15 y/o DS - high level athlete and found out he's been smoking weed every weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

[Anonymous]

The answer of course is public school.

[Anonymous]

A couple of the top basketball players on my son's high level team started smoking weed regularly. You could see their skills dropping, their speed slowing, and Saturday morning games were the worst. These were kids that were recruited by colleges in 10th and 11th grade and now as seniors have no offers. The effects are real on athletes. Maybe that will help convince him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your first mistake was telling him early on that you “know” he’ll likely try it, but to wait as long as possible.

I guess he did exactly as you asked.

I would never in a million years say that to a kid.

+1
you literally normalized drug-use for him. "it's inevitable!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

Since when is it developmentally normal to smoke weed at 15?

Since the 70’s

There's been a ton of research (since the 70s) that shows that using drugs at an early age can exacerbate mental health disorders especially in males. My brother's schizophrenia has been directly connected to his teen pot and other drug use.

Pot use alone does not cause schizophrenia. It’s a combination of genetics environment and life circumstances. Pot can exacerbate these.

so? you have no clue what genetics your child has or what kind of environmental triggers he had encountered. maybe he is untriggerable, but maybe he isn't. taking such a huge gamble (and for what benefit) is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

They are normal children. They are engaging in activities that are not “normal” for their age, if for no other reason that the majority of kids their age do not smoke pot and drink, especially on a weekly basis.

Sorry your kids have turned out that way, but claiming that everyone else has these problems is simply not true.

They are normal children doing things normal teens do.

Majority of kids don’t go to college but going to college is developmentally normal

I feel sorry for your kids that you expect perfection of you will label them abnormal.

Thats a lot of adult therapy they will need

"crazy parents": "please don't use pot. it can be really dangerous".
"normal parents": "you monsters who expect perfection, i feel sorry for your kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

They are normal children. They are engaging in activities that are not “normal” for their age, if for no other reason that the majority of kids their age do not smoke pot and drink, especially on a weekly basis.

Sorry your kids have turned out that way, but claiming that everyone else has these problems is simply not true.

They are normal children doing things normal teens do.

Majority of kids don’t go to college but going to college is developmentally normal

I feel sorry for your kids that you expect perfection of you will label them abnormal.

Thats a lot of adult therapy they will need

"crazy parents": "please don't use pot. it can be really dangerous".
"normal parents": "you monsters who expect perfection, i feel sorry for your kids"

Yes, some day your child will do something that is not good for them but also it will be normal... perhaps it's smoke pot, or drink alcohol, or date an a-hole, fail a class in college or gain 20lbs after HS, or become a firefighter instead of going to college and you (well not you) a good parent will be there to ensure it's not something terrible, get them help if needed but not overreact.. You of course will overreact.

[Anonymous]

OP, My brother started smoking pot at age 15. He went to counseling with my parents. The therapist told my parents it was a normal part of growing up, kind of like underage drinking.

My brother died of alcoholism at age 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your first mistake was telling him early on that you “know” he’ll likely try it, but to wait as long as possible.

I guess he did exactly as you asked.

I would never in a million years say that to a kid.

+1
you literally normalized drug-use for him. "it's inevitable!"

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was doing this at 15 and while it is developmentally normal it was a little more than I was willing to see as normal. Every weekend, in the basement alone, etc.

I had him see a therapist about 10 times over a semester and he worked out some issues he had with anxiety, unrealistic expectation (in his friend group who were all Ivy or bust ... btw they all busted), low self esteem issues (both his brothers were D1 athletes... we knew he was not interested and did not care), a few girl issues we were not aware of and basic what's it all for issues.

It was nice because he learned to be a little more open with us even though he could be open he didn't know how .. he's a 15 yo introvert so it was something he needed coaching on. The therapist was both a therapist and a coach.

He came out of it, but then dipped back in it 2020 at college so a little more therapy.

Raising kids is not for the faint of heart.

In what work is smoking pot every weekend at 15 “developmentally normal?” You are nuts, PP, but I assume denial is your way of coping for your poor parenting decisions.

The works of teens.

I know y’all don’t like to think that it’s normal for a 15 yo to drink, smoke pot and have sex and still are normal children.

Its normal.

You want to catastrophize and think … but they will fail out, or the I’ll become schizophrenic, or they’re gonna become drug addict.

But those situations are extreme outliers.

Op should check in, see what’s going on and see if he is having issues in other area.

They are normal children. They are engaging in activities that are not “normal” for their age, if for no other reason that the majority of kids their age do not smoke pot and drink, especially on a weekly basis.

Sorry your kids have turned out that way, but claiming that everyone else has these problems is simply not true.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"intense private" LOL

OP reframe your thoughts.

Every school has drugs.

Privates are not "intense" that is absurd.

Your kid is a druggie you raised a druggie.
He's lying to you.

PP, your jealousy is ugly. Everyone knows there are intense privates. It’s clear you know nothing about them. Also, what a rude response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My brother started smoking pot at age 15. He went to counseling with my parents. The therapist told my parents it was a normal part of growing up, kind of like underage drinking.

My brother died of alcoholism at age 50.

He died of untreated depression.

[Anonymous]

On the other hand, OP, I know plenty of people who started smoking pot our sophomore year of high school. None of them have died of alcoholism. Most of them have gone on to live very normal and happy lives.

Not saying it’s OK. I’m just saying that these dire examples are ridiculous and weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

This is what my parenting friend group is experiencing. None of us know what this crap is, but the kids do. And I think of it like an iceberg, what we're finding is just what's on the surface, tons of kids are doing it recreationally and not being detected.

The concept of developmentally normal is being massacred in this thread. Testing boundaries is on the range of normal developmental activity, it is not abnormal for kids to experiment with things they aren't supposed to. The trajectory of these experiments can go poorly with or without intervention, and intervention can look like different things with different kids/families. The outcome is never guaranteed both for parents who throw all their time/resources behind curbing the experimentation AND for families who don't discover or choose to overlook the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry. We also recently found our hs junior has been using a 'dab pen' with THC. It was absolutely affecting his motivation and the physical signs were obvious. He denied it even when faced with the device I found in his room.

They think they are invincible at this age and peer pressure is huge. We talked to him about the health concerns, how it can be laced, how he will fail drug tests. This last one is what really caught is attention and he says he is using that now as an excuse to his peers. The physical signs are not there anymore and I truly think he is not using at this point. But we are extremely vigilant and watch him like a hawk.

Don't take to heart what some of these parents are saying about raising a druggie or whatever. There but for the grace of god they go.

OP here, this is the most effective post. I know I didn't raise a druggie and I don't take offense to those who throw stones from a glass house -their time will come. It may not be drugs, alcohol, etc. but something will force them to eat a slice of humble pie. I'm curious what were the physical signs were you noticed? Thank you for your support and advice.

The obvious ones - so cliche. He would come home from school and take a very long nap. Bloodshot eyes. Just more fatigued and snacking more. Not going to the gym. And the biggest - use of air freshener in his room. It was so obvious. I knew SOMETHING was going on but I didn't have any physical evidence until I found the cartridge. I had to ask my older son in college exactly what it was because I wasn't sure and google wasn't a huge help. It is a whole new ballgame with this generation - it is not just joints and cigarettes. It is easier to hide/disguise. And think it is so prevalent they don't understand how dangerous is really is both physically and legally.

This is what my parenting friend group is experiencing. None of us know what this crap is, but the kids do. And I think of it like an iceberg, what we're finding is just what's on the surface, tons of kids are doing it recreationally and not being detected.

The concept of developmentally normal is being massacred in this thread. Testing boundaries is on the range of normal developmental activity, it is not abnormal for kids to experiment with things they aren't supposed to. The trajectory of these experiments can go poorly with or without intervention, and intervention can look like different things with different kids/families. The outcome is never guaranteed both for parents who throw all their time/resources behind curbing the experimentation AND for families who don't discover or choose to overlook the behavior.

stop with the "testing boundaries" nonsense. they are not testing boundaries - they already know there are no boundaries, their parents made that clear. "developmentally normal" is meaningless concept invented to make parents feel good. it's "developmentally normal" to hunt and gather and have babies at 13.

they are getting high because they like it and their friends are doing it.