My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

Thirty years from now, when your middle class family members need elder care, do you want to help pay for it? Or do you want their kids to be able to provide for them? Help your nephew.

My uncle was a ceo of a large company and he always said, he can help someone get an interview at lots of places, but he can’t get someone an actual job. If he’s super unqualified, he probably won’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg op what is wrong with you! Please give this kid a shot and a leg up.

The kid didn't have as may opportunities. Why didn't you help him out more over the years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is our oldest nephew and I'm a SAHM, so I've never been through this before. Nephew is graduating from college. Sister and BIL are middle class. I'm a bit uncomfortable with my husband putting his neck out for an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job. Or is this just how the world works and I should encourage my husband to help? My husband has helped a couple of close friends' kids, but they all had pretty impressive CVs, so I don't think they really even needed the lift.

Most jobs are gotten because someone knows someone. He can help the kid out or offer advice at the least. This is how the world works.

[Anonymous]

I feel like sometimes kids form middle or working class families do not know how to navigate the professional world. it is not like that is taught in school - skills sure - but networking, interviewing, and other soft skills aren't taught.

Parents who never went to college have a hard time helping kids go to college because they never did it. this is the same time.

My daughter is totally into Tennis. I know nothing about tennis. It isn't easy to navigate the tennis culture/coaches/gear because I know nothing. it is the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

Maybe the kid didn't know because no one told him. so maybe some advice would be helpful. How do you expect this kid to know that is what he should have been doing?

[Anonymous]

There is no way my husband, or any of our friends, or myself, would ever recommend a family member to a job that we thought were beyond them. It's JUST NOT DONE. You're absolutely correct not to push a professional into ethically-dicey territory. Your husband can do whatever he thinks fit, which should include interview and resume help.

I don't know why posters are giving you a hard time, OP. Maybe it's just one or two trolls spamming the thread repeatedly with their nepotism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There is no way my husband, or any of our friends, or myself, would ever recommend a family member to a job that we thought were beyond them. It's JUST NOT DONE. You're absolutely correct not to push a professional into ethically-dicey territory. Your husband can do whatever he thinks fit, which should include interview and resume help.

I don't know why posters are giving you a hard time, OP. Maybe it's just one or two trolls spamming the thread repeatedly with their nepotism.

Not if she never tells him that the kid is looking for help, he can't. Posters are giving her a hard time because she's refusing to even pass the message to her husband, even though 1) she's in no position to judge who is or isn't qualified, and 2) her husband has demonstrated comfort in the past with recommending young people for consideration. She's subsituting her judgment for his, not protecting him from ethical gray areas.

[Anonymous]

Here's an easy answer. Ask your husband to pass your nephew's resume to HR. If your husband has a high position in the corporate ladder, maybe that'll get your nephew an interview. If he's aimless and doesn't have any relevant internship experience, that'll come across during the interview and he'll not get hired. Suggest to your husband that he stay out of the final hiring decision.

[Anonymous]

I can’t read 7 pages of this, but OP and page 1 PPs, where y’all from?! This is gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There is no way my husband, or any of our friends, or myself, would ever recommend a family member to a job that we thought were beyond them. It's JUST NOT DONE. You're absolutely correct not to push a professional into ethically-dicey territory. Your husband can do whatever he thinks fit, which should include interview and resume help.

I don't know why posters are giving you a hard time, OP. Maybe it's just one or two trolls spamming the thread repeatedly with their nepotism.

Not if she never tells him that the kid is looking for help, he can't. Posters are giving her a hard time because she's refusing to even pass the message to her husband, even though 1) she's in no position to judge who is or isn't qualified, and 2) her husband has demonstrated comfort in the past with recommending young people for consideration. She's subsituting her judgment for his, not protecting him from ethical gray areas.

Nonsense. The nephew should be asking her husband directly. His parents are asking OP because they know he's not fit for the job and don't dare ask the professional in question. In the circumstances, it is beyond rude to ask OP to relay such things to her husband. She can exercise her judgment and choose to shield him from the pressures of ethically-challenged in-laws. You're all on other threads ranting about how each spouse should deal with their own family. The same applies here. If they're that desperate, they can ask him directly.

Finally, one extremely important point: there is her husband's credibility to consider, and frankly to prioritize. If he wants to be respected in his professional milieu, his word should carry weight. He CANNOT be seen to angle for posts for incompetent relatives. This is how reputations built on years of hard work and probity get destroyed in the blink of an eye.

So no. None of that nonsense. There is a huge difference between networking and recommendations for deserving individuals, whether or not they are family, and pushing relatives into jobs they aren't good for.

OP is perfectly right, and all of you idiots criticizing her are complete and utter morons with no understanding whatsoever of workplace ethics.

Seriously. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There is no way my husband, or any of our friends, or myself, would ever recommend a family member to a job that we thought were beyond them. It's JUST NOT DONE. You're absolutely correct not to push a professional into ethically-dicey territory. Your husband can do whatever he thinks fit, which should include interview and resume help.

I don't know why posters are giving you a hard time, OP. Maybe it's just one or two trolls spamming the thread repeatedly with their nepotism.

Not if she never tells him that the kid is looking for help, he can't. Posters are giving her a hard time because she's refusing to even pass the message to her husband, even though 1) she's in no position to judge who is or isn't qualified, and 2) her husband has demonstrated comfort in the past with recommending young people for consideration. She's subsituting her judgment for his, not protecting him from ethical gray areas.

Nonsense. The nephew should be asking her husband directly. His parents are asking OP because they know he's not fit for the job and don't dare ask the professional in question. In the circumstances, it is beyond rude to ask OP to relay such things to her husband. She can exercise her judgment and choose to shield him from the pressures of ethically-challenged in-laws. You're all on other threads ranting about how each spouse should deal with their own family. The same applies here. If they're that desperate, they can ask him directly.

Finally, one extremely important point: there is her husband's credibility to consider, and frankly to prioritize. If he wants to be respected in his professional milieu, his word should carry weight. He CANNOT be seen to angle for posts for incompetent relatives. This is how reputations built on years of hard work and probity get destroyed in the blink of an eye.

So no. None of that nonsense. There is a huge difference between networking and recommendations for deserving individuals, whether or not they are family, and pushing relatives into jobs they aren't good for.

OP is perfectly right, and all of you idiots criticizing her are complete and utter morons with no understanding whatsoever of workplace ethics.

Seriously. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

OP, sock puppeting is embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is taking sides forgetting that everyone can be wrong. OP can be a snob for looking down on her family for being middle class and her family can be wrong regarding whether nephew has any chance at the kind of job they think husband can get him.

[Anonymous]

I don't object to OP not wanting her DH to pass on a resume because her nephew is unqualified, but the only info given in the first post was "Sister and BIL are middle class" and calling her nephew "an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job." Nothing about qualifications. Everything about money and class. That's why people picked up that thread for discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There is no way my husband, or any of our friends, or myself, would ever recommend a family member to a job that we thought were beyond them. It's JUST NOT DONE. You're absolutely correct not to push a professional into ethically-dicey territory. Your husband can do whatever he thinks fit, which should include interview and resume help.

I don't know why posters are giving you a hard time, OP. Maybe it's just one or two trolls spamming the thread repeatedly with their nepotism.

Not if she never tells him that the kid is looking for help, he can't. Posters are giving her a hard time because she's refusing to even pass the message to her husband, even though 1) she's in no position to judge who is or isn't qualified, and 2) her husband has demonstrated comfort in the past with recommending young people for consideration. She's subsituting her judgment for his, not protecting him from ethical gray areas.

Nonsense. The nephew should be asking her husband directly. His parents are asking OP because they know he's not fit for the job and don't dare ask the professional in question. In the circumstances, it is beyond rude to ask OP to relay such things to her husband. She can exercise her judgment and choose to shield him from the pressures of ethically-challenged in-laws. You're all on other threads ranting about how each spouse should deal with their own family. The same applies here. If they're that desperate, they can ask him directly.

Finally, one extremely important point: there is her husband's credibility to consider, and frankly to prioritize. If he wants to be respected in his professional milieu, his word should carry weight. He CANNOT be seen to angle for posts for incompetent relatives. This is how reputations built on years of hard work and probity get destroyed in the blink of an eye.

So no. None of that nonsense. There is a huge difference between networking and recommendations for deserving individuals, whether or not they are family, and pushing relatives into jobs they aren't good for.

OP is perfectly right, and all of you idiots criticizing her are complete and utter morons with no understanding whatsoever of workplace ethics.

Seriously. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

OP, sock puppeting is embarrassing.

I am not OP and Jeff can confirm that if you ask him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?