Having a hard time with daughter's "lifestyle" choices...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman she is dating is not stopping her from being straight (which is what you seem to be thinking ).

. . .

Yes, she really is.

Re-read what OP posted. OP’s daughter is being coerced and manipulated. The lesbian really needs to leave OP’s daughter alone!

What’s evidence is there of coercion and manipulation aside from OP not wanting to admit her daughter might be queer? Possibly OP’s daughter is the manipulative one as she’s apparently stringing her lesbian girlfriend along until she finds a man to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman she is dating is not stopping her from being straight (which is what you seem to be thinking ).

. . .

Yes, she really is.

Re-read what OP posted. OP’s daughter is being coerced and manipulated. The lesbian really needs to leave OP’s daughter alone!

What’s evidence is there of coercion and manipulation aside from OP not wanting to admit her daughter might be queer? Possibly OP’s daughter is the manipulative one as she’s apparently stringing her lesbian girlfriend along until she finds a man to marry.

Are you too lazy to re-read OP’s post, PP ? Do you struggle with reading comprehension?? Here let me help you:

“ My daughter told me last august that she sees herself with a guy. she's attracted to guys but having a female relationship is not usual for girls these days. she said when back at school in the Fall she would try to meet guys and also build more of a social life b/c she struggled with finding her people. Fast forward to today--they are still dating. GF comes to visit her at school for one day on most weekends. She My daughter told me last august that she sees herself with a guy. she's attracted to guys but having a female relationship is not usual for girls these days. she said when back at school in the Fall she would try to meet guys and also build more of a social life b/c she struggled with finding her people. Fast forward to today--they are still dating. GF comes to visit her at school for one day on most weekends. She is still struggling with finding her people (though not positive related) and as off last month told me she still sees herself with a guy and most of her crushes are on guys. is still struggling with finding her people (though not positive related) and as off last month told me she still sees herself with a guy and most of her crushes are on guys.”


OP’s daughter is straight, or maybe bi.

She is isolated, lonely, and vulnerable. The lesbian is preying on a vulnerable college girl and ruining her social life, or even the chance at a social life, by coercing her into spending every weekend with her. It is not right.

[Anonymous]

My best guess is that the daughter is a lesbian but knows her mom wants her to be straight. The fact that OP uses lifestyle choices in the title is pretty telling.

The daughter probably knows that if she comes out now, mom will stop paying for college and disown her so she’s dating a girl and telling mom she’s straight. Once she graduates and has a job, she’ll come out and mom will no longer have leverage. Not that “you have to be straight or I won’t pay for college” will actually make her straight.

Straight women (and men) might experiment in college but that’s a very different thing than a long term relationship. The daughter is not straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best guess is that the daughter is a lesbian but knows her mom wants her to be straight. The fact that OP uses lifestyle choices in the title is pretty telling.

The daughter probably knows that if she comes out now, mom will stop paying for college and disown her so she’s dating a girl and telling mom she’s straight. Once she graduates and has a job, she’ll come out and mom will no longer have leverage. Not that “you have to be straight or I won’t pay for college” will actually make her straight.

Straight women (and men) might experiment in college but that’s a very different thing than a long term relationship. The daughter is not straight.

OP here-sorry this is nutty. my daughter knows that is not even a remote possibility. she knows she would be loved, cherished (and paid for) no matter what. Just had session with therapist who works with tons of kids this age. She doubts she's gay. She literally works with guys who know girls dating girls who they guy has a crush on and say she's with a girl but she's into guys. Times have changed...

[Anonymous]

Is OP still around to report back how the DD is doing? I suddenly found myself in a similar situation with my 20 year old DD coming back for spring break with a lebian girl. DD told me the girl is her friend and they spent a lot of time on campus together. DD dated guys before, now when I asked her, she said at least I don't need to worry about her getting pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a relationship sometimes makes it harder to go be brave and put yourself out there and make friends. Gender of the partner doesn't matter.

This. I think this is why OP is upset. It’s not about gender. It’s about co dependency on someone who feels safe but is actually a crutch

[Anonymous]

Having a relationship with someone with whom one does not see a future is a waste of time and unfair to the other person.
If she hasn't found "her people", maybe joining clubs or events would help build her school community.

[Anonymous]

Take your dd on a vacation to some resort where there are guys… possibly in Turkey? Somewhere she can relax a bit and also where there are interested males. This nonsense needs to end!

[Anonymous]

Your daughter appears Bi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is OP still around to report back how the DD is doing? I suddenly found myself in a similar situation with my 20 year old DD coming back for spring break with a lebian girl. DD told me the girl is her friend and they spent a lot of time on campus together. DD dated guys before, now when I asked her, she said at least I don't need to worry about her getting pregnant.

And if your daughter is gay would that matter to you? Like with the OP of this post, I’d bet your daughter doesn’t feel safe enough with you to fully come out. Support her. Tell her you support her. If you do anything less your daughter will continue to hide. Could she still end up in a heteronormative relationship? Maybe. But be accepting if she doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take your dd on a vacation to some resort where there are guys… possibly in Turkey? Somewhere she can relax a bit and also where there are interested males. This nonsense needs to end!

What nonsense? Gay people and Bi people exist you know…