pressure.

This part is true. But as a HS teacher, weed use among teens is pretty out of control lately. They view it as no big deal at all. Most aren't actually smoking weed, either. They have THC vapes or use edibles so there's no smell.

It's always shocking to hear which students talk about getting high and laugh about how high they were around their parents without getting caught.

Thank you!! Why do these parents here refuse to believe this is happening?! It's wild to me.

You are NOT with your child 24/7. Truth of the matter is you don't know what the heck they're doing all the time. It's impossible, and it becomes even more difficult the older they get.

The ones who keep saying that it's not their kid's friend group or their kid would never probably have the biggest pothead kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move. Enroll in a catholic school somewhere or something along those lines. Essential to find a new peer group.

Plenty of Catholic school students smoke/vape/ingest weed.

They do but it is harder to hide at a Catholic school or strict private school where it is much easier for administration to search lockers, backpacks, and insist that phones are put away in class. It is also easy for private schools to police bathrooms or other places where kids on campus vape. Additionally, kids in public school don't really get expelled for drugs or even in many cases suspended any more while in private schools they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move. Enroll in a catholic school somewhere or something along those lines. Essential to find a new peer group.

Plenty of Catholic school students smoke/vape/ingest weed.

They do but it is harder to hide at a Catholic school or strict private school where it is much easier for administration to search lockers, backpacks, and insist that phones are put away in class. It is also easy for private schools to police bathrooms or other places where kids on campus vape. Additionally, kids in public school don't really get expelled for drugs or even in many cases suspended any more while in private schools they do.

This kid is already in private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

Her son has used pot for 6 weekends in a row. He is not getting marijuana induced psychosis.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320844

Ha. That she knows of.

My college age son had to be hospitalized in a psych ward due to marijuana induced psychosis. It’s not even the tiniest bit funny. People are playing with fire. This notion that weed has no consequences is utter BS.

Which explains why you’re catastrophizing but you are still catastrophizing.

You should get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

You are not up to date with the science. Teens and adolescents developing psychosis due to heavy marijuana use is not an "extreme outlier." It is a real and valid concern.

The WSJ dug into this issue and we had a robust thread on this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1179113.page

Your threshold that unless EVERY teen who smokes and uses marijuana develops schizophrenia then there's no cause for concern is insane. If even only 10% of teens who use marijuana regularly develop schizophrenia or some other form of psychosis then that is a strong reason to NOT let your kids smoke or consume marijuana.

Your whole logic is warped and twisted and I'm sure no pediatrician told you it is developmentally normal for teens to use marijuana. What is developmentally normal is for teens to the boundaries of the adults in their lives by attempting to engage in high-risk behavior like drugs or sex. And they're testing those boundaries to see what is or isn't acceptable by society and their local adult community. Permissive parents who look the other way or are oblivious allow those boundary tests to go further and further, and in some cases, end up with dire, irreversible consequences.

Her son has used pot for 6 weekends in a row. He is not getting marijuana induced psychosis.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320844

You are the absolute worst, minimizing kind of troll.

Imagine if you had this philosophy and approach about driving while drunk. Would you say, "Oh, you've done it 6 times, so it's not that big of a risk."

Your whole argument is that because not EVERY time suffers severe consequences EVERY time they consume marijuana, then anyone who raises alarm and concern about adolescent marijuana use is catastrophizing. Obviously you're part of the marijuana lobby and benefit from minimizing the harm that comes from adolescent marijuana use. Maybe you own or have invested in dispensaries. But your agenda is obvious.

you are dense so I’m not even sure why I’m trying but I said it’s developmentally normal but I took my son to therapy to see if there was some other underlying issues… and there were!

WTF do you want her to do besides be understanding and seek therapy to see if he needs help in other areas.

I’m sorry your son ended up being addicted to pot, but it’s because he needed therapy not because pot is being legalized… he needed a therapist and a less crazy mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would find the right time and get vulnerable with him about your own life. Even better if DH does it too. Recount a story of when you felt in too deep—in a relationship, after a one-night stand, an addiction, a toxic friendship, whatever. Explain how you made sure that the "low" period was temporary. The point is that everyone tries stuff and many of us have felt trapped by our social or personal circumstances—it's how you extract yourself that matters.

Describe HOW you moved on, how you dealt with the collateral social damage, etc. In other words, give him more tools and context for shifting gears. That could be telling friends he's being drug-tested, dealing with losing old friends. Also think about what may motivate him—the coolest girls don't want to date stoners, athletes can't do drugs long-term. Tell him it's normal that he dipped his toe in this but now it's time to shift gears and you'll help in any way you can.

Best advice given here.

Have you read the book "Beautiful Boy"? Be very careful talking about your own drug use with your teens. Talk about bad relationships, yes. But drug use, no.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this is happening. And, it is very concerning when there has been a history of it in your family. What if your son has the high potential of easily becoming addicted to things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is switching schools an option? Drugs are everywhere, but this will help him get with a new crowd. If not, he’ll have to learn how to drop this crowd and find new friends. Or at least stand up to these friends and tell them he’s on a different path.

I’d tell him you will switch schools if he doesn’t clean up his act.