15 y/o DS - high level athlete and found out he's been smoking weed every weekend

[Anonymous]

^^
oh, and their parents allow it. that's all there is to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

This is what my parenting friend group is experiencing. None of us know what this crap is, but the kids do. And I think of it like an iceberg, what we're finding is just what's on the surface, tons of kids are doing it recreationally and not being detected.

The concept of developmentally normal is being massacred in this thread. Testing boundaries is on the range of normal developmental activity, it is not abnormal for kids to experiment with things they aren't supposed to. The trajectory of these experiments can go poorly with or without intervention, and intervention can look like different things with different kids/families. The outcome is never guaranteed both for parents who throw all their time/resources behind curbing the experimentation AND for families who don't discover or choose to overlook the behavior.

stop with the "testing boundaries" nonsense. they are not testing boundaries - they already know there are no boundaries, their parents made that clear. "developmentally normal" is meaningless concept invented to make parents feel good. it's "developmentally normal" to hunt and gather and have babies at 13.

they are getting high because they like it and their friends are doing it.

There are whole fields of study around development and developmental psychology. Just because you are unfamiliar with them doesn't make them any less real or valid. Hunter-gatherer is not considered part of modern society so would not be relevant to these developmental constructs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

This is what my parenting friend group is experiencing. None of us know what this crap is, but the kids do. And I think of it like an iceberg, what we're finding is just what's on the surface, tons of kids are doing it recreationally and not being detected.

The concept of developmentally normal is being massacred in this thread. Testing boundaries is on the range of normal developmental activity, it is not abnormal for kids to experiment with things they aren't supposed to. The trajectory of these experiments can go poorly with or without intervention, and intervention can look like different things with different kids/families. The outcome is never guaranteed both for parents who throw all their time/resources behind curbing the experimentation AND for families who don't discover or choose to overlook the behavior.

stop with the "testing boundaries" nonsense. they are not testing boundaries - they already know there are no boundaries, their parents made that clear. "developmentally normal" is meaningless concept invented to make parents feel good. it's "developmentally normal" to hunt and gather and have babies at 13.

they are getting high because they like it and their friends are doing it.

+100

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. Your son is very young to be using marijuana- it greatly affects brain development before the age of 25. Do whatever you have to do to get this to stop.

[Anonymous]

My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

I agree that many parents are kinda clueless or look away if it's only happening here or there, but as soon as a parent starts noticing a difference: sleep, grades, sports performance, attitude, etc... then it becomes a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

oh the old “you have no idea what your “good kid” is doing” canard.

guess what - some of us were the good kids. no, not everyone was doing it back in the day, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

This is what my parenting friend group is experiencing. None of us know what this crap is, but the kids do. And I think of it like an iceberg, what we're finding is just what's on the surface, tons of kids are doing it recreationally and not being detected.

The concept of developmentally normal is being massacred in this thread. Testing boundaries is on the range of normal developmental activity, it is not abnormal for kids to experiment with things they aren't supposed to. The trajectory of these experiments can go poorly with or without intervention, and intervention can look like different things with different kids/families. The outcome is never guaranteed both for parents who throw all their time/resources behind curbing the experimentation AND for families who don't discover or choose to overlook the behavior.

stop with the "testing boundaries" nonsense. they are not testing boundaries - they already know there are no boundaries, their parents made that clear. "developmentally normal" is meaningless concept invented to make parents feel good. it's "developmentally normal" to hunt and gather and have babies at 13.

they are getting high because they like it and their friends are doing it.

There are whole fields of study around development and developmental psychology. Just because you are unfamiliar with them doesn't make them any less real or valid. Hunter-gatherer is not considered part of modern society so would not be relevant to these developmental constructs.

it just so happens, conveniently, that i am a phd psychologist. no, really. and this really does help me parent my children. knowing how much of the crap that other parents believe is total nonsense is empowering and liberating.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would find the right time and get vulnerable with him about your own life. Even better if DH does it too. Recount a story of when you felt in too deep—in a relationship, after a one-night stand, an addiction, a toxic friendship, whatever. Explain how you made sure that the "low" period was temporary. The point is that everyone tries stuff and many of us have felt trapped by our social or personal circumstances—it's how you extract yourself that matters.

Describe HOW you moved on, how you dealt with the collateral social damage, etc. In other words, give him more tools and context for shifting gears. That could be telling friends he's being drug-tested, dealing with losing old friends. Also think about what may motivate him—the coolest girls don't want to date stoners, athletes can't do drugs long-term. Tell him it's normal that he dipped his toe in this but now it's time to shift gears and you'll help in any way you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

Those are not the “good kids.” They may or may not be good, you’re just blurting out random crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

oh the old “you have no idea what your “good kid” is doing” canard.

guess what - some of us were the good kids. no, not everyone was doing it back in the day, either.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Sort of blown away by the smug and holier than though attitudes here. If you can't help, then why bother commenting?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. With a family history of addiction you absolutely have to be on it and yes pot can be a gateway drug. Pot can also be used to self treat anxiety, depression, or ADHD.

Leaving the what’s app open was probably reaching out. Focus on your son and your family. Don’t worry about the parents if the other kids. Help you son find ways to say no, be busy, make other friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sort of blown away by the smug and holier than though attitudes here. If you can't help, then why bother commenting?

actually, we are trying to help. the first step is for OP to realize that this is serious, that it is not "normal", and that most other kids are not doing it. she needs to understand where she made mistakes.

unfortunately, there is a number of enablers here who, while superficially supportive, are in fact undermining OP's resolve to deal with this very serious problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sort of blown away by the smug and holier than though attitudes here. If you can't help, then why bother commenting?

actually, we are trying to help. the first step is for OP to realize that this is serious, that it is not "normal", and that most other kids are not doing it. she needs to understand where she made mistakes.

unfortunately, there is a number of enablers here who, while superficially supportive, are in fact undermining OP's resolve to deal with this very serious problem.

+10000000000000000000000000