My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

OP you dumba**, even those top-tier financial institutions have entry-level roles in operations or compliance that pay fairly well and are less competitive than the IB roles. How do you know your nephew is not qualified?

Also, no IB analyst gets the job based on their Bloomberg or Excel qualifications. WTF.

[Anonymous]

I would hate to have an aunt like you. You enjoy your siblings lower station in life and you don’t want their son to thrive and help his parents, become the new star of your family, and more importantly , be better than your kids . He’s probably more hard working and conscientious than your kids and your are jealous that as a SAHM, you just can’t get it as right as your lowly and working class sister /brother

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe everyone is going on about how nepotism is good. I encourage the nephew to have a chat with his uncle about his goals and resume — if uncle thinks the kid is a good fit for entry level jobs at his company, yay; if not the nephew will get good feedback on his resume and interview techniques. That’s more than enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pass. Tell him to get a job based on merit.

I am at the SES level in the federal government and I help my relatives, neighbors and former colleague's kids get federal contracting jobs all the time, especially my relatives. In the real world, many times, it is not what you know but who you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe everyone is going on about how nepotism is good. I encourage the nephew to have a chat with his uncle about his goals and resume — if uncle thinks the kid is a good fit for entry level jobs at his company, yay; if not the nephew will get good feedback on his resume and interview techniques. That’s more than enough.

I think the issue here is that is what is actually be asked, or at a minimum what OP's DH should offer. But OP doesn't even want to ASK him. This is what "help him get a job" actually means. But OP doesn't even want to ask him to do that. She thinks her nephew is not "deserving."

[Anonymous]

The biggest thing here is you seem to not have a relationship with your nephew, and really seem aggrieved by your sister’s request so this is more about family dynamics.

If your husband is a successful professional, and hopefully a caring person, why would he not have lunch with nephew and explain the opportunities in his field/ employer. Form that is identify the best path to success. You do same with sister explaining happy to guide but no guarantees.

We’d all like to know why you are so aggrieved by this request. Are you embarrassed by family, did you ask for help from family and did not get it? Also, do you have children, and what are their ages.

[Anonymous]

This is next level from someone who doesn't even work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t the nephew asking for help instead of his mother and father?

Maybe because it’s a delicate issue in this case? On account of OP’s jerkish attitude. I doubt this is the first time OP has lacked compassion and her sister probably knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you people acting indignant that OP doesn’t want to do nepotism are ridiculous. Maybe nephew should have put in a bit of effort in reaching out/asking about internships/showing any interest at all.

+1. I think it’s one crazy person posting this type of thing over and over, including berating OP for not mentoring her nephew all through college (even though he never asked!).

If nephew wants uncle’s help, he should contact uncle. Not have his parent contact wife to tell husband. On top of a poor resume, this kid does not sound mature at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like sometimes kids form middle or working class families do not know how to navigate the professional world. it is not like that is taught in school - skills sure - but networking, interviewing, and other soft skills aren't taught.

Parents who never went to college have a hard time helping kids go to college because they never did it. this is the same time.

My daughter is totally into Tennis. I know nothing about tennis. It isn't easy to navigate the tennis culture/coaches/gear because I know nothing. it is the same thing.

Seriously. LMC here. I never asked anyone for help with a job, even people working at where i was applying. It felt so inappropriate and I thought jobs were hired on merit. My career is so-so, Fed contractor despite elite education. This thread is really eye opening just how much people expect hiring by connections is the norm, not just a leg up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

OP you dumba**, even those top-tier financial institutions have entry-level roles in operations or compliance that pay fairly well and are less competitive than the IB roles. How do you know your nephew is not qualified?

Also, no IB analyst gets the job based on their Bloomberg or Excel qualifications. WTF.

I don’t know all of the differences in the paths you’re describing but I know he does not want help with a 60k job any graduating senior can apply for and have a chance at. Respectfully, I think I know my family better than you. They want my husband to get him a prestigious 100k plus job he is not qualified for, upwards of a year after most of those first-year roles were filled. The *qualified* family friends who asked my husband for help asked over a year before the *summer internship* began. My nephew graduates in a couple of months. It’s my husband’s professional reputation on the line, not y’all’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

It's only "more competitive" if you don't have connections and you are trying to get in on your own merit.

Goldman and all the major WS banks have programs that gives internships and entry level jobs to HNW clients or decisionmakers in large companies:
https://www.businessinsider.in/a-goldman-sachs-elevator-primer-on-how-rich-kids-get-banking-jobs-in-hong-kong/articleshow/48561452.cms

I know people who had major disciplinary issues at Ivy League schools and ended up with elite WS entry level jobs despite getting straight Gentleman's Bs while studying "Government."

You are so preciously clueless about how WS works. It's sad-cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

Every time you post you sound less and less nice. You are seething with contempt for your nephew. You're the worst aunt ever.

[Anonymous]

If your nephew has a degree from Duke he is qualified to be a finance bro, like all the other Duke finance bros.