My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

I suppose it depends on exactly what help the nephew expects. Is there an internship program the nephew is applying for? Is the nephew's education/temperament consistent with the company? I was surprised when my niece didn't want help from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our oldest nephew and I'm a SAHM, so I've never been through this before. Nephew is graduating from college. Sister and BIL are middle class. I'm a bit uncomfortable with my husband putting his neck out for an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job. Or is this just how the world works and I should encourage my husband to help? My husband has helped a couple of close friends' kids, but they all had pretty impressive CVs, so I don't think they really even needed the lift.

If he's willing to do it for friends' kids, you should definitely ask him to do it for your nephew. It's an entry-level position, he's not asking to be CFO. He can sink or swim once he gets there but having the door opened by a connection is *exactly* how the world works.

It's strange that you call your nephew "an in-law" when speaking from your husband's perspective. Your sister and BIL are his in laws, but the next generation down is just . . . his nephew, same as yours.

We socialize with those families and those handful of kids he helped we knew for years. Very charming and highly ambitious students. I doubt they even needed my husband's help. My nephew is fairly aimless and isn't setting the world on fire. I'm sure he can land a regular 60K job like any other graduating college student. My sister and brother in law think my husband can pull strings to land him some plum six figure finance job a couple months before he graduates.

Is he supposed to be setting the world on fire before he graduates college? How aimless can someone be while taking classes toward graduation? Is he a 7th year senior or something?

You knew the other kids for years, as opposed to your nephew, who you what, just met? You are coming across like a sociopath. You have no job whatsoever but believe that you know better than your DH, the actual gatekeeper, what kids deserve a shot based on . . . being charmed at a cocktail party, so you will denigrate your own flesh and blood and not even ask your DH to do the same favor for your nephew that he is clearly comfortable doing for kids he knows. If you could read your posts through any other eyes you'd be mortified.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you have some internalized class issues and embarrassment of your middle class roots. Why hasn't your DH helped before with internships? And why haven't you (since I assume you went to a good college and have a well-paying job) helped with an internship before? This is how upper-class do things. Given your roots, it is obvious you don't know this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is how the world works.

But I'll add that your DH should be careful -- if you know this nephew isn't at par, I'd hesitate to open the door for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you have some internalized class issues and embarrassment of your middle class roots. Why hasn't your DH helped before with internships? And why haven't you (since I assume you went to a good college and have a well-paying job) helped with an internship before? This is how upper-class do things. Given your roots, it is obvious you don't know this.

Oh wow. Didn't realize OP was stay at home. Now I am just embarrassed for her. Don't get a divorce is all I got to say.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine ever saying no to my SISTER to get her child, my nephew a job. You are a terrible person OP. Are you estranged from your sister?

[Anonymous]

Yes this is how it works.

Your h doesn’t actually have to give him a job at his work, but he should give him 3 good leads.

Your H is successful, he should be helping younger people and mentoring people even if they are not related.

Yes this is how the world works.

Even after he gets him a job they should follow up every 6 months to mentor his.

[Anonymous]

Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine ever saying no to my SISTER to get her child, my nephew a job. You are a terrible person OP. Are you estranged from your sister?

Seriously.

We even helped our distant cousins get construction jobs when they moved here with no degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

OP is not in any position to judge whether making introductions for this kid would be a bad idea. Her DH is in a position to make that call, but she is gatekeeping access to him because it makes her feel important to tell her sister and BIL they're too poor to expect their son to enter the rarefied circles that OP now moves in. It's psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

Not your call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is our oldest nephew and I'm a SAHM, so I've never been through this before. Nephew is graduating from college. Sister and BIL are middle class. I'm a bit uncomfortable with my husband putting his neck out for an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job. Or is this just how the world works and I should encourage my husband to help? My husband has helped a couple of close friends' kids, but they all had pretty impressive CVs, so I don't think they really even needed the lift.

To answer that part of your question. Yes, a thousand times yes. This is how the the lucrative job market works. People get these jobs through the secret doors that are accessible to those with connections. The kids today call it "privilege" but it's been around for a long time.

To the rest, I would recommend that your husband push gently for this person; it sounds like he has experience getting people jobs. In this case, he just needs to qualify everything by saying things like he hasn't worked with him closely, not sure it will be a perfect fit, etc. Chances are, the kid will fake it till he makes it, then will grow into the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you have some internalized class issues and embarrassment of your middle class roots. Why hasn't your DH helped before with internships? And why haven't you (since I assume you went to a good college and have a well-paying job) helped with an internship before? This is how upper-class do things. Given your roots, it is obvious you don't know this.

Oh wow. Didn't realize OP was stay at home. Now I am just embarrassed for her. Don't get a divorce is all I got to say.

You reek of jealousy! Hahahaahaahahaaaahahaahaahahhhhahahhaahah!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

If you were a good person, you would have mentored your nephew 4 years ago and suggested that he get in touch with your husband and get an internship at his firm. But you're not. So you didn't.
Your post is full of contempt for your nephew. Why is that? There has to be more to the story here.