My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our oldest nephew and I'm a SAHM, so I've never been through this before. Nephew is graduating from college. Sister and BIL are middle class. I'm a bit uncomfortable with my husband putting his neck out for an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job. Or is this just how the world works and I should encourage my husband to help? My husband has helped a couple of close friends' kids, but they all had pretty impressive CVs, so I don't think they really even needed the lift.

To answer that part of your question. Yes, a thousand times yes. This is how the the lucrative job market works. People get these jobs through the secret doors that are accessible to those with connections. The kids today call it "privilege" but it's been around for a long time.

To the rest, I would recommend that your husband push gently for this person; it sounds like he has experience getting people jobs. In this case, he just needs to qualify everything by saying things like he hasn't worked with him closely, not sure it will be a perfect fit, etc. Chances are, the kid will fake it till he makes it, then will grow into the job.

For all we know that is EXACTLY how OP's husband got a start. Either at a prestige school or knew someone who knew someone at the firm. It's just nasty not to help a young man and pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

The kid can do an internship at a lower pay rate to earn his chops after graduation. He can join the middle office and work his way up.

You have to somehow get your first finance internship. Plenty of people go into the industry after doing other things. And, frankly, going to college doesn't prepare you to work in finance. You learn how to do the job on-the-job.

My suggestion is two-fold:
(1) ask your husband to look at his resume, chat with him, and see if he can give your nephew a couple leads for ANYTHING at his company
(2) educate your sister that her son isn't traipsing into a six-figure job after graduation - that's not how the world works. He can maybe get an opportunity and then work his way up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you have some internalized class issues and embarrassment of your middle class roots. Why hasn't your DH helped before with internships? And why haven't you (since I assume you went to a good college and have a well-paying job) helped with an internship before? This is how upper-class do things. Given your roots, it is obvious you don't know this.

Oh wow. Didn't realize OP was stay at home. Now I am just embarrassed for her. Don't get a divorce is all I got to say.

You reek of jealousy! Hahahaahaahahaaaahahaahaahahhhhahahhaahah!

Yep! Totally jealous I am not a sociopath!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

If you were a good person, you would have mentored your nephew 4 years ago and suggested that he get in touch with your husband and get an internship at his firm. But you're not. So you didn't.
Your post is full of contempt for your nephew. Why is that? There has to be more to the story here.

Holy shit you’re saying his aunt should have started mentoring him freshman year? Who does this?? (Not normal people. Strivers maybe. But us Regular Joes - no way)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

If you were a good person, you would have mentored your nephew 4 years ago and suggested that he get in touch with your husband and get an internship at his firm. But you're not. So you didn't.
Your post is full of contempt for your nephew. Why is that? There has to be more to the story here.

Nephew probably goes to a state school or a non-feeder private. OP has class embarrassment on behalf of her nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

If you were a good person, you would have mentored your nephew 4 years ago and suggested that he get in touch with your husband and get an internship at his firm. But you're not. So you didn't.
Your post is full of contempt for your nephew. Why is that? There has to be more to the story here.

Holy shit you’re saying his aunt should have started mentoring him freshman year? Who does this?? (Not normal people. Strivers maybe. But us Regular Joes - no way)

It doesn't take much to have a conversation with her nephew at a family gathering about his plans and suggest a couple of things. I didn't say she should have taken on a full time job of mentoring him (she is not qualified, let's face it). but making some suggestions is totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it feels weird you’re so weirded out by this ask…it’s your sister/nephew?

Without knowing more details it’s impossible to say whether this is a reasonable request or not. But if it’s not a situation (depending on industry, grades, etc) where your husband can just…give his resume a good nudge, the right thing to do would be for him to offer to sit down with your nephew and have a conversation. Talk to him about his goals, give him information and context about how to get there, what companies are looking for in hiring, offer to help him do XYZ in furtherance of said goals. This is, indeed, how the world works.

And in case it needs to be said: you are not better than your sister because you married someone rich.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re a bad person because you didn’t help him with internships long before graduation.

Why are you dragging your feet so much? This is YOUR nephew—and he’s also your husband’s nephew as long as you’re married. Your attitude makes both of you look bad.

In a very basic level you know this is exactly how the world works. You live a comfortable life because of who you know-your husband.

You have the chance to give your nephew a leg up in the world by sharing your contacts, but you’re choosing not to. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it sounds like you’re desperate to cling to the idea that some people are simply inherently deserving of wealth and others are not. That mindset makes your place in your husband’s world feel more deserving instead of pure chance. It’s probably scary to imagine that if another pretty girl had caught his eye, you could be the one struggling to make ends meet—just like your sister.

If your husband helps your nephew and he fits into your world, it probably confirms how truly random (and unearned) your own place is. That’s true of just about everyone. Your husband can choose to help a random kid who tells a good joke at the country club or help his nephew. It is truly that random.

Merit has nothing to do with who comes out ahead. You of all people know this.

[Anonymous]

OP you do not deserve your UMC life. But there you are.

Why not your nephew?

[Anonymous]

Can your DH have coffee with your nephew? Why hasn't this happened yet if nephew is a senior?

I feel like there's more to this as PP's have implied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you have some internalized class issues and embarrassment of your middle class roots. Why hasn't your DH helped before with internships? And why haven't you (since I assume you went to a good college and have a well-paying job) helped with an internship before? This is how upper-class do things. Given your roots, it is obvious you don't know this.

Oh wow. Didn't realize OP was stay at home. Now I am just embarrassed for her. Don't get a divorce is all I got to say.

You reek of jealousy! Hahahaahaahahaaaahahaahaahahhhhahahhaahah!

Yep! Totally jealous I am not a sociopath!

And to add, denial as well.

[Anonymous]

The only problem here is Sister and BIL going through OP instead of asking DH directly. This is business talk, dear. Your input is not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you have some internalized class issues and embarrassment of your middle class roots. Why hasn't your DH helped before with internships? And why haven't you (since I assume you went to a good college and have a well-paying job) helped with an internship before? This is how upper-class do things. Given your roots, it is obvious you don't know this.

Oh wow. Didn't realize OP was stay at home. Now I am just embarrassed for her. Don't get a divorce is all I got to say.

You reek of jealousy! Hahahaahaahahaaaahahaahaahahhhhahahhaahah!

Yep! Totally jealous I am not a sociopath!

NP. Those who call others this are the ones. I’m just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve your UMC life. But there you are.

Why not your nephew?

You think the nephew can polish the barber pole?