My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

This is in no way responsive to the question asked. PP was not disputing that there ARE six figure entry level jobs out there, rather questioning whether OP was being accurate when she said that the request was actually for DH to secure any old six figure salary regardless of qualifications. (it wasn't)

This is my thread. My husband and much of his family are in finance. My nephew can get a normal job offer. I believe those pay 50k to 60k on average? My sister and BIL do not want my husband’s help to get a normal job offer, they want his connections to get their son an extremely competitive 100k finance type of job offer. My nephew does not qualify for those jobs. The students my husband has helped qualified and still asked for help because those internships and six figure job offers are so competitive.

Why are you getting involved? Your husband can make up his mind if he wants to help his nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

This is in no way responsive to the question asked. PP was not disputing that there ARE six figure entry level jobs out there, rather questioning whether OP was being accurate when she said that the request was actually for DH to secure any old six figure salary regardless of qualifications. (it wasn't)

This is my thread. My husband and much of his family are in finance. My nephew can get a normal job offer. I believe those pay 50k to 60k on average? My sister and BIL do not want my husband’s help to get a normal job offer, they want his connections to get their son an extremely competitive 100k finance type of job offer. My nephew does not qualify for those jobs. The students my husband has helped qualified and still asked for help because those internships and six figure job offers are so competitive.

I like how you, being unemployed, don't even know what "normal jobs" pay. But you're pretty sure that you are uniquely qualified to tell who deserves what job and particularly who deserves access to your husband, from whom you derive all of your sexually-transmitted finance world know-how.

Different sources say $55K to 70K was the median starting salary for college grads in 2023.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't like her sister, BIL or the nephew. I can't imagine not wanting to help any of my nieces or nephews, and they aren't all rock stars.

I think the disconnect here is a lack of awareness in how difficult it is to get a Wall Street analyst job. Students grind for four years, have one to three summer internships in finance, perfect grades, attend a target university, leadership in selective student orgs, training on Bloomberg terminal and Excel, and strong references. The first year pay can be over $150,000 after bonus. It’s up there with getting into U.S. medical school or a top law school. If a college senior has basically none of the qualifications, whoever vouches for the kid so he can cut everyone who actually worked their butt off is sticking their neck out.

It is very easy to type you’d stick your neck out or create friction in your marriage to make a spouse help in-laws on a forum.

There's no one here who doesn't know what a finance bro does, OP. You seem the most confused of everyone. Your husband (NOT YOU) can help your nephew in infinity ways before you get to "hand him a job he doesn't deserve." He can review his resume, he can have a call with him where they discuss what his ultimate goals are and potential career paths, he can recommend internships, jobs and/or employers that would be a good fit for what he is qualified to do now and still leave the path open to what he wants in 5-10 years. But you are so embarrassed to be the poor wife who married in that you're acting like everyone who says "Larlo is starting to think about what he wants to do after college, and he's always admired Jimmy's firm" is expecting a job to be handed to them on a silver platter. Your DH will navigate this much, much more skillfully (and likely with more empathy) than you are displaying here. Let him do that.

[Anonymous]

Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't like her sister, BIL or the nephew. I can't imagine not wanting to help any of my nieces or nephews, and they aren't all rock stars.

I think the disconnect here is a lack of awareness in how difficult it is to get a Wall Street analyst job. Students grind for four years, have one to three summer internships in finance, perfect grades, attend a target university, leadership in selective student orgs, training on Bloomberg terminal and Excel, and strong references. The first year pay can be over $150,000 after bonus. It’s up there with getting into U.S. medical school or a top law school. If a college senior has basically none of the qualifications, whoever vouches for the kid so he can cut everyone who actually worked their butt off is sticking their neck out.

It is very easy to type you’d stick your neck out or create friction in your marriage to make a spouse help in-laws on a forum.

There's no one here who doesn't know what a finance bro does, OP. You seem the most confused of everyone. Your husband (NOT YOU) can help your nephew in infinity ways before you get to "hand him a job he doesn't deserve." He can review his resume, he can have a call with him where they discuss what his ultimate goals are and potential career paths, he can recommend internships, jobs and/or employers that would be a good fit for what he is qualified to do now and still leave the path open to what he wants in 5-10 years. But you are so embarrassed to be the poor wife who married in that you're acting like everyone who says "Larlo is starting to think about what he wants to do after college, and he's always admired Jimmy's firm" is expecting a job to be handed to them on a silver platter. Your DH will navigate this much, much more skillfully (and likely with more empathy) than you are displaying here. Let him do that.

But you don't understand, these kids have training on Bloomberg terminals!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't like her sister, BIL or the nephew. I can't imagine not wanting to help any of my nieces or nephews, and they aren't all rock stars.

I think the disconnect here is a lack of awareness in how difficult it is to get a Wall Street analyst job. Students grind for four years, have one to three summer internships in finance, perfect grades, attend a target university, leadership in selective student orgs, training on Bloomberg terminal and Excel, and strong references. The first year pay can be over $150,000 after bonus. It’s up there with getting into U.S. medical school or a top law school. If a college senior has basically none of the qualifications, whoever vouches for the kid so he can cut everyone who actually worked their butt off is sticking their neck out.

It is very easy to type you’d stick your neck out or create friction in your marriage to make a spouse help in-laws on a forum.

There's no one here who doesn't know what a finance bro does, OP. You seem the most confused of everyone. Your husband (NOT YOU) can help your nephew in infinity ways before you get to "hand him a job he doesn't deserve." He can review his resume, he can have a call with him where they discuss what his ultimate goals are and potential career paths, he can recommend internships, jobs and/or employers that would be a good fit for what he is qualified to do now and still leave the path open to what he wants in 5-10 years. But you are so embarrassed to be the poor wife who married in that you're acting like everyone who says "Larlo is starting to think about what he wants to do after college, and he's always admired Jimmy's firm" is expecting a job to be handed to them on a silver platter. Your DH will navigate this much, much more skillfully (and likely with more empathy) than you are displaying here. Let him do that.

But you don't understand, these kids have training on Bloomberg terminals!

More likely their dads or uncles do and they have the "charm and ambition" to fake it until they make it (or, more acurately: it's made for them and handed over with a firm handshake).

[Anonymous]

Pass the message to your DH and let him make the decision. It's not yours to make.

[Anonymous]

If he gets the job through the husband and is not successful, no one will blame the husband. There's no getting around the fact this is a recent college grad without the extras on his resume. He will have to prove himself and if he doesn't work out what is the big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he gets the job through the husband and is not successful, no one will blame the husband. There's no getting around the fact this is a recent college grad without the extras on his resume. He will have to prove himself and if he doesn't work out what is the big deal.

Most well off people help each other's kids and relatives get jobs. So I've heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

Op, I am glad you realize it isn't your money that your married into. Just tell sister that: sorry, I married into this but I can't help you because you are too middle class and your son is too average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

1. Your nephew is not your husband's in-law. What are you, a third wife 48 years his junior??
2. You have no idea what your nephew is qualified to earn. You are googling average salaries and don't even know what the alternative job would be for him.
3. Your initial question was "is this just how the world works" and the answer is YES. But every post since then you've called your nephew some variation on useless or stupid, so ask the question you really want to ask: Are you highlighting your middle class roots by letting your need to feel superior to your sister stand in the way of any additional money accruing to your family members. (The answer is still yes, btw.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he gets the job through the husband and is not successful, no one will blame the husband. There's no getting around the fact this is a recent college grad without the extras on his resume. He will have to prove himself and if he doesn't work out what is the big deal.

Most well off people help each other's kids and relatives get jobs. So I've heard.

That’s how the world works. It seems mysterious only to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pass the message to your DH and let him make the decision. It's not yours to make.

Or tell your sister/nephew to reach out to your husband directly (if you are uncomfortable passing the message along).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

But if the kid was wealthy and had 30 minutes of training on using a Bloomberg terminal, you'd be cool with it.