My 39 y.o. gym trainer is looking for a husband, with no success on dating apps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

You sound smug. Plenty of women find their happiness and enter into first and second marriages in their 40s and 50s

As a married man, if I was single, dating sounds exhausting and expensive. I’d prob do the same thing those guys are doing and just sleep with your gym trainer friend and then ghost her if she was even the slightest bit annoying, saw me as a sperm bank, or worse. Life’s too short. And yeah 39 to have kids? I’m sorry. No. She should get invetro on her own or just bag it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

You sound smug. Plenty of women find their happiness and enter into first and second marriages in their 40s and 50s

As a married man, if I was single, dating sounds exhausting and expensive. I’d prob do the same thing those guys are doing and just sleep with your gym trainer friend and then ghost her if she was even the slightest bit annoying, saw me as a sperm bank, or worse. Life’s too short. And yeah 39 to have kids? I’m sorry. No. She should get invetro on her own or just bag it.

Dating is not expensive if you have a good picker and avoid gym trainers who want you to buy them Lululemon. Wait for a woman who would reciprocate inviting you on dates, communicates, opens up, but won’t necessarily sleep with you right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have used this post to offer self-congratulatory details about your own life under the guise of concern-trolling for your trainer, whom you’ve identified as low SES, “relatively” good looking, and easy.

No one believes you care about this person.

So you’re a married middle-aged homeowner with a teen who can afford a trainer? Congratulations. Make sure to collect your prize: it’s a colonoscopy and marriage counseling.

Not Op but I feel called out and it HURTS.

OP here. PP, don't take these silly posts personally. They are hilarious! 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are just mean-spirited and smug. women’s ’market value’? Like we’re some sort of commodity? Mind your own business and beware of judging others - it usually just makes you look like the a**.

OP here. Yes, market value, for both genders. When guys have an unlimited choice on the dating apps, they rank women very quickly according to their criteria. And vice-versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

OP here. If I were a man, I could easily "bang" her, so there would be no point in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming OP is a woman (unclear) what she cannot get is that a hot 39 year old single personal trainer may be in fact happier than she is. Who among us wouldn’t sort of want that? I love my kid but freedom also sounds great. The only thing the trainer needs to do is realize that you can be perfectly happy without children. If OP actually wanted to be supportive to this woman (doubtful) she would reassure her that the grass isn’t always greener and she should take her time and only date men she feels good with.

OP here (woman, btw). Jesus, does my trainer come across as having the time of her life? She is desperate to nail a good provider and start a family. She just seems to have a different set of values about intimacy than the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

You sound smug. Plenty of women find their happiness and enter into first and second marriages in their 40s and 50s

As a married man, if I was single, dating sounds exhausting and expensive. I’d prob do the same thing those guys are doing and just sleep with your gym trainer friend and then ghost her if she was even the slightest bit annoying, saw me as a sperm bank, or worse. Life’s too short. And yeah 39 to have kids? I’m sorry. No. She should get invetro on her own or just bag it.

OP here. I see your point. If I were single, I would find this dating carousel traumatizing. My trainer has told me about some of the nasty exchanges with guys who rejected her. That would be enough to make me quit those apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is her. I am 46, divorced with elementary kids and have no trouble dating anyone I want age 27-50. I was married at 32, btw, and not in my 20s.

Yep. Stop with the age crap. Im im my 50s, fit and gorgeous. I have suitors - im not "hooking up" with any btw.

however the guy i have the most fun with is much much younger than me. I wont say by how much cause dcum always freaks out lol. No, he is not in his 20s!

Women who say they are gorgeous usually aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mid 40s divorced woman here, I have no issues dating men who are about my age, and who are open to have kids (usually adoption). What men hate most is clinginess, desperation or feeling like walking sperm banks. Your friend is also jumping into beds too soon: she needs to date several guys at a time and at least do 6 dates to see if there is a good fit before sleeping with anyone. That would help her not to feel discarded after ONS and not get "stuck" in intimate relationships with people who are not good matches for her. She also needs to date guys from her own social circle and education level: dating in DC is very structured.
Value of a woman is not decreasing with age: it's women's behavior that determines her value for men. Looks also help: men would rather date a beautiful mid 40s woman than a so-so desperate late 30s. The age difference is not that big for it to be a consideration.

Ding, ding, ding! I'm not being judgmental, but this is clearly not working out for her, so she needs to shift gears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mid 40s divorced woman here, I have no issues dating men who are about my age, and who are open to have kids (usually adoption). What men hate most is clinginess, desperation or feeling like walking sperm banks. Your friend is also jumping into beds too soon: she needs to date several guys at a time and at least do 6 dates to see if there is a good fit before sleeping with anyone. That would help her not to feel discarded after ONS and not get "stuck" in intimate relationships with people who are not good matches for her. She also needs to date guys from her own social circle and education level: dating in DC is very structured.
Value of a woman is not decreasing with age: it's women's behavior that determines her value for men. Looks also help: men would rather date a beautiful mid 40s woman than a so-so desperate late 30s. The age difference is not that big for it to be a consideration.

Ding, ding, ding! I'm not being judgmental, but this is clearly not working out for her, so she needs to shift gears.

I think the world is too crazy now. People are too opinionated. No one can settle. Women are eclipsing men in everything like school and jobs. Men are fed up with women for whatever reasons. Women complain too much. Men don’t don’t pull their weight domestically. Marriage is on the decline. Men and women are too different. The entire institution is in decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

Oooh I think this is it. It would be nice to think women like Op don’t actually exist.

I have a hard time picturing a woman being so unsympathetic, but who knows. [/quote
Women are the worst!
-a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what “almost white” means. I think I may be almost white and want to know if actual humans use that description when they talk or think about me. 😂

OP here. "Almost white" means that she has some percentage black. Most people in Brazil are mixed race. They actually have different names for the various degrees of "mixture", not merely black/white/mulatto. Here in the US the historic names not in use anymore would have been "quadroon" (1/4 black) and "octoroon" (1/8 black).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is hooking up w/the majority of these men - then she is not giving off the impression that she is looking for something serious.

A better strategy would be to date different people w/o sleeping with them.
That will show a man that she is in it for real > not just a fun time.

I bet her prospects will go up if she starts doing that‼️

OP here. I think she is hooking up with them on the second date. But I agree, it is much too soon.

FWIW, she is from Brazil, and she is almost white. She is dating almost exclusively black guys. I'm not sure how that affects the dynamic.

If she is into black guys, she should probably try looking at the LA Fitness on S. Glebe in Arlington. Lots of black dudes from PG there that would go for that. How do I know? They tell me that they go to that gym seeking non AA women, specifically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are just mean-spirited and smug. women’s ’market value’? Like we’re some sort of commodity? Mind your own business and beware of judging others - it usually just makes you look like the a**.

OP here. Yes, market value, for both genders. When guys have an unlimited choice on the dating apps, they rank women very quickly according to their criteria. And vice-versa.

OP what kind of happily married person are you that you somehow know exactly what guys do on dating apps and how your trainer would “rank”? You are sleazy as all get-out, probably fat and obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

OP here. If I were a man, I could easily "bang" her, so there would be no point in this thread.

Um what?